253 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
253 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
Who's on First?
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Abbot and Costello routine
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Abbot: You know, strange as it may seem, they have ballplayers
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nowadays very peculiar names. Now on the St. Louis team, Who's
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on first, What's on second , I Don't Know is on third.
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Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me
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the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
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Abbot: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I
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Don't Know is on third.
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Costello: You know the fellows names?
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: Well, then who's playing first?
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: I means, the fellow's name on the first base.
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Abbott: Who.
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Costello: The fellow playing first base.
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Abbott: Who.
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Costello: The guy on first base?
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Abbott: Who is on first base.
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Costello: What are you asking me for?
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Abbott: I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Who is on first.
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Costello: I'm, asking you - who's on first?
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Abbott: That's the man's name.
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Costello: That's who's name?
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: Go ahead and tell me.
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Abbott: Who.
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Costello: Have you got a first baseman on first?
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Abbott: Certainly.
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Costello: Then who's playing on first?
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Abbott: Absolutely.
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Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's
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name on first.
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Abbott: No, no. What is on second base.
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Costello: I'm not asking who's on second.
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Abbott: Who's on first.
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Costello: That's what I'm trying to find out/
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Abbott: Now take it easy.
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Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?
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Abbott: What's the guy's name on second base.
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Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
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Abbott: Who's on first.
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Costello: I don't know.
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Abbott: He's on third.
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Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say
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is playing third.
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Abbott: No, Who's playing first.
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Costello: Stay offa first, will you?
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Abbott: Well, what do you want me to do?
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Costello: Now, what's the guy's name on first base?
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Abbott: What's on second.
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Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second!
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Abbott: Who's on first.
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Costello: I don't know.
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Unison: He's on third.
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Costello: There I go back to third again.
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Abbott: Please. Now what in it you want to know?
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Costello: What is the fellow's name on third base?
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Abbott: What is the fellow's name on second base.
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Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
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Abbott: Who's on first.
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Costello: I don't know. You got an outfield?
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Abbott: Oh, sure.
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Costello: The left fielder's name?
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Abbott: Why.
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Costello: I just thought I'd ask.
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Abbott: I just thought I'd tell you.
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Costello: Then tell me who's playing in left field?
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Abbott: Who's playing first.
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Costello: Stay out of the infield. I want to know what's the
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fellows name in left field.
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Abbott: What is on second.
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Costello: I'm not asking who's on second.
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Abbott: Take it easy.
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Costello: And the left fielder's name?
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Abbott: Why.
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Costello: Because.
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Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
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Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher?
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Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
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Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name.
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Abbott: Tomorrow.
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Costello: You don't want to tell me today?
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Abbott: I'm telling you, man.
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Costello: Then go ahead.
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Abbott: Tomorrow.
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Costello: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's
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pitching?
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Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching, Who is on ...
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Costello: I'll break your arm it you say who's on first.
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Abbott: Then why ask?
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Costello: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.
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Abbott: What's on second.
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Costello: You got a catcher? His name?
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Abbott: Today.
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Costello: I would like to catch. Tomorrow's pitching and I'm
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catching.
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy bunts.
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pickup
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the ball and throw it to who?
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Abbott: That's the first thing you said right.
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Costello: I don't even know what I am talking about!
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Abbott: Well, that's all you have to do.
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Costello: Is to throw it to first base?
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: Now who's got the ball.
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Abbott: Naturally.
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Costello: I pickup the ball and throw it to Naturally?
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Abbott: No, you throw the ball to first base.
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Costello: Then who gets it?
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Abbott: Naturally.
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Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally?
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Abbott: You don't. You throw it to Who.
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Costello: Naturally.
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Abbott: Yes.
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Costello: So I throw the ball to first base and NAturally gets
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it.
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Abbott: No, you throw the ball to first base ....
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Costello: Then who gets it?
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Abbott: Naturally.
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Costello: I throw the ball to first base, whoever it drops the
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ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and
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throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know
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throws back to Tomorrow - a triple play.
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Abbott: Could be.
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Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly center. Why? I
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don't know. And I don't care.
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Abbott: What?
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Costello: I don't care.
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Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.
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