textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/markv.hum

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How'd you like to have a computer like this one:
* D * A * N * G * E * R *
* D * A * N * G * E * R *
I, the MARK V Home Computer Alarm detect a suspicious looking individual
attempting to force entry into the building.
Commencing Intruder Log:
18:33:47.023 Front door breached.
18:34:54.543 Photocell Checkpoint Alpha passed.
18:36:06.105 Weight of 97 kilograms detected on first stairstep.
18:37:22.133 Intruder on landing; digital photograph taken.
18:37:22.345 Photograph stored and processed: analysis indicates White Anglo
Saxon Catholic male with a scar above the left eye and a slight
lisp.
18:37:22.665 Photograph dispatched via telesat to interpol.
18:37:22.982 Interpol returned id as "Greg Heiss," known computer thief and
Arlingtonite.
18:37:22.995 Energize defense system.
18:37:23.442 Target on fifth step of second tier.
18:37:23.445 Defense system ready.
18:37:25.045 Target at top of stairs. Lock on 50 megawatt laser.
18:37:25.050 Laser locked on. Query supreme court Robo-Judge for permission
to terminate life of intruder.
18:37:25.052 Permission granted and verified.
18:37:25.053 ====== Z A P ======
18:37:25.054 Switch air recirculation system to High Clean.
18:37:25.100 Notify building engineering office of repairs needed to front
door and rear wall over stairs.
18:37:25.125 Reset alarm system.
18:37:25.143 Terminate Intruder Log.
MARK V, ready.
(--- Creative Computing, Sep-Oct 1977---)
If you overlooked it, the time marks are significant. The intervals are
impressive.
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