110 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
110 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
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\c6AIRLINES\c1
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Commercial air travel… outside of
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the overpriced… first class cabin… is
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like a bus trip with an aerial view. It
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has both good points and bad. I thought
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I'd put together a list of each.\c2
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THINGS I DON'T LIKE\c6
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Salad dressing containers pressur-
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ized to 10…000 p.s.i.… so that it's
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impossible to break the seal without
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propelling half the contents onto your
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suit.\c7
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The way they mix drinks† Fill the
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glass up seven eighths to the top with
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mix… then pour the liquor on top so it
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sits there. (It can't be mixed because
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instead of individual ice cubes there
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is a miniature iceberg floating in the
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drink.)\c6
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The flight attendant who walks up
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the aisle just before takeoff ordering
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you to put your seat upright. Sup-
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posedly you are safer that way in case
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of a crash. I don't care. This is the
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most uncomfortable position ever
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devised. It was probably concieved to
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extract information from prisoners.\c7
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Seats where the reclining mechanism
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doesn't work so that thay can't be
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moved from the upright position.\c6
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Anyone who sits in the middle seat.
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Even worse† Having to sit in the middle
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seat yourself.\c7
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Anyone with a bladder condition who
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asks for a window seat.\c6
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The little kid in the seat in front
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of you who keeps bouncing against his
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seat spilling your drink all over the
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papers on your tray table.\c7
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The little kid behind you who keeps
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digging his feet into you through the
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back of your seat.\c6
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Little kids on airplanes in general.
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The first law of air travel reads†
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The proximity of a screaming child to
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you in an airplane will be directly
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proportional to the importance of the
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highly technical reading material you
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must fully digest for a crucial
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business meeting at your destination.
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\c7
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People who bring the Sunday New York
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Times into the lavatory with them.\c6
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The red carbon paper on the back of
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airline tickets that… after you put the
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ticket in your inside coat pocket… gets
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all over your white shirt. This
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smearing bears a striking resemblance
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to lipstick… that… if your a married
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man… must be explained.\c7
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People in line in front of you who
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decide to have the ticket agent book
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all the flight's the're going to take
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for the rest of their lives… as you
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watch your plane pulling away from the
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gate.\c7
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Phone inquiries answered by the
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ticket agent while your waitng in line.
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(why doesn't the caller have to wait in
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line‰)\c6
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Pilots who think the're tour guides.
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JUST FLY THE BLASTED PLANE!!!
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(Everything they point out is on the
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other side of the airplane anyway.)\c7
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Making connections through Atlanta.
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Who was it that said† ‡It doesn't
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matter whether you're going to Heaven
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or Hell; you still have to change
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planes in Atlanta‡‰\c2
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THINGS I LIKE†\c7
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\w3
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Honey roasted nuts
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\b3\w3
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\c4Michael Rosen
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\c6VIA THE\k2 EAGLE'S NEST IMAGE BBS\k0
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\c1(201)/828-2367\b1
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\c2A Member Of NISSA!\b2
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