108 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
108 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
= THE TRAGEDY OF AN ON-LINE ADDICTION =
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- by Steve King -
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"Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife
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scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than
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twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive) computer!" she
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continued as she escalated to screaming.
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"I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie -- I'm
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addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I
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owe my soul to the phone company."
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As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the
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preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a
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tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users.
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Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there
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seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of
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almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even
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going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My Modems."
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If you don't already own one of those evil instruments called a modem, take
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warning! Don't even think about buying one. Modem fever sets in very quietly;
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it sneaks up on you and then grabs you by the wallet, checkbook or, heaven
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forbid, credit cards.
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Once you own a modem, you enter the insidious addictive trap by "dialing up"
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a friend who also has a modem. For some strange reason, typing messages to
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each other fascinates you. (Even if it is less than 10% of the speed that you
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can speak the same words over a normal voice phone link.) Of course, you make
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several attempts at hooking up before you finally figure out that at least one
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of you must be in the half-duplex mode; that discovery actually titillates you
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(sounds impossible, but it's true).
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Then your modem-buddy (friend is too good a term) sews another seed on the
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road to on-line addiction by giving you the number of a local RBBS (Remote
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Bulletin Board Service). Once you get an RBBS phone number, you've taken the
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first fatal step in a journey that can only end in on-line addiction.
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After you take the next step by dialing up the the RBBS your modem-buddy told
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you about, you find that it's very easy to "log-on." This weird form of
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conversation with an unattended computer is strangely exciting, much more so
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than just typing messages when you're on-line with your modem-buddy. The
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initial bulletins scroll by and inform you about the board, but you're too "up"
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to comprehend most of it. Then you read some of the messages in the message
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section and maybe, in a tenative manner, you enter one or two of your own.
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That's fun, but the excitement starts to wear off; you're calming down.
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Thinking that it might be worthwhile to go back and re-read the log-on
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bulletins, you return to the main RBBS menu.
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Then it happens. The RBBS provides the bait that entices you all the way
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into the fiery hell of modem addiction. As you look at the RBBS main menu to
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learn how to return to the log-on bulletins, you find an item called FILES. By
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asking your host computer for FILES, you thread the bait onto the hook of
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corruption; the FILES SUBMENU sets the hook. You start running with the line
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when you LIST the files; you leap into the air with the sheer joy of the fight
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when all those public domain program titles and descriptions scroll by.
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They're FREE!!! All you have to do is tell the bulletin board to download
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(transmit) them to you. You download your first program and you're landed, in
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the creel, cleaned and ready for the cooking fires. In just 55 minutes after
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you logged-onto the board, you've downloaded six programs, one of them is
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Andrew Fleugelman's PC-Talk, version 3 (truly an instrument for evil).
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RBBSLIST.DOC, which is also among the files you downloaded, contains a list
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of a great number of bulletin boards throughout the country. (There's evil all
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around us, constantly tempting us!) You print the list and find about 60 RBBS
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phone numbers. (Have mercy on our souls!) The list also gives you the hours of
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operation, communications parameters and informs you about each board's
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specialty. You decide to try PC-Talk and use it to dial-up an RBBS about three
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states away. Since the line is busy, you pass the time entering all those RBBS
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phone numbers into PC-Talk's voluminous dialing directory.
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You try the number again -- still busy. You think, "Hey, there's one that
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specializes in Pascal programs. Maybe I'l try it. It's about half-way across
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the country, but it's after 5pm and the phone rates have changed. It won't be
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too expensive."
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The Pascal board answers. After 45 minutes you've downloaded another five
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programs. Then you call another board -- only this one's completely across the
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country from California, in Florida. And so it goes on into the night... And
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the next night... And the next...
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Some days it gets to you. You begin to feel the dirtiness of modem
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addiction, particularly when your wife makes you feel like a child by berating
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you for those astronomical phone bills -- if she hasn't divorced you by then.
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Every time you sit down before your IBM PC to do some work, you dial up another
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RBBS instead. If that one's busy, you call another, and another, until you
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connect. Then you feel OK, almost "high." When you finally hang up, you still
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can't work; you can only dial up another RBBS.
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Your downfall as an on-line addict is just another one of this society's
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terrible tragedies, such as polygamy or the compulsion to circle all the
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numbers on computer magazine "bingo cards." Eventually your whole social life
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relies upon only the messages you find on electronic bulletin boards; your only
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happiness is the programs you have downloaded. (You never try any of them, you
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only collect them.)
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Hope exists, however. We, the dedicated but under-paid staff of Modems
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Anonymous, have done extensive research to find a cure for modem mania, which
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has been ruining hundreds of lives. And we have succeeded in our quest. The
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cure is really quite simple, yet effective: Set up your own remote bulletin
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board service. Then all the other modem addicts will phone you, and their
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wives can nag at them about $450 phone bills. And you can find peace -- at
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last.
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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