130 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
130 lines
6.4 KiB
Plaintext
_____________________________________________________________________________
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| | Anarchists R Us Presents | |
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| | Herb? Who's Herb? Where's He From!?!? | |
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| | Written And Typed By Soft Jock Of +>+> A.R.U.<+ | |
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| | Thanks To Bug-byter | |
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| | and | |
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| | The Dead Kennedy | |
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| | Call These Great Ae's: | |
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| | 504-891-8674 pass:ware | |
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| | 504-244-6545 pass:Ae:Tac | |
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| | 504-831-4348 pass:sanity | |
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| | 504-241-3452 pass:Ae:Tac | |
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| |_________________________________________________________________________| |
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|_____________________________________________________________________________|
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The following file will be the life and times of the man we all have come to
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know as Herb. Herb appears to us as mild-mannered and meek. A man who would
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fear his wife and be henpecked until no end, but his exterior is just a front
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for the cruel person that lies inside. Now read on about this man that has
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entered our homes without warning.
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________________
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| The Herb Files |
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Whats in a name? Well, when it comes to Herb W. Hopper there just isn't much to
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say. Or is there? Herb is not his real name. Why you ask? Well it seems to me if
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someone advertised on the tube for a couple of months with your name wouldn't
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you answer? Some say Herb is a fraud, others think Herb is here to save the
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country.Who knows?Who Cares?
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Herb Files Pt.1:The National Inquirer Profiles Herb.
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(This is also a spoof of all those'news'mags)
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Who wants to know? I wanna know.
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| The Expostion of Herb |
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| page 36,Jan 85 isuue |
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Herb. Who is he? What is his purpose?
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Herb.Herb is being taunted for a crime he didn't commit. The crime of never
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tasting a whopper. Men have a been sent to the chair for less than that. However
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Herb's background was the cause of his downfall.
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Herb was born in the little town of Kalamazoo.He would have been normal but
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at the last minute fate struck. Herb's father brought Herb up due to the fact
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that his mother died at birth. So Herb's behavior was a matter of upbringing.
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You see, his father paid very little attention to little Herbert and that's
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when the damage started to occur.
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Herb had no friends in school.He thought it was because his father was a
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geometry teacher, however, he did not know his father was the famed 'Geometry
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rapist'. He used to go around raping women and then when he was finished he
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would sign the body with a geometry proof.
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Herb's father was caught and sent to Sing Sing becaue one of his
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classmates recongnized a problem on the board that had been written on his
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dead mother. Herbert was then turned over to the city orphanage. The orphanage
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was horrible.Nobody wanted to adopt the son of the `Geometry Rapist'.
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At the age of 30 Herb was relaesed from the orphanage.The long years took
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it's toll on Herb. One day Herb came home to his closet and found that it had
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been torn down. In a fit of rage Herb grabbed his ACME Power Black and Decker
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Pecker Wrecker and went on a rampage. He massacred 957,234 peckers.
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Herb was out to get men with foreskins. Herb used the foreskins to start his
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new company, 'Expandable Breifcases'. Herb claimed that when cases were rubbed
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vigorously they would expand it to luggage.
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Then one day a woman recongnized her breifcase as the foreskin of her missing
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husband. She then hired a lawyer who exploited her findings. the suits piled in.
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Herb's multi-million dollar business was closed down and they had to file
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Chapter 11 (bankrupt).
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Soon the courts caught up with Herb and sent him to prison.Prison life was
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less than normal for Herb. Herb, who is a blatant homosexual, wasn't allowed in
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the "extracuricular activities" with the other prisoners. When the Enquirer
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asked about this one life-man said "We were afraid for our foreskins".
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After 10 years Herb was out on parole. But thigs got worse. A relative of
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someone who had their foreskin stolen decided to get revenge. He call up B.King
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and said that he knew someone that never had a flame-broiled Whopper.
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They were intrested. They made a few commercials, found Herb, and sales went
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into high gear.
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Now they are offering 5,000 forever sees him First in a B.King.Good gimmick.
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Wonder if Herb knows he has to pay for it.
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(fake name) Hymie Leibowitz.
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meber of P.a.a
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Pathalogical Liars Anonomys
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______________________________________________________________________________
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This file is to show what magazines and the media will do for a story.
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Any feedback call 504-891-8674 pass:ware
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Or 408-245-7726 a few returns
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_______________________________________________________________________________
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| The Herb Files Pt.1 Written By Soft Jock Of Anarchists-R-US |
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| Copyright Jan 30,1985 (C) Anarchists-R-Us |
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|_____________________________________________________________________________|
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