567 lines
24 KiB
Plaintext
567 lines
24 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
Pun for the Day
|
|
|
|
Three squaws were each preparing for the birth of their first child.
|
|
The first squaw placed a large bear hide by a river, the second squaw
|
|
placed an elk hide by a tree by a river, and the third squaw placed a
|
|
hippopotamus hide by a path, near the river and the tree so that the
|
|
three formed a triangle.
|
|
|
|
It just so happens that all three women gave birth on the same day.
|
|
The first squaw on the bear hide had a 6-lb son, the second squaw on
|
|
the elk hide had a 8-lb son, and the third squaw on the hippopotamus
|
|
hide had a 10-lb son.
|
|
|
|
To this day, mathematicians credit these three women with the first
|
|
proof of the Pythagorean Theorem:
|
|
|
|
"The son of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the
|
|
squaws of the two adjacent hides."
|
|
|
|
*grin*
|
|
---
|
|
The Zen of Cat Bathing
|
|
|
|
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
|
|
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in
|
|
their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt
|
|
where it hides and whisking it away.
|
|
|
|
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most
|
|
blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary,
|
|
the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges
|
|
that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
|
|
|
|
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality: when he
|
|
must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary
|
|
and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
|
|
Juarez."
|
|
|
|
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have
|
|
some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
|
|
arm and head for the bathtub:
|
|
|
|
-- Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and
|
|
lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.
|
|
Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to
|
|
bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a
|
|
very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I
|
|
recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass
|
|
doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain
|
|
will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain
|
|
quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
|
|
|
|
-- Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all
|
|
the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and
|
|
know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked
|
|
into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army
|
|
helmet, a hockey face mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
|
|
|
|
-- Prepare everything in advance. There is no time to go out for
|
|
a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the
|
|
water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass
|
|
enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on
|
|
your back in the water.
|
|
|
|
-- Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly,
|
|
as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually
|
|
notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as
|
|
a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking
|
|
part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney.)
|
|
|
|
-- Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to
|
|
survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into
|
|
the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and
|
|
squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of
|
|
your life.
|
|
|
|
Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and
|
|
the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for
|
|
more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you
|
|
must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy.
|
|
He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing
|
|
himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't
|
|
expect too much.)
|
|
|
|
-- Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume
|
|
this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at
|
|
this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the
|
|
drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's
|
|
because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You
|
|
simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait.
|
|
(Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your
|
|
army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him
|
|
loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is
|
|
drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the
|
|
cat.
|
|
|
|
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your
|
|
leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will
|
|
spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become
|
|
psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
|
|
|
|
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the
|
|
case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses
|
|
and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.
|
|
|
|
But at least now he smells a lot better.
|
|
---
|
|
Dear Earthling,
|
|
Hello! I am a creature from a galaxy far away, visiting your planet.
|
|
I have transformed myself into this text file. As you are reading it, I
|
|
am having sex with your eyeballs. I know you like it because you are
|
|
smiling. Please pass me on to someone else because I'm really horny.
|
|
---
|
|
Excuses
|
|
|
|
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
|
|
30,31, 32, and also 33.
|
|
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed
|
|
with gramps.
|
|
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
|
|
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
|
|
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
|
|
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
|
|
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going
|
|
over.
|
|
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed.
|
|
Please execute him.
|
|
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He
|
|
was hit in the growing part.
|
|
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent
|
|
this weekend with the Marines.
|
|
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell
|
|
off a tree and misplaced her hip.
|
|
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
|
|
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
|
|
throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also
|
|
sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade
|
|
fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even
|
|
got hot last night.
|
|
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
|
|
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
|
|
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
|
|
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her
|
|
shot.
|
|
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
|
|
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had
|
|
diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed
|
|
out*) the shits.
|
|
---
|
|
The Brothers Methrin
|
|
|
|
Yea, listen and hearken to my voice for I shall tell thee a tale of woe,
|
|
a tale of anguish, a tale of alchemy!
