89 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
89 lines
4.1 KiB
Plaintext
Top 59 Mistakes Made by Adolf Hitler
|
|
|
|
1. Land War in Asia
|
|
2. Changed name from highly catchy 'Schickelgruber' to boring 'Hitler'
|
|
3. Leaving his little mustache: not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln
|
|
beard to instill trust among subjects
|
|
4. Not buying lifts for his shoes
|
|
5. Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
|
|
6. Failure to exploit Eva Braun
|
|
7. Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the daisy
|
|
8. Chose Josef Goebels rather than Marlene Dietrich to promote Nazi
|
|
image
|
|
9. Chose "Deutschland Uber Alles" over "Let's All Be There" as party
|
|
slogan
|
|
10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
|
|
11. Chose unfashionable blacks and browns rather than trendy plaids and
|
|
stripes as uniform colors for SS & SA
|
|
12. Referring to Stalin as "that old Georgian fat back"
|
|
13. Indiscriminate use of V-2 rockets for public fireworks displays
|
|
14. Free beer in munitions plants
|
|
15. Lisp never corrected
|
|
16. Bad toupe
|
|
17. Refused to undergo nostril reduction surgery
|
|
18. Failed to conquer strategically important Comoros Islands
|
|
19. Fell asleep in staff meetings
|
|
20. Chose Italy as ally
|
|
21. Land War in Asia
|
|
22. Got involved with a Sicilian when death was on the line
|
|
23. Made pass at Eleanor Roosevelt during 1936 Olympics
|
|
24. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked
|
|
remarkably like a bullseye from the air
|
|
25. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls
|
|
26. Never had fireside mass rallies
|
|
27. Told Einstein he had a stupid name
|
|
28. Used SS instead of LAPD
|
|
29. Admired Napoleon's strategy
|
|
30. Strong fondness for saurkraut and beans made General Staff avoid
|
|
him constantly
|
|
31. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a
|
|
little country place in Hawaii
|
|
32. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with
|
|
war advice
|
|
33. Major theme in speeches -- "liebensraum, or "living room" -- widely
|
|
misperceived as call for domestic architectural reform
|
|
34. Failed to revoke Rudolph Hess's pilot licence.
|
|
35. Pissed off Jesse Owens at 1936 Olympics
|
|
36. Didn't put his brother Billy in the concentration camps. When word
|
|
got out that Billy was just a beer guzzling fat guy in a small town
|
|
in Bavaria who grew peanuts it was bad P.R. for Der Fuhrer
|
|
37. Breast feeding for too long
|
|
38. Passed up Finish "tanks for snowshoes" offer before invasion of
|
|
USSR
|
|
39. Drank to much at Beer Hall Putsch
|
|
40. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his
|
|
own escape.
|
|
41. Forgot to write "Dear Joey" letter to Stalin before invasion of
|
|
Poland
|
|
42. Blew nose on Operation Barbarossa maps, forcing extemporaneous
|
|
invasion of Soviet Union
|
|
43. Took no steps to keep Neville Chamberline in power
|
|
44. Chose the Tirpitz for that weekend of love with Eva in the Fjords
|
|
45. Frequently mistaken for Charlie Chaplin due to mustache; undermined
|
|
credibility (as when he threatened to invade Poland, everyone waited
|
|
for the punchline)
|
|
46. Came off as poor loser when "Triumph of the Will" failed to win
|
|
Oscar for "best Foreign Documentary" -- "You don't like me" speech
|
|
undermined image.
|
|
47. Used to make prank calls to FDR asking if he had "Prince Albert in
|
|
a can"
|
|
48. Forgot correct interpretation of Nietzche; caused much
|
|
embarrassment when he used to cite philosophical support for his
|
|
concept of the "Oberdude"
|
|
49. Got drunk on schnapps and suggested Tojo attack the U.S. saying,
|
|
"The U.S. only has twenty times your industrial power, what are
|
|
you, a wimp?"
|
|
50. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul and Mary
|
|
51. Spent too much on screwdrivers and toilet seats
|
|
52. Tried to play football with Axis Lucy who pulled the ball away at
|
|
the last second
|
|
53. Failed to encourage tourism
|
|
54. Being born
|
|
55. Never did the honorable thing with Eva Braun
|
|
56. Alienated Chamberline at Munich by sticking an "Invade me" sign on
|
|
his back
|
|
57. Kept Colonel Klink in command
|
|
58. Churchill mistakenly thought "Deutschland Uber Alles" was a veiled
|
|
threat
|
|
59. Used same astrologer as the Reagans
|