50 lines
2.7 KiB
Prolog
50 lines
2.7 KiB
Prolog
How to identify professors:
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Chem Prof: Wears a white lab coat. This may actually be clean
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but does not have to be. P-chem profs have a brand new coat that
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has never been in the lab; polymer chem profs have strange glop
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on their coat, and intro chem profs have acid holes.
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Physics Prof: Wears blue jeans and a flannel shirt. May sometimes
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forget to wear shirt altogether. If a professor is wearing blue
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jeans and suspenders, ten to one he is a physicist. Physics profs
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often have German accents, but this is not a distingushing
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characteristic. Be wary of psychologists with fake Viennese accents
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which can sound similar to the unwary.
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Bio Prof: Sometimes wears a lab coat, though usually this is the
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sign of a biochemist. Marine biologists walk around in hip boots
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for no explainable reason, even in the middle of winter. They
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are apt to wear grey slacks and smell like fish, as opposed to
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most biologists, who smell strongly of formalin. Microbiology
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instructors go around in spotless white coats, refuse to drink
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beer on tap, and wipe all their silverware before using it.
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Never loan money to a bio prof, no matter how much he asks.
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Psych Prof: Psychologists are not real scientists, and can be
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easily identified by their screams of protest whenever anyone
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questions whether psychology is a science. Psych people have
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beady little eyes and don't laugh at jokes about psychology.
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If you are not sure whether a person is a scientist or a
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comparative religion instructor, he is probably a psychologist.
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CS Prof: Most CS profs are from India or Pakistan. You can tell
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by the gestures and accents. This is not a bad thing, though many
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of the American CS professors tend to pick up Indian accents which
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confounds more specific identification. Like mushrooms, CS students
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only come out at night, and, if not Indian, tend to take on a
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pasty appearance. CS professors do not use computers and therefore
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can be easily identified by their comparative good health with
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respect to their students. Many CS professors do not even know how
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to use computers, and are actually mathematicians or psychologists
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in disguise. Avoid these people.
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Math Prof: Math profs are like physics professors except without
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any practical bent. A math professor will have only books and
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pencils in his office, as opposed to the piles of broken equipment
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that physicists keep. Mathematicians scorn the use of computers
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and calculators and often have difficulty splitting bills in
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restaurants. The easy way to identify a mathematician is by the
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common use of the phrases "It can be shown that..." and "Is left
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as an exercise to the student..."
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