57 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
57 lines
2.7 KiB
Plaintext
INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM
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_________________________________________________________________
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To: All Personnel Date: April 1, 1985
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From: The Management Copies:
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Subject: Standard Procedure on Death of Employee
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It has been brought to the attention of the management of this
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company that many employees have been dying while on duty for no
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good reason. Furthermore, it also appears that some employees
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are refusing to fall over after they have died. This, in some
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cases, has resulted in unearned overtime payments which are not
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provided for under our employee benefit program.
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Effective immediately, this practice must be discontinued!
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On and after today, any employee found sitting up after he/she
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has died will be dropped from the payroll at once, without
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further investigation. This action is covered by Company
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Regulation #20 (non-productive labor).
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When it can be proven that the employee is being held up by a
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desk, typewriter, drawing board, telephone, or any other means of
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support which is the property of the company, a one (1) day
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period of grace will be granted.
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In the event of apparent death, the following procedures will be
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strictly adhered to:
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1. If, after several hours, it is noted that any employee has
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not moved or opened at least one eye, the department head
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will investigate. Because of the highly sensitive nature
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and/or origin of some employees and because of the close
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resemblance between death and their normal working attitude,
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the investigation will be made quietly so as to avoid waking
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the employee if he/she is asleep (which is, of course,
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permitted under present union contracts).
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2. If some doubt still exists as to the true condition of the
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employee, a pay check will be used as the final test. If
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the employee fails to reach for the check, it is reasonable
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to assume that death has occurred. Note that in some cases
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the instinct is so strongly developed that a spastic
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clutching may occur even after death; do not be misled by
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this manifestation.
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3. In the event that an employee fails to abandon whatever
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he/she is doing at Coffee Break time, no investigation is
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necessary as this is conclusive proof that rigor mortis has
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already set in.
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Press RETURN... |