|
|
|
|
1. And I did purchase an RX-7 and did place it in my garage, enjoying it.
|
|
|
|
2. And I did stop enjoying it when I discovered Horrid Arachnids living in it.
|
|
|
|
3. And the Horrid Arachnids did emigrate from the RX-7 to the garage,
|
|
no doubt planning to turn the garage into Spider City.
|
|
|
|
4. And I, in my arachnophobia, looked upon this situation as intolerable.
|
|
|
|
5. And I shouted to the Gods, saying, "O this is intolerable. Send me an
|
|
angel that I might eradicate the Horrid Arachnids!"
|
|
|
|
6. And the Gods sent the angels Tetra Methrin and Su Methrin.
|
|
|
|
7. And the angels Tetra Methrin and Su Methrin spake unto me, "Build us two
|
|
temples, and thou shalt call them Ortho and Black Flag."
|
|
|
|
8. And the angels spake unto me further, "If thou wilt use our true power,
|
|
so must thou statest our true names."
|
|
|
|
9. And I raised my arms and chanted unto Tetra Methrin, "Thy true name is
|
|
(1-cyclohexene-1,2-dicarboximido)-methyl-2,2-dimethyl-3-(2-methylpropenyl)-
|
|
cyclopropanecarboxylate!"
|
|
|
|
10. And I raised my arms a second time and chanted unto Su Methrin, "Thy true
|
|
name is 3-phenoxybenzyl-(1RS, 3RS; 1RS, 3SR)-2,2-dimethyl-3-
|
|
(2-methylpropenyl)-cyclopropanecarboxylate!"
|
|
|
|
11. And the angels did smile.
|
|
|
|
12. And I didst enter the garage of Horrid Arachnids and begin to find Horrid
|
|
Arachnids and spray them.
|
|
|
|
13. And I didst deliver approximately ten Horrid Arachnids to their Maker,
|
|
cursed be his name.
|
|
|
|
14. And I shouted unto the Gods, saying "Thank you for the angels, but it
|
|
is not enough!"
|
|
|
|
15. And the Gods spake unto me, saying "Wherefore art thou dissatisfied?
|
|
Surely the angels Tetra Methrin and Su Methrin are doing their jobs."
|
|
|
|
16. And I spake unto the Gods, saying "Verily they do their jobs. But I must
|
|
transport them to each Horrid Arachnid myself. I need something that
|
|
will track down each Horrid Arachnid without my intervention. And don't
|
|
call me Shirley."
|
|
|
|
17. And the Gods did nodnod at my reasoning (frowning a bit at the end), and
|
|
verily sent they down the Archangel Per Methrin.
|
|
|
|
18. And the Archangel Per Methrin spake unto me, saying "My temple is Raid,
|
|
and I am the Fumigator. You know the routine."
|
|
|
|
19. And I spake unto Per Methrin, chanting "Thy true name is (3-phenoxyphenyl)-
|
|
methyl-(+/-)-cis, trans-3-(2,2-dichloroethenyl)-2,2-dimethyl-
|
|
cyclopropanecarboxylate!"
|
|
|
|
20. And Per Methrin did smile and nodnod happily.
|
|
|
|
21. And I didst bring the Fumigator Per Methrin to the garage.
|
|
|
|
22. And I didst set the Archangel down on the floor.
|
|
|
|
23. And Per Methrin spake unto me, saying "Thou hast two minutes to vacate the
|
|
premises. Do not come back for three hours, lest thou suffer by my
|
|
hands!"
|
|
|
|
24. And I didst vacate the premises hastily.
|
|
|
|
25. And Per Methrin didst begin his deadly (but pleasing) work.
|
|
|
|
26. And before the three hours was up, I tired greatly and fell to sleep.
|
|
|
|
27. And the next day I stumbled to work, forgetting about the Fumigator.
|
|
|
|
28. And by the time I didst return it had been twenty hours since the
|
|
Fumigator began his deadly (but pleasing) work.
