175 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
175 lines
5.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
||
|
||
2 FILES PER CALL MAX
|
||
READ THIS FILE? (Y/N)
|
||
Y
|
||
|
||
=======================================
|
||
|
||
-SPACEBAR QUITS-
|
||
|
||
|
||
***************************************
|
||
* *
|
||
* &&REAL PROGRAMMERS&& *
|
||
* =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= *
|
||
* (PART 1) *
|
||
* *
|
||
* THANX TO LURKING GRUE WHO DOANTED *
|
||
* THIS PHILE AND ALSO TO TWIKI AND *
|
||
* BUCK ROGERS FOR TYPING THIS *
|
||
* MASSIVE MOTHER IN..... *
|
||
* *
|
||
***************************************
|
||
|
||
|
||
REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T USE PASCAL
|
||
---------------------------------
|
||
|
||
BACK IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS -- THE
|
||
"GOLDEN ERA" OF COMPUTERS, IT WAS EASY
|
||
TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS (SOME
|
||
TIMES CALLED "REAL MEN" AND "QUICHE
|
||
EATERS" IN THE LITERATURE). DURING THIS
|
||
PERIOD, THE REAL MEN WERE THE ONES THAT
|
||
UNDERSTOOD COMPUTER PROGRAMMING,AND THE
|
||
QUICHE EATERS WERE THE ONES THAT DIDN'T
|
||
A REAL COMPUTER PROGRAMMER SAID THINGS
|
||
LIKE "DO 10 I=1,10" AND "ABEND" (THEY
|
||
ACTUALLY TALKED IN CAPITAL LETTERS,YOU
|
||
UNDERSTAND), AND THE REST OF THE WORLD
|
||
SAID THINGS LIKE "COMPUTERS ARE TOO
|
||
COMPLICATED FOR ME" AND "I CAN'T RELATE
|
||
TO COMPUTERS -- THEY'RE SO IMPERSONAL".
|
||
(A PREVIOUS WORK POINTS OUT THAT
|
||
REAL MEN DON'T "RELATE" TO ANYTHING,
|
||
AND AREN'T AFRAID OF BEING IMPERSONAL.
|
||
|
||
BUT, AS USUAL, TIMES CHANGE. WE
|
||
ARE FACED TODAY WITH A WORLD IN WHICH
|
||
LITTLE OLD LADIES CAN GET COMPUTERS IN
|
||
THEIR MICROWAVE OVENS, 12-YEAR-OLD KIDS
|
||
CAN BLOW REAL MEN OUT OF THE WATER
|
||
PLAYING ASTEROIDS AND PAC-MAN, AND
|
||
ANYONE CAN BUY AND EVEN UNDERSTAND
|
||
THEIR VERY OWN PERSONAL COMPUTER. THE
|
||
REAL PROGRAMMER IS IN DANGER OF
|
||
BECOMING EXTINCT, OF BEING REPLACED BY
|
||
HIGH-SCHOOL STUDENTS WITH TRASH-80'S.
|
||
|
||
THERE IS A CLEAR NEED TO POINT OUT
|
||
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TYPICAL
|
||
HIGH-SCHOOL JUNIOR PAC-MAN PLAYER AND A
|
||
REAL PROGRAMMER. IF THIS DIFFERENCE IS
|
||
MADE CLEAR, IT WILL GIVE THESE KIDS
|
||
SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO -- A ROLE MODEL,
|
||
A FATHER FIGURE. IT WILL ALSO HELP
|
||
EXPLAIN TO THE EMPLOYERS OF REAL
|
||
PROGRAMMERS WHY IT WOULD BE A MISTAKE
|
||
TO REPLACE THE REAL PROGRAMMERS ON
|
||
THEIR STAFF WITH 12-YEAR-OLD PAC-MAN
|
||
PLAYERS (AT A CONSIDERABLE SALARY
|
||
SAVINGS).
|
||
|
||
LANGUAGES
|
||
---------
|
||
|
||
THE EASIEST WAY TO TELL A REAL
|
||
PROGRAMMER FROM THE CROWD IS BY THE
|
||
PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE HE (OR SHE) USES.
