59 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
59 lines
2.4 KiB
Plaintext
AN ERA OF MODEST CLAIMS
|
||
By M.L. Verb
|
||
|
||
Maybe it has finally arrived: the Era of Modest Claims. If so, welcome.
|
||
|
||
I began to notice it a few years ago in commercials and ads. I recall a
|
||
cigarette ad that said: "At only 3 mg. tar, this doesn't taste bad. Not bad
|
||
at all."
|
||
|
||
Can you imagine that? "Not bad at all." It didn't say that smoking them would
|
||
make you masculine. Or that you'd be sexually liberated. Or wander around in
|
||
flowery meadows. Just that they weren't bad/
|
||
|
||
More recently I've seen a beer commercial in which a drinker concludes
|
||
essentially the same thing: Hey, that's not bad. He doesn't say it's the
|
||
world's finest. Or that you'll be able to smash your fists through radiators if
|
||
you drink the stuff. Just that it's not bad. Similarly, there's a
|
||
drain-cleaning product commercial out that promises the stuff won't wreck your
|
||
pipes. A pretty modest boast, if you ask me.
|
||
|
||
If this modesty trend continues, just think what we can expect:
|
||
|
||
*Deodorant: "You won't smell as bad or as often if you use this."
|
||
|
||
*Cars: "This'll get you there. So will a bus, of course, but a bus probably
|
||
won't fit in your garage."
|
||
|
||
*Winter coats: "This won't make you look like a million bucks, but it'll keep
|
||
you from freezing to death, unless you haven't got the brains God gave
|
||
artichokes."
|
||
|
||
*Watches: "If you keep it set, it'll tell you the time."
|
||
|
||
*Paint: "Pretty decent stuff. Comes in several colors, too."
|
||
|
||
*Shaver: "This will cut your whiskers until it breaks down."
|
||
|
||
*Alarm clocks: "It will usually go off about the time you set it for."
|
||
|
||
*Toys: "This won't break any quicker than most other unbreakable toys."
|
||
|
||
*Restaurants: "Maybe we're not the '21 Club,' but hardly anyone can remember
|
||
the last time someone who ate here got sick because of it."
|
||
|
||
*Airlines: "Your chances of getting there with us are pretty fair. And the
|
||
chances that your luggage will get there with you aren't too bad, either."
|
||
|
||
*Hotels: "Our rooms are probably cleaner than yours at home."
|
||
|
||
*Charge Cards: "Accepted some places but not others."
|
||
|
||
*Beer: "After one or two ours tastes as good as anyone else's."
|
||
|
||
*Insurance companies: "Sometimes we even pay off on claims."
|
||
|
||
Why, if we could get this Era of Modest Claims off and rolling, it would be
|
||
marvelous, stupendous, wonderful, terrific. And not bad, either.
|
||
|
||
|