106 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
106 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
From joe@bram.UUCP Sat Dec 8 11:28:48 1990
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From: joe@bram.UUCP (Joe Saladino)
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Subject: Funny (true) Church stories
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As promised, here are the few funny church stories I received. I wish
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we would have had more.
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-----------
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From: uunet!ccs.carleton.ca!colinm@verdix.com (Colin McFadyen)
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Organization: Carleton University, Ottawa, Canada
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Many years ago I used to attend a church in Chesterville, Ontario
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when I lived in the country. The pastor was a rather long winded
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fellow who had no probllem lulling more than a few members of his
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congregation to sleep with his sermons. Anyway on one very hot and
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muggy July Sunday when he was in the pulpit ready to start his
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sermon he began with:
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"I received an anonymous letter from one of you this week. It
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simply said, 'Sermons should be like pie crust, short and sweet.'."
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After that he left the pulpit and proceeded with the mass.
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From: uunet!watmath!watcsc.waterloo.edu!jak@verdix.com (Jack Sinclair)
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The following are some misinterpreted offerings from the land of Christianity:
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"The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they
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can be seen in the curch basement Friday afternoon."
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"Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church
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So ends a friendship that began in school days.
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" The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delighbt of the audience."
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"Thursdays at 5p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mother's Club.
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All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the
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study."
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"Due to the rector's illness, Wdnesday's healing services will be discontinued
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until further notice."
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"Today's sermon : "HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?", with hymns from a full choir."
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"on a chuch bulletin board:
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GOD IS GOOD
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Dr. Hargreaves is better"
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"Don't let worry kill you - let the church help"
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-------------
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From: James A Demes <uunet!brahms.udel.edu!demes@verdix.com>
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Organization: University of Delaware
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Once, a young child asked my mother how to spell CCD.
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--------------
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From: ogicse!acsu.buffalo.edu!nawrocki (richard v nawrocki)
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Back in the late 1940's, when my mother was growing up in Buffalo, New
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York (U.S.A.), all the pubescent guys in her (Roman Catholic) church would
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make certain that when Confession time rolled around, it was a certain elder
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priest from the Old Country (Poland), whose English was not the best, who was
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attending the Confessionals. When Confessing, each guy would say, "Well, I
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diddled a little" to describe recent intimate acts with ladies. The priest,
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not entirely conversant with English idiom, would let this slip by, and the
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guy would receive a relatively light Penance.
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Well, one day during Confession hour, near the end of attending to a group
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of guys (most of whom remained in the Church afterwards, since the tendency was
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to arrive and leave as a group), somebody finally told the priest what was
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meant by the phrase "I diddled a little." The priest immediately leaped out of
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the Confessional and cried out, "Okay, all you diddlers, get back here!"
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-------------
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One sunday morning just before the sermon was to be given, a dignified
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elderly lady was telling the children a story. The story was about a
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robber and how they come when you least expect it. She looked at the
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children and said "What do you call someone who comes into your house
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and takes your posessions?" A childs voice which resounded throughout
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the church exclaimed, "I'd call him a Son-of-a-bitch!"
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----------------
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Hope you enjoyed these. Send me some more if you have a mind to and I'll
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be sure to make another posting if there is enough stories.
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Have a happy and joyfull holiday season.
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--
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Regards... __ ___ __
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|__) |_ ) |__| |\/| {joe@bram.UUCP}
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Joe Saladino @ |__) | \ | | | | Corporation {verdix!bram!joe}
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verdix_____________ Home (503) 626-9991
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