159 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
159 lines
6.3 KiB
Plaintext
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-----=====Earth's Dreamlands=====-----
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(313)558-5024 - 9600 v.32 - Sysop: Gug
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A Game Master Support BBS
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RPG, Fiction & Homebrew Beer Text
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Alice in UNIX Land
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Alice was reading the message on her monitor and beginning to suspect
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that everything was not as it should be. "Program too big to fit in
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memory," it read.
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"Curiouser and curiouser," she said, "All I did was load
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fourteen TSRs before starting my word processor. With four megabytes,
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I wish I could use more than 640K."
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"At that moment, a small white consultant ( a very white
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consultant) ran across the room. "Oh my coat and necktie," he said,
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"I'm going to be late for my appointment. And at one fifty an hour,
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too." Before Alice could say anything, he leaped into her monitor and
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disappeared behind her operating system.
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Alice thought that she had never seen anyone leap into a monitor
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before; and certainly not go clean through the operating system. But
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then, she had been told that DOS was very shallow. Without hesitating
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a moment, she leaped in after him.
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She found herself in a shiny corridor. Not knowing what else to
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do, she began walking. Turning a corner, she found herself facing two
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fat little men, each with an arm round the other's neck. One had "POS"
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embroidered on his collar, and the "NEG".
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"I know," said Alice, "you two are a transistor."
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"Yes," said Positive.
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"Can you help me? asked Alice.
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"No," said Negative.
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"I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the
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direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
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"No," said Negative.
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She pointed the other way.
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"Yes," said Positive.
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Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was
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there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that
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Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep.
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Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
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Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which
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they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they
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all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their
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right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice
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watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she
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approached and sat down.
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Immediately, a large toad leaped into her lap and looked at her
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as if it wanted to be loved. "Grep," it exclaimed.
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"Don't mind him," explained the Mad Hacker. "He's just looking
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for some string."
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"Nroff?" asked the Frog.
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The Mad Hacker handed Alice a cup of custard-like substance and
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a spoon. "Here," he said, "what do you think of this?"
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"It looks lovely," said Alice, "very sweet." She tried a
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spoonful. "Yuck!" she cried. "It's awful. What is it?"
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"Oh just another graphic interface for UNIX," answered the
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Hacker.
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Alice pointed to the sleeping Dormouse. "Who's he?" she asked.
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"That's OS Too," explained the Hacker. "We've pretty much given
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up on waking him.
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"Just than, a large, Blue Elephant sitting next to the Dormouse
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stood up. "Ladies and gentlemen," he trumpeted pompously, "as the
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largest creature here, I feel impelled to state that we must take an
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Open Look at..."
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A young Job Sparrow on the other side of the table stood up
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angrily. The Elephant noticed and changed his speech
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accordingly."...what our NextStep will be.
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"Half the creatures bowed in respect while the other half
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snickered quietly to themselves. Just then, OS Too fell over in his
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sleep, crashing into the Elephant and taking him down with him. No one
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seemed a bit surprised.
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"What we need," declared a Sun Bear as he lapped up custard with
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his long tongue," is a flavor that goes down like the Macintosh.
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"Suddenly, the White Consultant began jumping up and down as his
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face got red. "No, no, no! he screamed. "No one pays one fifty an
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hour to Macintosh consultants!"
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"Awk," said the Frog.
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"Users," explained the Sun Bear, "want an easy interface that
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they will not have to learn."
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"Users?" cried the Consultant in disbelief. "Users?! You mean
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secretaries, accountants, architects. Manual laborers!"
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"Well," responded the Sun Bear, "we've got to do something to
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make them want to switch to UNIX."
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"Do you think," said a Woodpecker who had been busy making a
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hole in the table, "that there might be a problem with the name `UNIX?'
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I mean, it does sort of suggest being less than a man."
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"Maybe we should try another name, " suggested the Job Sparrow,
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"like Brut, or Rambo."
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"Penix," suggested a Penguin.
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"Mount," said the Frog, "spawn."
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Alice slapped him. "Nice?" he asked.
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"But then again," suggested the Woodpecker, "what about the
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shrinkwrap issue?"
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Suddenly, everyone leaped up and started dashing about, waving
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their hands in the air and screaming. Just as suddenly, they all sat
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down again.
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"Now that that's settled," said the Woodpecker, "let's go back
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to tasting flavors."
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Everyone at the table sampled a new cup of custard. "Wrong
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flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup to the creature on
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their right and took the one being offered on their left.
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Totally confused, Alice got up and left. After she had been
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walking away, she heard a familiar voice behind her.
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"Rem," is said, "edlin."
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Alice turned and saw the Frog. She smiled. "Those are queer
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sounding words," she said, "but at least I know what they mean."
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"Chkdsk," said the Frog.
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-----By Lincoln Spector TEXAS COMPUTER CURRENTS SEPTEMBER 1989
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