|
|
|
|
29. And when I didst return, I didst open the door to my garage to air it out,
|
|
obeying the instructions scribed on the walls of the temple Raid.
|
|
|
|
30. And I didst air out my garage for thirty minutes as decreed by the words
|
|
scribed on the walls of the temple Raid.
|
|
|
|
31. And after this time I didst hesitantly enter into my garage, fearful
|
|
that hordes of Horrid Arachnids would descend upon me and tangle in my
|
|
hair!
|
|
|
|
32. And I was pleased to see that the Archangel had gone and had left behind
|
|
approximately ten more Horrid Arachnid corpses (including one Big Mother
|
|
of a Horrid Arachnid) and ten Wasp corpses.
|
|
|
|
33. And I didst rejoice.
|
|
|
|
34. And I didst take unto mine hand a Broom of Sweeping, and so didst I
|
|
sweep the floors, walls, ceilings and especially the corners of my
|
|
garage of corpses and webs.
|
|
|
|
35. And lo and behold, the toll was approximately ten Horrid Arachnids and
|
|
ten Wasps, making twenty insects destroyed by the Fumigator Per Methrin,
|
|
blessed be his name.
|
|
|
|
36. And as for the car, I am still loathe to enter it, though I will do so
|
|
eventually to clean out more corpses.
|
|
|
|
37. And I didst thereupon spray the floors, walls, ceilings and especially
|
|
the corners of my garage with the angels Tetra Methrin and Su Methrin in
|
|
the hopes that it will be a sign and a ward against potential future
|
|
Horrid Arachnid residents.
|
|
|
|
38. And after I was done, I didst take a shower and vigorously wash my hair,
|
|
for my scalp was still crawling.
|
|
|
|
39. Sing praises to the angels Tetra Methrin and Su Methrin and to the
|
|
Archangel Fumigator Per Methrin.
|
|
|
|
40. Hallowed be their temples Ortho, Black Flag and Raid.
|
|
|
|
41. May the Brothers Methrin reign over mounds of insectile corpses forever.
|
|
|
|
42. Here endeth the lesson. Amen.
|
|
---
|
|
What does that say?
|
|
|
|
In a Tokyo hotel:
|
|
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do
|
|
such a thing please do not read this notice.
|
|
|
|
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
|
|
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During the time we regret that
|
|
you will be unbearable.
|
|
|
|
In a Leipzig elevator:
|
|
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
|
|
|
|
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
|
|
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
|
|
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
|
|
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
|
|
|
|
In a Paris hotel elevator:
|
|
Please leave your values at the front desk.
|
|
|
|
In a hotel in Athens:
|
|
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
|
|
9 and 11 a.m. daily.
|
|
|
|
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
|
|
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
|
|
chambermaid.
|
|
|
|
In a Japanese hotel:
|
|
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
|
|
|
|
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
|
|
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
|
|
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
|
|
|
|
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
|
|
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
|
|
of ascension.
|
|
|
|
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
|
|
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
|
|
|
|
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
|
|
Salad a firm's own make
|
|
Limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger
|
|
Roasted duck let loose
|
|
Beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion
|
|
|
|
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
|
|
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
|
|
|
|
In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
|
|
Drop your trousers here for best results.
|
|
|
|
Outside a Paris dress shop:
|
|
Dresses for street walking.
|
|
|
|
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
|
|
Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute
|
|
customers in strict rotation.
|
|
|
|
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
|
|
There will ba a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
|
|
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
|
|
|
|
In a Zurich hotel:
|
|
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
|
|
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
|
|
|
|
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
|
|
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
|
|
|
|
In a Rome laundry:
|
|
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
|
|
|
|
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
|
|
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
|
|
|
|
In a Swiss mountain inn:
|
|
Special today no ice cream
|
|
|
|
In a Bangkok temple:
|
|
It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
|
|
|
|
In a Tokyo bar:
|
|
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
|
|
|
|
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
|
|
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
|
|
|
|
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
|
|
If this is your first visit to the USSR, then you are welcome to it.
