91 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
3.8 KiB
Plaintext
Date: 16 May 1988 12:15:12-EDT
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Mon, 16 May 88 11:10:08 ast
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From: bard at THEORY.LCS.MIT.EDU at MIT-CCC,
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Bard Bloom <bard at THEORY.LCS.MIT.EDU>
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To: info-cobol at XX.LCS.MIT.EDU
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Do you strive for Perfection, yet fail again and again?
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If so, perhaps you need ...
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... the MIT Robot Chaperone (Version 1.00B) !!!!!
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The product of ninety-three years of intense dedicated research by hundreds
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by fanatically-devoted MIT graduate students, this miraculous robot will help
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you achieve the spiritual state that *you* deserve! Never again will you
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need fear committing even the most venial of sins! And all without the
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difficulty of obtaining a human chaperone!
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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* WHAT WILL ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE THINK OF NEXT??? *
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* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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Optional Features:
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- high-resolution (256x400 pixel) graphics display
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- Modules for the world's major ethical systems.
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* Kantean and Buddhist modules will be released 8/1/88
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* Utilitarian ethics module requires the optional
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high-precision arithmetic coprocessor.
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- Unblinking electric eyes
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- Expansion to 256K memory and 5 Meg hard disk
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- Built-in casuistry circuits for difficult situations
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- "Pause" button
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Here's what the experts agree to:
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"A very marvellous invention. It's good to see all that
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artificial intelligence being put to a use for a change."
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Irving Paleontologist-Smythe,
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MIT Department of Electrical Engineering and Moral Philosophy
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"MIT Robot Guarantees Mechano-Sainthood! Millions Saved!"
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National Enquirer
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"So that's what they were doing instead of thesis research.
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I wondered why they were taking so long."
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John Stuart Mill
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MIT Department of Electrical Engineering and
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Mathematics.
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"Tjnqmf tvctujuvujpo dzqifst bsf b wfsz jotfdvsf gpsn pg
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dszquptztufn. Fwfo bo vousbjofe dszqupmphjtu tipvme ibwf
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mjuumf uspvcmf csfbljoh b tipsu nfttbhf, rvjdlmz boe xjuipvu
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dpnqvufs bttjtubodf. Tvdi tztufnt bsf uboubnpvou up usbotnjuujoh
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uif nfttbhf xjuipvu boz fodszqujpo bu bmm."
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Spobme Sjwftu,
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NJU Efqbsunfou pg Fmfdusjdbm Fohjoffsjoh boe
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Dpnqvufs Tdjfodf,
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Dp-jowfoups pg uif STB Qvcmjd-Lfz Dszquptztufn.
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"A superb hack, demonstrating a fine command of LISP and
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functional languages and a fine command of ethical and
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moral philosophy, programmed up in a stressed-plastic shell
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with silicon chips with just a soupcon of germanium, marinated in
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meta-super-hyper-extra-virgin olive oil, roasted over a mesquite
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fire to just the right degree of doneness, and served with
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eggplant-walnut brownies and pickled leeches."
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Boston Weekend Magazine
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"At last! I no longer must worry about accidentally falling into some
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subtle moral trap or the wile of the world, for I have my stout and worthy
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Robot Chaperone always at my side! My relief is boundless and
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unquestionable!"
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Edwin Meese,
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MIT Department of Electrical Engineering and
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Corrupt Sleaziness.
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"Not only did I not endorse this produce, I did not even write
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this endorsement. It is a forgery, pure and simple, and a
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rather poor and incompetant forgery at that. I repudiate all claims
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made in my name by the manufacturers of this so-called `Robot Chaperone',
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and insist that they cease their irresponsible misuse of my name."
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Marvin Minsky,
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MIT Department of Electrical Engineering and
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Everything Else
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GUARANTEE: Complete bug-free operation (modulo user error) or your chastity
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back!
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