64 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
64 lines
3.3 KiB
Plaintext
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Mail-From: ARPANET host PARC-MAXC received by CMU-10A at 4-Oct-82 15:02:30-EDT
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Date: 4 Oct. 1982 11:54 am PDT (Monday)
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From: Horning.pa
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Subject: LAIDBACK
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[Excerpts from a paper (journal unknown) by John Unger Zussman, forwarded to
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me by Bill McKeeman.]
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BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL . . . these programming languages are well known
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and (more or less) well loved throughout the computer industry. There are
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numerous other languages, however, that are less well known yet still have
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ardent devotees. In fact, these little-known languages generally have the most
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fanatic admirers. For those who wish to know more about these obsure
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languages--and why they are obscure--I present the following catalog.
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* SIMPLE--SIMPLE is an acronym for Sheer Idiot's Monopurpose Programming
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Linguistic Environment. This language developed at the Hanover College for
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Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with
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errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN, END and STOP. No
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matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a syntax error.
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Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful. Thus, they achieve the results of
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programs written in other languages without the tedious, frustrating process of
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testing and debugging.
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*SLOBOL--SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
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Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile,
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SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the coffee. . . .
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*LAIDBACK-- Historically, VALGOL is a derivative of LAIDBACK, which was
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developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness
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and Computer Programming, as an alternative to the more intense atmosphere in
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nearby Silicon Valley.
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The center was ideal for programmers who like to soak in hot tubs while they
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worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the
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center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier.
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Many mourn the demise of LAIDBACK because of its reputation as a gentle and
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nonthreatening language. For example, LAIDBACK responded to syntax errors
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with the message, SORRY MAN, I CAN'T DEAL BEHIND THAT.
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*SARTRE--Named after the late existential philosopher, SARTRE is an extremely
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unstructured language. Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are.
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Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions. SARTRE
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programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are no fun at parties.
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*C- --This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he
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submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class. C- is best
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described as a "low level" programming language. In fact, the language generally
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requires more C- statements than machine-code statements to execute a given
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task. In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL.
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*LITHP--This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence
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of an "S" in its character set. Programmers and users must substitute "TH." LITHP
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is said to be useful in protheththing lithtth.
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*DOGO--Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training, DOGO
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heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. DOGO commands include SIT, STAY,
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HEEL and ROLL OVER. An innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy graphics," a
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small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves a deposit as he travels across the
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screen.
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