85 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
85 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
From: sultan!dag Article-I.D.: sultan.116 Title: See Figure 1
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VMS Version 3
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Please stop submitting SPR's. This is our system. We designed it,
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we built it, and we use it more than you do. If there are some features
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you think might be missing, if the system isn't as effective as you think
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it could be, TOUGH! Give it back, we don't need you. See Figure 1.
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---------------------------------
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! _ !
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! { } !
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! | | !
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! | | !
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! .-.! !.-. !
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! .-! ! ! !.-. !
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! ! ! ! ; !
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! \ ; !
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! \ ; !
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! ! : !
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! !
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!_______________________________!
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Figure 1.
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Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the features
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of the VMS operating system.
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1) Options. We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you need two
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strong people to carry the documentation around. So many that it will be
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a cold day in hell before half of them are used. So many that you are
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probably not going to do your work right anyway. However, the number of
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options isn't all that important, because we picked some interesting values for
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the options and called them ...
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2) Defaults. We put a lot of thought into our defaults. We like them.
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If we didn't, we would have made something else be the default. So keep
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your cotton-picking hands off our defaults. Don't touch. Consider them
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mandatory. "Mandatory defaults" has a nice ring to it. Change them and
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your system crashes, tough. See Figure 1.
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3) Language Processors. They work just fine. They take in source, and
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often produce object files as a reward for your efforts. You don't
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like the code? Too bad! You can even try to call operating system services
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from them. For any that you can't, use the assembler like we do.
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We spoke to the language processor developers about this, they think a lot
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like we do, they said "See Figure 1".
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4) Debuggers. We've got debuggers, one we support and one we use. You
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shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a waste of time. We don't want to
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hear anything about debuggers, we're not interested, See Figure 1.
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5) Error Logging. Ignore it. Why give yourself an ulcer? You don't
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want to give us the machine to get the problem fixed and we probably
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can't do it anyway. Oh, and if something breaks between 17:00 and 18:00 or
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9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and 13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30 don't waste your
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time calling us, we're out. See Figure 1.
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6) Command Language. We designed it ourselves, it's perfect. We like
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it so much we put our name on it, DCL- Digital's Command Language. In
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fact we're so happy with it, we designed it once for each of our operating
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systems. We even try to keep it the same from release to release, sometimes
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we blow it though, See Figure 1.
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7) Real Time Performance. We got it. Who else could have done
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such a good job? So the system seems sluggish with all those priority 18
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processes, no problem, just make them priority 1. Anyway, realtime isn't
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important anymore like it used to be. We changed our groups name to get
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rid of the word realtime, we told all our realtime users to See Figure 1
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a long time ago.
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In conclusion, stuff your SPR. Love VMS or leave it, but don't complain.
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-adapted from TOPS-20
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