144 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
144 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
From gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Mon Apr 3 05:30:04 1989
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Flags: 000000000001
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From: gmw1@cunixd.cc.columbia.edu (Gabe M Wiener)
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Subject: Giuliani
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Keywords: true, smirk, sexual
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Date: 3 Apr 89 10:30:04 GMT
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The following memos were reprinted in SPY magazine a few months back.
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I've edited them down to just the pertinent parts.
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-----
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RUDOLF GIULIANI: PROSECUTOR AS PARTY POOPER
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The following five memos reprinted below were all circulated in Rudolf
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Giuliani's Manhattan office last summer.
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Memo #1: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
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memo writing staff.
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M E M O R A N D U M
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Date: June 14, 1988
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From: The Boat Ride Committee
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Re: The Summer Boat Ride
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To: All Staff and Summer Students
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The Summer Boat Ride will be on Monday, July 18, from 7-11,
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PM. Boarding begins at 6:30 PM at Pier 62 at 23rd Street.
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etc.....
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Memo #2: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
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writing staff.
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M E M O R A N D U M
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Date: July 13, 1988
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From: The Boat Ride Committee
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Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
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To: All Staff and Summer Students
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We are once again oversubscribed for the summer boat ride by
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more than 100 people. We therefore need your help in reducing
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the number of attendees. If you signed up for the boat ride but
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now know that you cannot attend, _or_ if you no longer plan to
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bring a guest, _or_ if, given our oversubscription problem, you
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generously decide not to bring a guest, please inform Mildred
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Miles as soon as possible. Your cooperation is most appreciated
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and will help us avoid more drastic means to reduce attendance.
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At the time of boarding, we will have to check attendance, which
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is limited to those persons who submitted RSVP forms by no later
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than July 11.
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etc...
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Memo #3: Written by a member of the U.S. Attorney's official memo
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writing staff.
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M E M O R A N D U M
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Date: July 15, 1988
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From: The Boat Ride Committee
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Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
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To: All Staff and Summer Students
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Because we have not been able to solve our oversubscription
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problem for the summer boat ride, we unfortunately will have
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to cut back on the number of guests at the event. We regret
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that we will only be able to accomodate spauses or "significant
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others" of staff. Please do not bring as guests anyone but a
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spouse or "significant other." In addition, using other people's
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RSVP's as a means of getting friends on board will not be
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permitted.
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Only those people who submitted RSVP forms by July 11 will
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be allowed to board the boat. We will be checking attendance
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that night, so please bring office ID's with you to the boat ride.
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To avoid embarrassment for yourself or others, please abide by
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these request. We thank you for your cooperation in solving this
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difficult overcrowding problem.
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Memo #4: Written by an anonymous parodist in Giuliani's office and
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circulated as if written by the U.S. Attorney's official
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memo writing staff.
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M E M O R A N D U M
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Date: July 15, 1988
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From: The Boat Ride Committee
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Re: 1988 Summer Boat Ride
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To: All Staff and Summer Students.
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Some confusion has apparently arisen concerning the precise
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meaning of the term "significant other", as expressed in today's
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previous memorandum about authorized attendees at the boat ride.
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By "significant other," we mean truly significant others,
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i.e., persons with whom you have slept within the past month.
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Lest further confusion arise as a result of this classification,
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let us go further into defining our terms. By "slept with", we
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mean sexual relations, including but not limited to sexual
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intercourse and oral sex.
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Only those others who satisfy this definition of "significant"
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will be allowed to board the boat. To avoid embarrassment for
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yourself and others, you and your guest should be prepared to
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respond truthfully to questions concerning the nature and
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degree of your intimacy. We thank you for your cooperation in
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our efforts to solve the problem of overcrowding at this
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year's boat ride.
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Memo #5: Written by U.S. Attorney Rudolf Giuliani himself.
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M E M O R A N D U M
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Date: July 15, 1988
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From: Rudolf Giuliani
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To: The entire office
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Apparently the office was circulated today with a memo concerning
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Monday's boat ride that may have been intended as humor or as a
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practical joke. It was neither humorous nor a joke. In fact, it
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was distasteful and upsetting to many.
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Everyone in the office can appreciate someone with a sense of
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humor. I hope that the person who sent this will understand that
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this message was out of bounds and offensive. It ought not to have
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been done and under no circumstances is it or anything like it to
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be repeated. Fair warning.
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----
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Gabe Wiener Columbia University
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--
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Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to funny@looking.UUCP
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Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I will reply, mailers willing.
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Remember: If you POST your joke instead of mailing it, I will not reply.
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