53 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
53 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
Jason Sadofsky's
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15 INCARNATIONS OF HELL
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1. You are tied to a chair in front of the whole school, and full-color slides
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of every insulting doodle you ever drew of Mr. Nickerson are shown on a
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screen next to you.
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2. You are forced to drive 200 laps around the running track after a rainstorm
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in the "GommesMobile".
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3. A fire-breathing Mr. Breen dresses you up in brightly colored pants and a
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plaid jacket, and drops you in the middle of your senior prom.
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4. You are forced to watch every gut-wrenching moment of The Making Of A
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Steak-Um.
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5. You are hung upside-down in the language lab, while Mrs. Novak sings
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"Carmen" in russian.
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6. Small yellow Mr. Fureys do a jig on your shoulders during your slow-dance
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with Mrs. Rosenblatt.
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7. You are forced to use the water fountains in L-building, while you hear
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snickering freshmen in the background.
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8. You are trapped in a study booth, and fumes from the Home Economics room
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are pumped in.
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9. With encyclopedias tied to your wrists, you run around cafeteria A with Mr.
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Hileman dressed up in battle fatigue chasing after you with an Uzi.
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10. You are tied to the tailpipe of Keith The Security Guard's truck, and
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dragged along like a piece of meat while he chases an escaping sophmore.
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11. Mr. Oddo bashes you over the head with a ruler, and drags you off to his
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lab where he turns you into an extra-credit dissection lab for his
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bloodthirsty students.
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12. You are forced to eat dinner at the Mount Kisco Diner with every member of
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the Guidance department and listen to them discuss endlessly how next
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year's schedules are coming.
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13. Mrs. Diorio laughs maniacly as Gary Lanza sticks you in the soda machine,
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and then leaves you there forever, muttering that he doesn't have the exact
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change.
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14. You are given a lifetime subscription to The Situation.
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15. Mr. Lucia and Mr. Knobloch make you convert all of Beethoven's Symphonies
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to C minor, then force you to listen to them being played by a german
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nose-humming band.
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