55 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
55 lines
2.1 KiB
Plaintext
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PRIMER FOR HOMEOWNERS: THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM
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The most important thing to find out about the
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electrical system is whether it cointains enough "volts", which
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are little tiny pieces of electricity shaped like arrows so you
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can tell which direction they're moving ...
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The standard measurement for volts is "amps", also
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called "watts", which travel around in what is called a
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"circuit" .
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A typical circuit works as follows:
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At the electrical company, fuel oil is burned to set
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fire to a generator, which gives off electrical energy in the
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form of sparks, which are put into wires and sent to your home,
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where the electricity waits in the wall until you turn on your
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toaster, at which point it rushes through the wire abd into the
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English muffin and from there into your stomach, where it
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remains until a cool, dry day when you are walking down a hall
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scuffing your feet on a carpet and you go to open a door,
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causing the electricity to leap into the doorknob, where it
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remains forever, building up over time to tremendously high
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levels, which os why scientists are now concerned that some
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unscrupulous entity such as Libya or God forbid an adolescent
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male ever figures how to release this power, he could, using
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only the latent doorknob energy contained in a singleolder
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ranch-style home, vaporize Oregon.
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But your immediate concern, as a potential buyer, is
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making sure that the house has the right number of volts .
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Following is a chart depicting the most popular voltages
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currently available in the housing market:
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POPULAR HOME VOLTAGES
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120
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220
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9*
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* Requires 9-volt battery
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(not included)
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Which voltage is right for you? This, more than
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anything else, is a matter of taste; and like most matters of
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personal taste, it is best left in the hands of a qualified
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interior designer.
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(Primary source of text: "Homes and Other Black Holes", by Dave
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Barry and Jeff MacNelly, Random House, New York, 1988)
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