82 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
82 lines
2.3 KiB
Plaintext
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* MOTHER'S DICTIONARY *
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AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through
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labor to have sex again.
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BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am
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too.
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DEFENSE: what you'd better have around de yard if you're
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going to let de children play outside.
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DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.
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DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order
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dessert.
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FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper
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distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
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FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't
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appreciate the strained carrots.
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FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
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GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are
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wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them
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right.
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HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
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IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
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INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they
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do everything we say.
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LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the
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time you scream it
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OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings
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PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.
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PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms
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PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies
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wearing dry shoes into it.
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SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
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STERILIZE: what your do to your first baby's pacifier by
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boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it
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STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket
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aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach
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anything.
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TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to
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not upset the children.
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THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit
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into one bed.
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TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman
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jammies.
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TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she
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begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
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VERBAL: able to whine in words
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WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you
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out.
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WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.
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WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a
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sponge."
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-/Vuarnet International/-
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617/527.oo91
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24oo-16.8k HST/V32bis |