362 lines
9.6 KiB
Plaintext
362 lines
9.6 KiB
Plaintext
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<\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/>
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<< >>
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<< What Assholes Do ][ >>
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<< >>
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<< By The Blade >>
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<< >>
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<< and >>
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<< >>
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<< The Metallian >>
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<<__________________________________>>
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// \\
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// A Neon Knight \\
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// \\
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// and \\
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// \\
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// A Metal Communications \\
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// \\
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// Presentation. \\
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\\__________________________________//
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Well here I am again, and with a side-
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kick, The Metallian, one of the very
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few cool people around. We are writing
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this file with a new technique...
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called telewriting. Telewriting is
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when two people write a text file at
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the same time, over the modem. This
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technique will be explained later in
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a text file called <Telewriting>.
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Ok enough with the bullshit, lets get
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down to business. Since the new year,
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there has been an influx of Assholes
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coming onto the tele-computing scene.
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Where do they all come from? We will
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explore this right now...
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<In>
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What Assholes Do ][
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Where do they come from is a very
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very good question. From my experence,
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they appearently came from Christmas,
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kids who got modems for a present.
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These kids (sometimes over 20 years
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old) do not know anything about what
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they just recieved, and immeadiatly
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call compuserve with their free pass-
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word that came with the modem. Once
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on Compuserve, they go to help 75
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times to find out what they are doing.
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After getting tired of calling compu-
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serve for 17 days straight, they come
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accross a BBS number. Which is
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usually a board like The Northwest
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Connection or one that is NetMaster and
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sucks, but still has a list of BBS's
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which unfortunatly for us, has one
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or two cool BBS's on it.
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Then the Asshole calls "The Gates of
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Hell", which is the only cool local
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BBS in your area, then the ass gets
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validated because the SYSOP has no
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idea who this kid is, so he gives him
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a chance on the system. Now the ass
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is trying to make friends in the
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local community, so he posts a message
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to try to get some friends. Maybe such
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as this one:
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Date: March 7, 1984
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Time: 8:40 p.m.
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Name: The Masked Masher
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Subject: <<Hey Dudezzz!!!>>
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-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
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Hey fellow computer nuts! This is the
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<M-asked <M-asher (You can call me
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<M&M> if you want (he he he) I am reel
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knew at useing my Networker Modem with
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reel K-K00L software. I luv it, I get
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to meet real neato people over the
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modem, like on Compuserve. Have any
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of u people called Compuserve, it is
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reel neato. If you want, you can
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borrow my password for a day, as long
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as you dont stay on 2 long. I heard
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about this reel cool modem program that
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someone told me, I think he called it
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A.E. isn't that a game? I think he
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was lieing! Does anyone have a modem
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program called that? I wood reely
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apriciate it if sumone could give it
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2 me so i could trade reel K00L wares
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reel quick over my fone. I am interest-
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ed in trading, I have a couple of neeto
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games that my dad got me for Christmas,
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Apple Panic, Orbitron, Taxman (I think
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that Taxman is like pacman), and I also
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got Chronicles of Narnia, my favorite.
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Also if any 1 lost their system master,
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i could give them a spare copy. Thanx
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Guys! Leave me lots of mail.
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THE
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/\/\ /-\ S K E D
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/\/\ /-\ S H E R!!!!
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CALL ME AT 201-238-9357 TO CHAT!!!!
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/ew
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.save my message
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/help sysop!
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/finished
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/done
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/end
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---------------------------------------
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This kid is nothing else but an
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Asshole. Now he has infultrated your
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territory, you must take action, get
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rid of all Assholes in the area!
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If a message you have written resembles
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this then there is help that can be
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given. As we will discribe later.
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<How to take action against the Asshole>
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Ok, a real ass has come into your
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territory, and you will not stand it!
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You must get rid of him before he gets
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others like him all over the board
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and make it "Asshole Alley".
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First: Take moderate action, leave him
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a note in e-mail telling him that he is
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an ass. If this doesnt work then....
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Second: Make a public attack, on
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any board, public is the best.
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Here is an example:
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Time: 3:09 a.m.
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Name: The Angel of Destiny
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Subject: Masked Masher is a Asshole!
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The Masked Masher is a LOSER, he has
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entered our ironclad world and he
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attempts to be cool, well, as you can
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see by his message, it is obvious,
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let's trash the dick, blow him to bits,
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make him want to take his shitty
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Networker modem and blow him to Hell,
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he is not good enough for this board,
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so Mr. Masher, if you call back, or
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post another message, bad things will
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happen to you and members of your
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family.
