258 lines
9.6 KiB
Plaintext
258 lines
9.6 KiB
Plaintext
From din@bellcore.bellcore.com Wed Jul 4 08:50:03 1990
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From: din@bellcore.bellcore.com
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Subject: Humatrans - A transportation Device for Homo Sapiens
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Keywords: original, smirk
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This is an original article by me and M.S.Moni, my colleague
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when I was a graduate student in India. I have slightly edited
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the text, but most of it is intact. Moni is still at IIT and
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has no objection to the dissemination of this article.
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There is some interesting background story, but I will leave it
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out, unless someone wants to know.
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------------------------------------------------------------------
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HUMATRANS
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(A Transportation Device for Homo Sapiens)
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Dinesh Nettar- and M.S.Moni=
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Regional Sophisticated Instrumentation Centre,
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Indian Institute of Technology,
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Madras 600 036, India
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Abstract
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This device principally operates on the
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transmission of mechanical energy delivered
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from the payload to circular rotators that
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enable positive displacement of the operating
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system. The linear motion of the payload
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energy source is converted to circular motion
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in the device.
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1. COMPONENTS AND OPERATION
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1.1 FRAMEWORK
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The device is built around a triangular framework, to ensure
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structural stability[1]. Its tubular construction enables
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reduced gravitational load[2] without sacrificing mechanical
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integrity. All the remaining components are mounted on this
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structure.
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1.2 BRANCHED COUPLERS
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On this framework, two rotators are mounted through a pair of
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branched couplers. The aft coupler is linear, while the forward
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coupler is semi-parabolic[3]. Its non-radial orientation ensures
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automatic return to default theta setting on normal operating
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surfaces. Its non-linearity provides partial attenuation of low
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--------------------------
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- Present (in 1984) Address: Department of Chemistry, The
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Pennsylvania State University, University Park, PA
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16802, United States.
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= To whom no questions should be addressed.
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- 2 -
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frequency oscillations. The forward coupler is coincident with
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the theta control.
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1.3 ROTATORS
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Each of the rotators has a cylindrical axial support at which
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place the coupler is joined. The grooved peripheral structure is
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connected to the axial support by a set of pre-stressed off-
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radial connectors. These connectors ensure relatively evenly
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distributed load. The peripheral structure carries an annular
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cover made of isoprene polymer duly processed with sulfur. The
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interstice between the cover and the peripheral structure is
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charged with a gaseous mixture of nitrogen, oxygen and other rare
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gases[4]. The gas mixture is prevented from leakage by a gas
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retainer.
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1.4 GROOVED LAMINAS
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Semi-circular grooved laminas are mounted in proximity to both
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rotators. These prevent a slurry of SiO2, Fe2O3 and H2O from
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contaminating the energy source and operator from the operating
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surface. These usually terminate in isoprene polymer extenders.
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1.5 DECELERATION CONTROL
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In operation, the rotators can be rapidly decelerated in the case
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of necessity. This is accomplished by depressing either or both
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the deceleration control bars on the theta control. These apply
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instantaneous large mechanical loads on the rotators by
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depressing isoprene polymer pads on the grooved peripheral
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devices.
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1.6 ENERGY RECEIVERS AND TRANSMITTERS
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The aft rotator carries several circular energy receivers. These
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receivers have finite discontinuities on their circumference.
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The receivers are ordered in increasing radii. Each is
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concentric with the aft axial support. A discrete endless
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coupled energy transfer device connects any one of these
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receivers to one of the two energy transmitters of similar
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structure. These energy transmitter devices are mounted at the
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lower apex of the main triangular framework. The transmitters
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can be set in motion by imparting angular momentum via an
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orthogonal radial shaft. This shaft carries a perpendicular
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extension. The planarity of the extension is necessitated for
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positioning the operator's energy output source. This extension
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is pivoted to eliminate torsion of the energy source.