|
|
|
|
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
|
|
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
|
|
|
|
In a Budapest zoo:
|
|
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
|
|
it to the guard on duty.
|
|
|
|
In the office of a Roman doctor:
|
|
Specialists in women and other diseases.
|
|
|
|
In an Acapulco hotel:
|
|
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
|
|
|
|
In a Tokyo shop:
|
|
Our nylons costs more than common, but you'll find they are best
|
|
in the long run.
|
|
|
|
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
|
|
conditioner:
|
|
Cooles and Heates: If you want to just condition of warm in your room,
|
|
please control yourself.
|
|
|
|
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
|
|
When a passenger of food heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
|
|
him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
|
|
then tootle him with vigor.
|
|
|
|
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
|
|
English well talking Here speeching America
|
|
|
|
In an upper New York State service station/ restaurant:
|
|
Eat Here, Get Gas
|
|
|
|
In a green grocer's shop, United Kingdom:
|
|
Our fruits and vegetables are washed daily with water passed by
|
|
the manager.
|
|
|
|
Final remarks from a letter written by an chemical engineering couple
|
|
from India to an American applied research laboratory in Arizona:
|
|
I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and my wife thanks you
|
|
from the heart of her bottom.
|
|
|
|
From a sign in a commercial parking lot, downtown San Francisco:
|
|
All day $7.00. Free In-and-Out.
|
|
|
|
A turf sign in Singapore:
|
|
Expectoration upon grass and refuse upon grass and amble upon grass
|
|
and glee upon notice may procure unfortunate backlash. Upon authority.
|
|
|
|
A street sign in Boston in front of a liquor store.
|
|
Police take notice.
|
|
|
|
As seen in a lady's lingerie shop in south Florida:
|
|
We carry men's slippers.
|
|
|
|
In a Finnish hotel room:
|
|
In case of fire, please stuff a towel under the door, and expose
|
|
yourself at the window.
|
|
---
|
|
I can't come to work today because...
|
|
|
|
The following are from the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the
|
|
Washington Post. It was a contest in which readers were asked to come
|
|
up with excuses to miss a day of work
|
|
-----------------------------------
|
|
|
|
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me
|
|
to clean all the guns today.
|
|
|
|
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I
|
|
can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
|
|
|
|
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back
|
|
an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time
|
|
continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able
|
|
to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source
|
|
exactly e*log (pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my
|
|
dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or
|
|
early.
|
|
|
|
My stigmata's acting up.
|
|
|
|
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss,
|
|
who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
|
|
|
|
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that
|
|
deadline to meet....
|
|
|
|
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Stop & Shop.
|
|
|
|
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey,
|
|
how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
|
|
No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
|
|
|
|
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
|
|
|
|
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to
|
|
work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
|
|
|
|
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this
|
|
jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
|
|
|
|
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
|
|
|
|
I prefer to remain an enigma.
|
|
|
|
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
|
|
track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her
|
|
eternal peace. One day should do it.
|
|
|
|
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
|
|
house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
|
|
helicopter transportation.
|
|
|
|
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
|
|
|
|
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
|
|
|
|
My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our
|
|
sick son.
|
|
|
|
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I
|
|
insist on paying my fair share.
|
|
|
|
I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You want I should come in?
|
|
|
|
I can't come in because the deadline is Monday and so far I only have
|
|
seven different fun things to do with a barrel of snot.
