223 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
223 lines
7.4 KiB
Plaintext
THE SOUTH POLE..........[312] 677-7140
|
||
***************************************
|
||
* *
|
||
* AN UNABRIDGED, UNCOMMON, AND *
|
||
* UNNECESSARY DICTIONARY OF COMPUTER *
|
||
* TERMINALOGY *
|
||
* *
|
||
***************************************
|
||
|
||
SNAGGED OFF A VAX SYSTEM BY:
|
||
KING HERMAN
|
||
FEB. 26, 1985
|
||
|
||
|
||
ARRAY: WHAT COMES OUT OF BUCK ROGER'S GUN.
|
||
|
||
ASSUMED DECIMAL POINT: LOCATED TWO POSITIONS TO THE RIGHT OF A PROGRAMMER'S
|
||
CURRENT SALARY IN ESTIMATING HIS OWN WORTH.
|
||
|
||
BASIC: 1) WHAT PROGRAMS APPEAR TO BE BUT NEVER ARE. 2) ACHRONYM FOR
|
||
"BEGINNERS ALL-PURPOSE SOCIETY FOR INCOMPETENT COMPUTING"
|
||
|
||
BIT: THE INCREMENT BY WHICH COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS SLOWLY GO MAD.
|
||
|
||
BUFFER: 1) A JOB FOR OUT OF WORK PROGRAMMERS CONSISTING OF POLISHING
|
||
FLOORS. 2) THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT IN THE PROGRAMMER'S FAVORITE
|
||
DRUG: ASPIRIN.
|
||
|
||
BUS: AS IN GREYHOUND OR PDP, UPON WHICH ALL DATA COMMUTE TO WORK.
|
||
|
||
CARD READER: WOMAN WHO TELLS FORTUNES.
|
||
|
||
CHAINING: A METHOD OF ATTACHING PROGRAMMERS TO DESKS TO SPEED UP OUTPUT.
|
||
|
||
CHARACTER SET: A GROUP OF QUALITIES THAT PROGRAMMERS BEGIN TO LACK AFTER
|
||
MANY YEARS OF OVERFLOWS AND HEAD CRASHES. (SEE: ANY TERM
|
||
ABOVE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND, BECAUSE IF YOU
|
||
DON'T, THEN YOU PROBABLY STILL HAVE ONE.
|
||
|
||
CHECKPOINT: THE LOCATION FROM WHICH A PROGRAMMER DRAWS HIS SALARY.
|
||
|
||
COBOL: TWO BOLS WORKING TOGETHER ON A COMMON PROJECT.
|
||
|
||
COMMENTS: SEE FIXED WORD LENGTH.
|
||
|
||
COMPILER: PROGRAM THAT CONTINUALLY FINDS FAULT WITH YOUR WORK. (SEE ALSO:
|
||
WIFE.)
|
||
|
||
COMPLEX: ADJECTIVE USED TO DESCRIBE PROBLEMS TO BE AVOIDED.
|
||
|
||
COMPUTER CRIME: A SYSTEM WITHOUT STAR TREK, ADVENTURE, VAXMAN, AND THE LIKE
|
||
INSTALLED ON IT.
|
||
|
||
CONCATENATION: CATHOLIC RITUAL PERFORMED ONCE A YEAR TO BLESS PROGRAMMERS.
|
||
|
||
CONSTANT: ANYTHING BUT A,E,I,O OR U.
|
||
|
||
CORE STORAGE: A RECEPTICAL FOR THE CENTER SECTION OF APPLES.
|
||
|
||
COUNTER: A DEVICE OVER WHICH MARTINIS ARE SERVED.
|
||
|
||
CPU: ACRONYM FOR "CENTRAL PULVERIZING UTILITY."
|
||
|
||
DEBUGGING AIDS: INSECTICIDES.
|
||
|
||
DEQUEUE: SOUTHERN REFERENCE TO QUEUE. EXAMPLE: "WHERE'D YOU PUT DE QUEUE,
|
||
MAN?"
|
||
|
||
DUMMY ARGUEMENTS: DISCUSSION BETWEEEN PROGRAMMERS.
|
||
|
||
DUMP: SLANG TERM FOR COMPUTER BUILDING. (I.E. "WHY DO I SPEND SO MUCH
|
||
TIME IN THIS DUMP?)
|
||
|
||
DUMP LIST: LIST OF BRANCH OFFICES.
|
||
|
||
EDT: PESTICIDE FOR GETTING RID OF CUTE LITTLE ALIENS.
