textfiles/humor/COMPUTER/comp.jok

154 lines
8.6 KiB
Plaintext
Raw Permalink Blame History

This file contains invisible Unicode characters

This file contains invisible Unicode characters that are indistinguishable to humans but may be processed differently by a computer. If you think that this is intentional, you can safely ignore this warning. Use the Escape button to reveal them.

From woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu Tue Aug 14 13:16:32 1990
From: woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu (MIKE WOOLARD)
Subject: Computer Mania---- A MENTAL DISORDER?!??!?!?!???? :^(
MICROCOMPUTER MANIA--A New Mental Disorder????
By Steven Starker, PH.D.
The american psychiatric association recently updated its
listing of diagnostic categories with the intention that every
form of mental and emotional illness be described. In the short
time since its revision and publication, however, a new form of
insanity has appeared in this country that threatens to reach
epidemic proportions in a few years. It is therefore necessary
to propose an addendum to the official A.P.A. diagnostic
categories, namely, a disease entity that I call "MICROCOMPUTER
MANIA." the onset, symptomatology, and typical progress are
presented here as a first step toward coping with this insidious
threat to the contemporary psyche.
AGE OF ONSET: The illness can strike at almost any age but
seems especially prevalent among adults ages 18 to 50. There
have been occasional case reports of very early onset (ages 5 or
6), however, and outbreaks among teenagers are not uncommon.
EARLY INDICATIONS: There are a few early warning signs by
which a concerned family member or health professional may
recognize the incipient stage of the illness.
COMPULSIVE MAGAZINE BUYING: The unfortunate individual experiences
an irresistible urge to buy magazines, spends hours poring over
them, and rapidly amasses a huge collection. Each issue has
something to do with computers, ranging from the "hard-core"
computer technology magazines through "soft-core" electronics
publications. At the extreme, any magazine bearing a picture of a
computer terminal on its cover or the word computer in one of its
articles is immediately acquired.
CRUISING: There is a profound compulsion to locate and repeatedly
visit every available store selling microcomputer equipment. these
"cruisers" become well known to shop owners and sales people, some
of whom are unscrupulous enough to prey on them by attempting to
sell them all manner of computer goods. At the extreme are those
individuals who will even cruise electronics supply stores or
stereo shops in order to be near some integrated circuit chips.
(particularly bad cases may be found loitering about electronic
cash registers, typewriters, and computerized banking machines.)
DDTERIORATION OF VOCABULARY: Peculiar verbalizations begin to
compete with normal, healthy speech. Words having oral
connotations, such as "apple", "byte", and "nibble", are uttered
along with more obvious gibberish like "DOS, ROM, RAM." The
individual seems little involved in social conversation unti l the
topic of microcomputers is mentioned,whereupon an intense, exicted
state of consciousness is elicited along with a rapid flow of
peculiar verbalizations.
CRISIS: Thus far we have identified the three warning signs
that alert us to incipient microcomputer mania. The crisis that
may follow is even more dramatic.
EXTREME RATIONALIZATION: An elaborate series of
rationalizations develops around a common theme -- the absolute
necessity of owning a microcomputer. Unlike schizophrenic
hallucinations, these ideas are not perceived as "voices" or
intrusive commands, but are experiences as truly logical thought.
Rationalizations commonly revolve around notions of self-
improvement, education, and efficiency. Content is relatively
unimportant to the diagnosis, however, as the victims of the
disorder may be endlessly creative in their rationalizations. The
key issue is the "absolute rightness" of owning a computer.
EXCITED SPENDING: This is the "manic" phase of the disorder
in which all self-control is abandoned and large sums of money
are spent on all manner of microcomputer equipment. A previously
competent, rational individual may withdraw thousands of dollars
from savings to purchase a vast array of "hardware" and "software"
THE SYNDROME: Following the acute manic phase, the full
syndrome becomes manifest.
SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL: As with most serious forms of mental
disturbance, the individual becomes increasingly withdrawn,
losing interest in work, food, sex, family, and so forth. He or
she may be found in a fixed (or frozen) position before the
computer monitor at any time of the day or night. The catatonic-
like pose is broken only by occasional rapid-finger movements
(RFM) over the microcomputer keyboard. persistent RFM may,in fact,
be the only signs of consciousness except for occasional grunts of
satisfaction or groan of frustration.
SLEEP DISTURBANCE: The individual is increasingly unwilling
and unable to go the bed, preferring to remain in position at the
computer. In milder cases, victims are eventually led away from
their computer s by a concerned family member; in more severe
cases the individual is commonly found slumped in a chair the
following morning with the computer equipment still running. Even
when asleep, RFM may still be noted by the careful observer.
PHYSICAL DETERIORATION: First to appear are strains of the
musculature, particularly the neck and lower back. Eyestrain is
common, along with a hollow vacant look. Lack of sufficient food,
exercise, and sleep all interact, contributing to the general
deterioration.
MARITAL DIFFICULTIES: Withdrawal into the world of
microcomputers inevitably leads to a decrement in communications
among family members. This problem is rarely noticed by the
victim of the disorder, but is bitterly described by the
unafflicted spouse. In families where both husband and wife are
afflicted, vicious fights over access to computer time are not
uncommon. When the children are additionally infected, the
situation becomes completely unmanageable and leads to regressions
to the manic phase (that is, further microcomputer purchases "for
the kids").
SYSTEMIC PROGRESSION: Not too long after onset of the illness
the individual experiences an irresistible need for additional, or
peripheral devices (printer, disk drive, and so forth) in order to
expand into a full microcomputer system. Huge sums of money are
periodically spent in efforts to satisfy this need. no more than
two months after any particular purchase however, a subsequent
acquisition begins to appear essential.
SEPARATION ANXIETY: The individual experiences a growing
dread of being separated from the microcomputer. He or she may
attempt to install a system at work to complement one at home
(or vice versa). When persuaded by family members to take a
vacation, the victim packs the computer first. At the extreme,
individuals have been known to purchase pocket-siz e portable
microcomputers and to carry them around at all times.
ETIOLOGY: To date, little is known about the causes of
microcomputer mania. observations show it to be highly contagious,
leading some medical investigators to speculate that a new strain
of virus is involved. Others have suggested some genetic defect.
Still others believe that a virile agent interacting with an
existing genetic predisposition provides the best explanation.
Experimental psychologist are attempting to explain the disorder
in terms of learned behavior patterns, while psychoanalysts are
speaking of early psychos dual fixations.
TREATMENT: No effective treatment has been found. It is
particulary unfortunate that many of the scientists needed to
research this disorder have themselves fallen victim to it.
Clearly, there is an urgent need for more research into this
major public health problem.
Mike Woolard
woolard@uns-helios.nevada.edu