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- 3 -
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1.7 DECOUPLING MECHANISM
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There is an ingeneous decoupling mechanism in the energy transfer
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device. While positive angular momenta are transferred from the
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energy transmitter to the receiver, the positive angular momenta
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of the receiver are not transmitted to the transmitter. This
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permits the energy source to be stressless during gravitationally
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favorable transportation environments.
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1.8 THETA CONTROL
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Orientation mobility is ensured by a theta control. This is
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connected to the forward rotator coupler. This has a short arm
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symmetrically orthogonal to its main axis. It can be used to set
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theta from -pi/2 to pi/2 radians continuously and it defaults to
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zero on normal operating surfaces. The theta control usually
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carries additional controls that select combinations of the
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energy transmitters and receivers. These selections enable
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nearly continuous variation of angular momentum ratios between
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the energy source and the rotators.
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1.9 POLYMER BASE
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A polymer base is securely mounted at the rear apex of the
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triangular framework. This supports the operator during
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operation. It is usually buffered by metallic helices[5] to
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minimize the transmission of low frequency oscillations from the
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operating surface to the operator.
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2. ACCESSORIES (Only on some models)
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2.1 ENERGY CONVERSION DEVICE
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An energy conversion device is used to convert mechanical energy
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into electrical energy by electromechanical induction[6]. The
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electrical flux generates a stream of photons by resistance[7]
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flow through a conductor enclosed in vacuum[8]. The photon
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stream enables optical feedback to improve when the ambient
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radiation characteristics are below optimum.
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2.2 AUDIO-FREQUENCY SYNTHESIZER
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An audio-frequency synthesizer for generating approach signals is
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used to transmit early warning messages to surrounding areas to
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avert a possible momentum transfer.
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- 4 -
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2.3 EXTRA PAYLOAD SUPPORT
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Extra payload can be transported by a support device. This is
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mounted vertically above the aft rotator and is connected to the
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aft axial coupler.
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3. GENERAL REMARKS
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The device is ecologically excellent since it is totally non-
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contaminating. It is relatively very inexpensive, very easy to
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maintain[9] and often portable. Its reduced width requirements
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and height make it ideal for almost any kind of operating
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surface. It also provides much-needed muscular training to the
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users, besides agreeable diversement.
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However, it is not self-propelled and so tends to deplete the
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energy source during prolonged operations. It is a low-priority
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device on most operating surfaces since it does not reach high
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linear velocities. Due to its reduced gravitational stability,
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the operator must be cautious not to provide a cushion[10] for
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the internal combustion driven devices.
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It cannot be computerized.
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- 5 -
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REFERENCES
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1. Euclid, Principia Triangularica Stabilica, (Latin
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Transl.), 45, 120 (145 B.C.).
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2. Newton, I., J. Grav., 1, 1 (1705).
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3. The exact equation is beyond the scope of this document.
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A detailed explanation can be found in J. Math.
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Parabol., -25, 45 (2045).
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4. Lavoisier, A-L, Sur la Composition de l'Aire, Paris
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Bench Press, Paris, 1781, Chapter 4, pp 104-121.
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5. For a description of helices, see Watson, Crick and
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Wilkins, Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech, Stockholm, 1962.
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6. Faraday, M., Electromagnetic Ind., 4, 1 (1833).
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7. Ohm, G.S., Proc. Roy. Soc. Elec. Engg., 222 (1827).
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8. Edison, T.A., U.S.Patent No. 413478345 (1883).
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9. This is essentially adding a mixture of higher alkanes.
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10. Bureau of Statistics, Report on the Number of
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Fatalities, Section 8, Table 19, p 153 (1979).
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to funny@looking.ON.CA
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
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Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to topical@looking.on.ca
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Anything that is not a joke submission goes to funny-request@looking.on.ca
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Administrative note:
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The recent parable on toasters was in fact a copyrighted piece from
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Computer Language, and it has been cancelled.
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