138 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
138 lines
4.5 KiB
Plaintext
One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it
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does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table
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only to be interrupted by a phone call from a
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telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try
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to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was
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from AT&T and it went something like this:
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(swallowing)
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Me: Hello
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AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
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Me: Is this AT&T?
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AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
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Me: This is AT&T?
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AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
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Me: Is this AT&T?
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AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron
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please?
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Me: May I ask who is calling?
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AT&T: This is AT&T.
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Me: OK, hold on.
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At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5
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minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have
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hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my
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surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were
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still waiting.
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Me: Hello?
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AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
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Me: May I ask who is calling please?
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AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
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Me: Is this AT&T?
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AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
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Me: This is AT&T?
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AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
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Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
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AT&T: Yes sir.
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Me: The phone company?
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AT&T: Yes sir.
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Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
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AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
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Me: I already have a phone.
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AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
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Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but
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thanks for calling. When you are not interested in
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something, I don't think you can express yourself any
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plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but
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this lady was persistent.
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AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a
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minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
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Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of
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10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word
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rate. I could clearly see that it was time to whip out
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the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
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Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
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AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my
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interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!
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Me: 7 days a week?
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AT&T: That's right.
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Me: 365 days a year?
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AT&T: Yes sir.
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Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's
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amazing!
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AT&T: We think so!
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Me: That's quite a sum of money!
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AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.
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Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or
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just one big one at the end of the year for the full
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$52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a
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cash advance?
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AT&T: Excuse me?
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Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
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AT&T: What are you talking about?
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Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours
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a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to
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$144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm
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just interested in knowing how you will be making
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payment.
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AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You
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pay us 10 cents a minute.
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Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me
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10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
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AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
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Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that
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you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10
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cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
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telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this
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in the Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien
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brainwashing techniques on me.
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AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
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Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor
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please!
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AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
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Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
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AT&T: What?
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Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
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AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold. So now AT&T has me on
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hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
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while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a
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few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:
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Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
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Me: Yeth?
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Supervisor: I understand you are not quite
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understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
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Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
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Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
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I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all
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I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be
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careful not to produce a snort.
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Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get
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back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
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Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to
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the person who was helping you.
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Me: Thank you.
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I was on hold once again and managed a few more
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mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation.
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Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at
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the other end of the phone.
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AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are
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interested in signing up for our plan?
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Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because
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you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child
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and I'd really like to have a little brother...
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AT&T: (click)
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