141 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
141 lines
5.6 KiB
Plaintext
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STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
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(posted by Sean Paswater)
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(original by David Parsons)
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(who stole it from George McQuary)
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(who shamelessly appropriated the idea from Dave Sweeney)
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I took exception to your recent ___ post to _________________________.
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(newsgroup)
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___ email
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It was (check all that apply):
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___ lame.
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___ stupid.
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___ boring.
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___ obvious killfile fodder.
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___ much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
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Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
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___ what you posted/said has been done before.
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
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___ your post/mail was a pathetic imitation of _____________________.
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(net.personality)
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___ your post/mail originated on FidoNet.
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___ your post/mail originated on Delphi.
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___ your post/mail originated on AOL.
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___ your post/mail was intended to be email/a post.
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___ your post/mail originated on a BBS.
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___ your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or
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Notesfile.
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___ your post contained commercial advertising.
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THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
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Usenet News
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Network Security & Standards Patrol
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2300 Davenport C-9
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Knoxville, TN 37920-2165
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or your posting privileges will be cancelled.
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___ your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
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___ your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
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___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
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___ you posted a "newgroup" message without Leader Kibo's permission.
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___ you posted a "rmgroup" message without Bruce Becker's permission.
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___ your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ It was done clumsily.
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___ you have a lame login name.
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___ your machine has a stupid name.
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___ your attempt at a middle name fell flat.
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ Painfully.
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___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
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___ you quoted an article in followup and only added the line "Me, too!!!"
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___ you quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines of
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text.
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___ you predicted the "Imminent Death of the Net[tm]".
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ *Without* adding "<form of representation> at 11".
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___ you asked for replies via email because you "don't read this group".
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___ you flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
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___ you flamed someone who is far more intelligent and witty than you.
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___ your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
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___ you failed to check the "Followups-To:" line.
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___ you have no .sig .
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___ your .sig is longer than four lines.
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ And your newsreader truncated it.
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___ your .sig is wider than 80 columns.
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___ your .sig is tabdamaged.
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___ your .sig is longer than your included text.
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___ your .sig is longer than the entire rest of your post.
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___ your .sig approacheth Kibo's in length.
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___ your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
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___ you listed ___ snail mail address(es).
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(Mark only if above checked)
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___ you listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
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___ you listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
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___ you included a stupid disclaimer.
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(Mark only if above also)
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___ your pathetic attempt at being witty in the disclaimer failed.
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(Mark only if above also)
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___ Miserably.
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___ you included:
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(Mark all that apply)
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___ a stupid self-quote.
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___ a stupid quote from a net.nobody.
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___ a stupid quote from
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(Mark all that apply)
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___ Rush Limbaugh.
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___ Dan Quayle.
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___ a rock band member.
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(Mark only if above also)
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___ from Rush.
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___ (one of) the United Stated Founding Father(s).
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___ a reference to Beavis & Butthead.
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___ lame ASCII fonts
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___ lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
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___ USS Enterprise
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___ Australia
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___ The Amiga logo
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___ Company logo
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(Mark only if above also)
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___ and you stated that you don't speak for your employer.
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___ Bicycle
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___ Bart Simpson
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___ Sword
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___ Dinosaur
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___ Cat/Dog
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(Mark only if above also)
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___ plural
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___ excessive misuse of punctuation marks, namely __________
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___ excessive whitespace
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Furthermore:
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___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___________________
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(newsgroup)
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___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the net.
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___ You are a loser.
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___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this
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clueless.
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___ *plonk*
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___ This has been pointed out to you before.
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___ It is recommended that you:
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(Mark all that apply)
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___ Go Away. Now.
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___ stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up.
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___ find a volcano and throw yourself in.
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___ get a gun and shoot yourself.
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___ stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
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___ stop sending email and get a life.
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___ consume excrement.
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___ consume excrement and thus expire.
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Additional comments:
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