|
||
REAL PROGRAMMERS USE FORTRAN. QUICHE
|
||
EATERS USE PASCAL. NICLAUS WIRTH, THE
|
||
DESIGNER OF PASCAL, GIVE A TALK ONCE
|
||
AT WHICH HE WAS ASKED "HOW DO YOU
|
||
PRONOUNCE YOUR NAME?". HE REPLIED, "YOU
|
||
CAN EITHER CALL ME BE NAME, PRONOUNCING
|
||
IT 'VEERT', OR CALL ME BY VALUE,
|
||
'WORTH'." ONE CAN TELL IMMEDIATELY FROM
|
||
THIS COMMENT THAT NICKLAYS WIRTH IS A
|
||
QUICHE EATER. THE ONLY PARAMETER
|
||
PASSING MECHANISM ENDORSED BY REAL
|
||
PROGRAMMERS IS CALL-BY-VALUE-RETURN,
|
||
AS IMPLENTED IN THE IBM/370 FORTAN-G
|
||
AND H COMPILERS. REAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T
|
||
NEED ALL THESE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS TO
|
||
GET THEIR JOBS DONE -- THEY ARE
|
||
PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH A KEYPUNCH, A
|
||
FORTRAN IV COMPILER, AND A BEER.
|
||
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS DO LIST PROCESSING
|
||
IN FORTRAN
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS DO STRING
|
||
MANIPULATION IN FORTRAN
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS DO ACCOUNTING (IF
|
||
THEY DO IT AT ALL) IN FORTRAN
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS DO ARTIFICIAL
|
||
INTELLIGENCE PROGRAMS IN FORTRAN
|
||
|
||
IF YOU CAN'T DO IT IN FORTRAN, DO IT IN
|
||
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE. IF YOU CAN'T DO IT
|
||
IN ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE, IT ISN'T WORTH
|
||
DOING.
|
||
|
||
STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING
|
||
----------------------
|
||
|
||
THE ACADEMICS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE
|
||
HAVE GOTEN INTO THE "STRUCTURED
|
||
PROGRAMMING" RUT OVER THE PAST SEVERAL
|
||
YEARS. THEY CLAIM THAT PROGRAMS ARE
|
||
MORE EASILY UNDERSTOOD IF THE
|
||
PROGRAMMER USES SOME SPECIAL LANGUAGE
|
||
CONSTRUCTS AND TECHNIQUES. THEY DON'T
|
||
ALL AGREE ON EXACTLY WHICH CONSTRUCTS,
|
||
OF COURSE, AND THE EXAMPLES THEY USE TO
|
||
SHOW THEIR PARTICULAR POINT OF VIEW
|
||
INVARIABLY FIT ON A SINGLE PAGE OF SOME
|
||
OBSCURE JOURNAL OR ANOTHER -- CLEARLY
|
||
NOT ENOUGH OF AN EXAMPLE TO CONVINCE
|
||
ANYONE. WHEN I GOT OUT OF SCHOOL, I
|
||
THOUGHT I WAS THE BEST PROGRAMMER IN
|
||
THE WORLD. I COULD WRITE AN UNBEATBLE
|
||
TIC-TAC-TOE PROGRAM, USE FIVE DIFFERENT
|
||
COMPUTER LANGUAGES, AND CREATE 1000
|
||
LINE PROGRAMS THAT WORKED. (REALLY!)
|
||
THEN I GOT OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD. MY
|
||
FIRST TASK IN THE REAL WORLD WAS TO
|
||
READ AND UNDERSTAND A 200,000-LINE
|
||
FORTRAN PROGRAM, THEN SPEED IT UP BY A
|
||
FACTOR OF TWO. ANY REAL PROGRAMMER WILL
|
||
TELL YOU THAT ALL THE STRUCTURED CODING
|
||
IN THE WORLD WON'T HELP YOU SOLVE A
|
||
PROBLEM LIKE THAT -- IT TAKES ACTUAL
|
||
TALENT. SOME QUCIK OBSERVATIONS ON REAL
|
||
PROGRAMMERS AND STRUCTURED PROGRAMMING:
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS AREN'T AFRAID TO
|
||
USE GOTO'S
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS CAN WRITE FIVE-PAGE
|
||
-LONG DO LOOPS WITHOUT GETTING
|
||
CONFUSED
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRMMERS LIKE ARITHMETIC IF
|
||
STATEMENTS -- THEY MAKE THE CODE
|
||
MORE INTERESTING
|
||
|
||
* REAL PROGRAMMERS WRITE SELF-MODIFYING
|
||
CODE, ESPECIALLY IF THEY CAN SAVE 20
|
||
NANOSECONDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A TIGHT
|
||
LOOP
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
:::: GENERAL INTEREST TOPICS ::::
|
||
|
||
* = TOPICS ACTIVE NO
|
||
|
||
(?=MENU, # ) -->:
|
||
Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
|
||
|