63 lines
2.9 KiB
Plaintext
63 lines
2.9 KiB
Plaintext
Lifetime Horoscope
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Aquarius: Jan20 - Feb 13 You have an inventive mind and are inclined
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to be progressive. You lie a lot. On the other hand, you are inclined
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to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes
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repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are stupid.
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Pisces: Feb 19 - Mar 20 You have a vivid imagination and often think
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you are being followed by the CIA, KGB, and FBI. You have a minor
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influence over associates and people resent you for flaunting your
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power. You lack confidence and are generally afraid to do anything.
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Pisces people often have sex with small animals.
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Aries: Mar21 - Apr 19 You are the planner type and hold most people in
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contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.
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You are a prick.
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Taurus: Apr 20 - May 20 You're practical and persistent. You have a
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dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
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stubborn and bullheaded. In actually, you are nothing but a damn
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communist.
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Gemini: May 21 - June 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
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People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to
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expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are
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notorious for thriving on incest.
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Cancer: June 21 - July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to
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other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always
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putting things off, and that is why you will always be on welfare and
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never worth a dime.
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Leo: July 23 - Aug 22 You consider yourself a born leader, while
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others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and
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cannot take criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are
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thieving bastards.
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Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22 You are the logical type and hate disorder.
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This nitpicking is excessive and sickening to your friends. You are
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cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while making love. Virgos
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make excellent bus drivers and pimps.
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Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22 You are the artistic type and have a difficult
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time with reality. If your are a man, you are more than likely gay.
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Changes of employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra
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women make excellent whores. All libras will eventually die of veneral
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disease.
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Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21 You are shrewd in business and cannot be
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trusted. You shall achieve the pinnalce of success because of your
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lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a bitch. Most scorpios are
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mentally retarded.
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Saggitarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
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have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The
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majority of saggitarius are drunks and dope fiends. People laugh at
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you a great deal because you are always getting fucked.
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Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 You are conservative and afraid of taking
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risks. You don't do much of anything and are lazy. There has never
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been a capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing
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still for very long periods of time, as they tend to attract pigeons.
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