84 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
84 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
From krh@root.co.uk Tue Apr 25 15:33:32 1989
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From: krh@root.co.uk (Kevin Hickman)
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Subject: The old ones are the best.
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RULES FOR BANK ROBBERS
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According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated
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and unprofessional crimes," comitted by young male repeat offenders who
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apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information
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was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank,"
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by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
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Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras,
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76 percent of bank robbers use no disquise, 86 percent never study the bank
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before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the
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loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with
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examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
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1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the
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fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in
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business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too
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familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while making
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his getaway. She turned him in.
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2. Approach the right teller. Granted, Clark says, this is harder to plan.
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One teller in Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of the bank and
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down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing
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police car, and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup
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note by a robber, and her father, who was next in line, wrestled the man to the
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ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.
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3. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back
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of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope
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bearing the name and address of another in Detriot, and in East Hartford,
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Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and
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account number.
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4. Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in White Plains, N.Y., tried to
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hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where he
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showed them his "weapon."
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5. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a note
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saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The
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teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.
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6. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment
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on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it
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accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank
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robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing
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stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in drawing
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attention to themselves.
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7. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who
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took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up
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to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a toolbooth, offered the
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security men money.
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8. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's
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car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most
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quickly solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.
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9. Don't be too sensitive. In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing
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the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, Clark points out,
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not to mention severe burns in sensitive places--as bandits in San Diego and
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Boston painfully discovered.
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10. Consider another line of work. One nervous Newport, R.I., robber, while
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trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in
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the head and died instantly. Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal
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in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted.
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He was still unconscious when the police arrived.
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In view of such ineptitude, it is not surprising that in 1978 and 1979, for
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example, federal and state officers made arrests in 69 percent of the bank
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holdups reported.
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--
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Kevin Hickman UniSoft Limited, Saunderson House, Hayne Street, London EC1A 9HH
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krh@root.co.uk ...!mcvax!ukc!root44!krh +44-1-606-7799 FAX: +44-1-726-2750
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