62 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
62 lines
3.4 KiB
Plaintext
LUCKY CHARMS
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Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
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marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's
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true --- just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom
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personality:
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Green clovers: If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the
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green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take
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anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
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to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You
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don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on
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them until they cheer up.
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Blue diamonds: If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond,
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your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later. "If he
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really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably
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what's going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have
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a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and
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are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.
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Orange Stars: If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect
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to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to
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spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for
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him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who
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like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because
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they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they
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want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They often
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moan out their own names while making love.
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Pink hearts: If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You
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like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if
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he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for
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romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the
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romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.
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Purple horseshoes: If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes
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are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in
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the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains,
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swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a
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picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's likely to pin
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you down with croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows
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what could happen next?
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Yellow Moons: If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested
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in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to
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lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her
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needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually
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own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex
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just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish
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them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple
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horseshoes out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.
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Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all: If you prefer
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the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't
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need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually
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become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or
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government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl
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brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive
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lyrics in rock music. People who like oat bits have more time to
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spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.
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