|
|
---
|
|
Hug
|
|
|
|
This is the Magical Grapefruit of Love. It has been bequeathed upon you
|
|
by someone who thinks you are really cool. This person might be
|
|
your boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, pal, homie, Hausfrau, neighbor or
|
|
someone else you don't even know. This person finds you rather
|
|
interesting, possibly even attractive, and just generally thinks you're a
|
|
pretty good excuse to be alive. Whether this person actually IS attracted
|
|
to you is another question. This is merely a token of affection for you
|
|
to wonder at and appreciate. The proper response, upon reciept of the
|
|
Magical Grapefruit of Love is a hug, or a message of thanks, if this
|
|
person is too far away to hug within a week of reciept. Basically, the
|
|
Magical Grapefruit of Love is a way to say "Hey, you're really damn cool,
|
|
and I want you to know that." Sorry if you were disappointed that there
|
|
is no actual citrus fruit contained in this letter. Unfortunately, at the
|
|
time of writing, that miracle of science that allows grapefruit to travel
|
|
through telephone lines had not been perfected. But be consoled by the
|
|
fact that someone thinks you're really a rockin' guy/gal, and would most
|
|
likely help you out if you had a flat tire somewhere in the same state (or
|
|
within a one or two hour radius, depending on the size of your state).
|
|
The sender of the Magical Grapefruit of Love only asks one thing of
|
|
you-- (besides the aforementioned hug) that you bequeath this Grapefruit
|
|
of Love on someone else. The Magical Grapefruit of Love grows in power as
|
|
it is shared, and someday you may recieve this Magical Citrus Entity
|
|
again. Send it on. Remember the elation you felt the first time you
|
|
received it? If you send it on, you may feel this again. This is not a
|
|
chain letter. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't send it on, but
|
|
think of the bright spot it might put in the day of someone you think is
|
|
extra groovy.
|
|
---
|
|
Poem
|
|
|
|
>>>>You know, college can be a really scary thing. It seems like no matter
|
|
>>>>how much you prepare yourself to leave all of the people you love, it
|
|
>>>>always comes back and slaps you in the face later. It's really scary
|
|
>>>>when you're sitting in your dorm room one night, listening to The
|
|
>>>>Eagles, "Sad Cafe," and thinking, wow, these lyrics really are powerful:
|
|
>>>>
|
|
>>>> "Maybe the time has gone, the faces, I recall. But things in
|
|
>>>> this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all . . ."
|
|
>>>>
|
|
>>>>The scary part being that we've all been hit with change lately, and it
|
|
>>>>doesn't seem to have come slowly at all. Do you remember the day you
|
|
>>>>left home? I'm sure that you do. But I'll bet that what you remember
|
|
>>>>even more clearly, were the days in the week before you left, you know,
|
|
>>>>the days you spent getting addresses and phone numbers and trying to
|
|
>>>>figure out how to say goodbye to everyone you'd loved for as long as you
|
|
>>>>could remember. Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one
|
|
>>>>night, after midnight, trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship
|
|
>>>>you'd managed to maintain through thick and thin for four years? Do you
|
|
>>>>remember how hard that was, to think of how to say goodbye to that
|
|
>>>>person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them one last hug
|
|
>>>>and turn around and walk inside. I'll bet part of what you remember was
|
|
>>>>the night before you left, kissing your boyfriend or girlfriend goodbye
|
|
>>>>one last time, just knowing that you'd have to turn around and walk back
|
|
>>>>inside was almost motivation enough not to leave. Stepping back to take
|
|
>>>>one last look at that person you love -- it's really scary. And you go,
|
|
>>>>and you promise yourself that you won't find anyone new. You won't ever
|
|
>>>>replace your old friends. You'll never fall in love again. It's really
|
|
>>>>crazy, what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to.
|
|
>>>>You get to a new place full of strangers. You meet people who forget
|
|
>>>>you. You forget people you meet. But sometimes, you come across some
|
|
>>>>extraordinarily special people. They have tears to shed, too. They
|
|
>>>>left people behind. They're in love with that girl or that guy back
|
|
>>>>where they used to live, and they all want someone to talk to. So you
|
|
>>>>talk. Talk is good. You form bonds you never thought you'd
|