|
||
|
||
ERROR: WHAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS MADE WHEN THEY DISAGREE WITH YOUR COMPUTER
|
||
OUTPUT.
|
||
|
||
EXTERNAL STORAGE: WASTEBASKET.
|
||
|
||
FIXED WORD LENGTH: FOUR-LETTER WORDS USED BY PROGRAMMERS IN A STATE OF
|
||
CONFUSION.
|
||
|
||
FLOATING CONTROL: A CHARACTERISTIC EXHIBITED WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE
|
||
RESTROOM, BUT CAN'T LEAVE THE COMPUTER.
|
||
|
||
FLOATING POINT: THE ABSOLUTE LIMIT BEFORE FLOATING CONTROL IS LOST.
|
||
|
||
FLOW CHART: A GRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF THE FASTEST ROUTE TO THE RESTROOM.
|
||
|
||
FOR: A GOOD CONDITIONAL STATEMENT FOR INITIALIZING A LOOP. (SEE: LOOP.
|
||
SEE ALSO: WATFOR.)
|
||
|
||
FORMAT: WHAT YOU WIPE YOUR FEET ON BEFORE ENTERING THE COMPUTER BUILDING.
|
||
|
||
FORTRAN: ANSWER TO WATFOR
|
||
|
||
FREE: AN OBSOLETE EXPRESSION.
|
||
|
||
FUNCTION: WHAT A PROGRAM NEVER DOES ON THE FIRST RUN.
|
||
|
||
GLOBAL VARIABLE: A VARIABLE WHO LIKES TO TRAVEL.
|
||
|
||
GOTO: OFTEN USED IN CONJUNCTION WITH BIBLICAL LOCATIONS. (SEE ALSO: FIXED
|
||
WORD LENGTH.)
|
||
|
||
HARDWARE: FROZEN SOFTWARE.
|
||
|
||
HEAD CRASH: LAST STEP BEFORE COMPUTER GOTO, USUALLY EXECUTED BY PROGRAMMER
|
||
CRASHING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE NEAREST WALL.
|
||
|
||
HEX: A SPELL CAST ON ANYONE DECIDING TO BE A PROGRAMMER.
|
||
|
||
INFINITE LOOP: SEE: LOOP.
|
||
|
||
INPUT: FOOD, WHISKEY, BEER, ASPIRIN, ETC.
|
||
|
||
INTERFACE: THE AREA BETWEEN A PROGRAMMER'S CHIN AND HAIRLINE.
|
||
|
||
INTERRUPT: USUALLY THE RESULT OF A KEYPUNCH. (SEE ALSO: HEAD CRASH.)
|
||
|
||
JOB QUEUE: INPUT FILE FOR OPERATING SYSTEM RANDOM FILE LOSS UTILITY.
|
||
|
||
KEYPUNCH: ERROR SOLVING PROCEDURE USED BY PROGRAMMERS; CONSISTS OF APPLYING
|
||
ONE'S FIST TO THE TELETYPE TERMINAL.
|
||
|
||
LINE PRINTER: MACHINE THAT PRINTS LINES ON BLANK P APER, ALSO KNOWN AS A
|
||
PAPER SHREDDER.
|
||
|
||
LISP: THE LANGUAGE OF VARIABLES.
|
||
|
||
LOGICAL OPERATER: EXTINCT SPECIES.
|
||
|
||
LOOP: SEE: INFINITE LOOP.
|
||
|
||
LOOPING: FEELING EXPERIENCED BY DRUNK PROGRAMMERS.
|
||
|
||
MACHINE LANGUAGE: GRUNTS, GROANS, SQUEAKS, SHUDDERS, ETC.
|
||
|
||
MACRO: THE LAST HALF OF AN EXPRESSION OF SUPRISE: "HOLY MACRO!"
|
||
|
||
MASS BUS: A VERY LARGE BUS, SOMETIMES A GMC MOTOR COACH. (SEE ALSO: BUS.)
|
||
|
||
MEMORY DUMP: AMNESIA.
|
||
|
||
NODE: 1) USELESS APENDAGE. 2) ANY PROGRAMMER THAT REFUSES TO WRITE
|
||
ANYTHING BUT SERIOUS CODE. SIMILAR TO A FOUR-LETTER WORD BEGINNING
|
||
IN THE SAME LETTER, BUT ENDING IN "ERD".
|
||
|
||
OPERATOR: THE PERSON WHO ALWAYS RIPS YOUR PROGRAM IN HALF WHEN REMOVING IT
|
||
FROM THE LINE PRINTER. (SEE ALSO: INEFFICIENT.)
