41 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
41 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
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How To Know You're Growing Older
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Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
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The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
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You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere.
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Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
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Your children begin to look middle aged.
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You reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall.
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Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
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You look forward to a dull evening.
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Your favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty years ago today."
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You turn out lights for "Economic rather than romantic reasons."
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You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
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Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
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You regret all those mistakes you made, Resisting temptation.
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Your 17 around the neck, 52 around the waist, and 106 around the golf course.
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Your back goes out more than you do.
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A fortune teller, offers to read your face.
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Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you see a pretty girl.
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The little old gray haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
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You sink your teeth in a steak, and they stay there.
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You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet.
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You get your exercise acting, as a pallbearer, for your friends who exercise.
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You know all the answers but nobody asks you any questions.
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You no longer grit your teeth at night, you don't sleep in the same room.
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When you see your reflection, you wonder why the old person is
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staring at you.
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Your teeth are like the stars, they come out at night.
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Your hair piece, went bald too.
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Your age is more than your waist.
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The candles at your bithday party cost more than the cake.
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By law, a fire extinguisher must be present, when they light your candles.
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You are older than your doctor.
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Joints that were soft, stay stiff, muscles that got stiff, now stay soft.
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When you quit lying about your age, and now brag to everyone how old you are.
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When you no longer have enemies, they have all died.
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When you catch women, but can't remember why you were chasing them.
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