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A friendly warning.
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From:
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The Angel of Destiny.
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Metal Communications Inc.
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Later dudes.
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---------------------------------------
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This simple warning usually doesnt
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work, then the fun starts. Below is a
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list of some fun things you can do to
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your local asshole.
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1. Put his name on a Black-List so as
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he will never get onto any other
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boards that are any good again.
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2. Put his home fone line on auto-dial
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for 3 or 4 days.
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3. Break into your local bank's
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computer and take all their money
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out of their savings.
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4. Call up his parents and say that you
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are any particular corperation and
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have reason to believe that he has
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been using his modem illegally to
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obtain information.
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5. Get someone to Credit Card fifteen
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plane tickets to Theran, Iran on a
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airline like IranAir.
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6. Break into his house and spray paint
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the Dining Room walls black and
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nicely arrange decaying animals
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that you have found on the table.
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7. If this all fails, kill his dog.
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8. If the dog bites you, sue them for
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all they are worth (about $1.95).
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10. If all this fails, burn his house
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down.
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---------------------------------------
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Ok, well, next, we will discuss how you
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can avoid all of this, we will point
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out some of the things, frankly, what
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assholes do, this way you can avoid
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this great discomfort.
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<><><><More of what assholes do><><><>
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Assholes Do not know what phreaking is
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or asks anyone whether they are or not.
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Assholes use Data Capture 4.0 when
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calling an AE.
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Assholes think that CP/M mean Afternoon
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in Central standard time.
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Assholes do not notch there disks
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because they are afraid they will
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notch into the disk.
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Assholes have Anti-Static mats under
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their chairs so they wont blow out
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their computer with a static surge.
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Assholes try to use Zoom Graphics or
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Print Shop on a Daisy Wheel Printer.
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Assholes wear pens and pencils behind
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their ears.
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Assholes wear the converse high tops
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that are 15 diffrent colors.
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Assholes do not know the word "Levis".
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Assholes leave hundreds of bitch
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messages on a AE if the sysop doesan't
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have the ware he wants, even if it is
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older than what is up.
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Assholes also spend three hours
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leaving posts bitching at the sysop,
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when the sysop can boot Copy 2+ and
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delete them in a second.
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Assholes spend almost all their time
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either at the computer or the library.
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Assholes read books.
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Assholes think that the guy who cracked
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Beagle Bag must be a genious.
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Assholes are listening to Culture Club
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or Michael Jackson while they ar
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reading this file, or even touching
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the computer.
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Assholes have speakerphones.
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Assholes hang up when the sysop wants
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to go voice because there voice is
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still real high.
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Assholes like to go to church.
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Assholes are Mormans.
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Assholes help their Moms food shop
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because they want to.
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Assholes write files that have to do
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with 100 ways to eat grapefruit, and
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like it.
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Assholes's moms make their lunch for
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them, and drive them to school when it
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is only 4 blocks away.
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Asshole's parents voted for Ronald
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Reagan, and still believe what he says.
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Assholes think that Club Tropicana is
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a cool group to be in.
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Assholes get anything they want from
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their parents when they ask for it.
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Assholes Don't know what carding is.
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Assholes live in trailer parks.
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Assholes stay at the dinner table after
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they are done eating because they like
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talking to their parents about school.
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Assholes call single drive AE/BBS's.
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Assholes should have never been born
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to begin with.
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---------------------------------------
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Because of the great deal of assholes
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in the world, we could be here for
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days, so we will let your mind think,
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if you do not know how, then you are
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an asshole, think about the above and
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try to find ways to stop being an
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asshole. Deleting this file would be
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a sure sign of assholeism.
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Look for Assholes /// coming to an AE
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or BBS or WHATEVER near you. And
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call these Genocidal Boards:
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---------------------------------------
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The Metal Catsend - 201-879-6668
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Catsend only-No Assholes-All the latest
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Metaland - 503-538-0761
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BBS-AE-10 megs-Sysop>The Metallian
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The Armoury - 201-267-1207
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10 meg BBS/AE - One of the best around
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Ms. Reality's AE - 818-706-2054
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The Master of Reality-SYSOP
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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Written on Saturday, Febuary 9, from
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11 p.m. to 4 a.m. EST-by Telewriting.
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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A Neon Knight
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and
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A Metal Communications
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release.
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\The Blade\The Metallian\2-9-85\MET
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