|
||
|
||
OUTPUT: SEE ALSO: FLOATING CONROL.
|
||
|
||
OVERFLOW: CONDITION RESULTING FROM EXCEEDING FLOATING POINT.
|
||
|
||
PASCAL: TRAVELING BETWEEN UTAH AND MEXICO (OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND).
|
||
|
||
PINBOL: MOST WIDELY USED LANGUAGE. TERMINALS USUALLY FOUND IN POOL HALLS,
|
||
BARS, ETC.
|
||
|
||
POINTER: A BREED OF HUNTING DOG.
|
||
|
||
POST MORTEM DUMP: PLACE FOR DEAD PROGRAMMERS. (SEE ALSO: DUMP.)
|
||
|
||
PROGRAMMER: 1) RED-EYED, MUMBLING MAMMAL CAPABLE OF CONVERSING WITH
|
||
INANIMATE OBJECTS. 2) PEOPLE WHO PASS THEMSELVES OFF AS
|
||
EXACTING EXPERTS ON THE BASIS OF BEING ABLE TO TURN OUT, AFTER
|
||
INNUMERABLE DEBUGGING SESSIONS, AN INFINITE SERIES OF
|
||
INCOMPREHENSIBLE ANSWERS CALCULATED WITH MICROMETRIC PRECISION
|
||
FROM VAGUE ASSUMPTIONS BASED ON DEBATABLE FIGURES TAKEN FROM
|
||
INCONCLUSIVE DOCUMENTS OF PROBLEMATICAL ACCURACY BY PERSONS OF
|
||
DUBIOUS RELIABILITY AND QUESTIONABLE MENTALITY FOR THE PURPOSE
|
||
OF ANNOYING AND CONFOUNDING A HOPELESSLY DEFENSELESS DEPARTMENT
|
||
THAT WAS UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE ASKED FOR THE INFORMATION.
|
||
|
||
QUEUE: STICK USED FOR THE PLAYING OF POCKET BILLIARDS.
|
||
|
||
REGISTER: OFTEN FOUND IN STORES.
|
||
|
||
SIGNIFICANT DIGIT: MIDDLE FINGER OF EITHER HAND, COMMONLY USED BY
|
||
PROGRAMMERS WHEN TALKING TO OPERATORS. (I.E.HE GAVE THE
|
||
OPERATROR TWO SIGNIFICANT DIGITS.)
|
||
|
||
SIN: NOT ATTENDING CONCATENATION SERVICES.
|
||
|
||
SERIAL: WHAT YOU POUR MILK (OR WHATEVER) OVER AND EAT FOR BREAKFAST (E.G.
|
||
FROSTED FLAKES, CHEERIOS, SUGAR POPS, FRUIT LOOPS, OATMEAL, ETC.).
|
||
|
||
SERIAL INTERFACE: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A PROGRAMMER'S BREAKFAST MISSES HIS (OR
|
||
HER) MOUTH. (SEE: INTERFACE, SERIAL.)
|
||
|
||
SNOBOL: WHAT PROGRAMMERS THROW AT OPERATORS DURING THE WINTER.
|
||
|
||
SPITBOL: WHAT PROGRAMMERS SHOOT IN CLASS.
|
||
|
||
STACK POINTER: POINTER USED IN HUNTING BUXOM WOMEN.
|
||
|
||
SYMBOL: LOUD PERCUSSION INSTRUMENT.
|
||
|
||
TAPE: SOMETIMES USED TO CHAIN PROGRAMMERS.
|
||
|
||
TAPE DRIVE: DEVICE BEST KNOWN FOR ITS ABILITY TO HAVE LUNCH IN THE MIDDLE
|
||
OF READING THE ONLY COPY OF A SOURCE TAPE.
|
||
|
||
TERMINAL: CONDITION PROGRAMMER REACHES JUST BEFORE A POST MORTEM DUMP IS
|
||
REQUIRED.
|
||
|
||
TEXT EDITOR: EMPLOYEE OF THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER.
|
||
|
||
TRAPEZOIDAL RULE: COUNTRY RULED ENTIRELY BY TRAPEZOIDS.
|
||
|
||
UNDERFLOW: SYMPTOM OF AN IMPOTENT PROGRAMMER.
|
||
|
||
VARIABLE: BISEXUAL PROGRAMMER.
|
||
|
||
WATFOR: STATEMENT FREQUENTLY UTTERED BY COMPUTER SCIENCE STUDENTS.
|
||
|
||
[END]
|
||
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
|
||
|