95 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
95 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL LIVES! #11
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The darkness cleared as we got out of the tunnel and it occurred to me that
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I couldn't be all that injured. Then again, maybe I was. Someone was going
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to p..
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I died.
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Of course, a true BOFH considers this not really as dying, but more of going
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home for the holidays.
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Five seconds later, I'm getting the upside of 15Kv across the nipples. (These
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ambulance guys sure know how to party).
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BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL LIVES!
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Three weeks later I'm back on my backside and feeling rested at relaxed behind
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the console again. The rest has done me good, I feel *great!*. I catch up on
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everyone's email then let the students know I'm back by performing an impromptu
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preventative maintenance in the middle of lab time by kicking the restart
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switch (They love it really)
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I flip today's excuse card, "GLOBAL WARMING" YES YES YES! What a welcome
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home!
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It's the end of the month so all those automatic email reminder programs will
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be sending messages all over the place. I set the system clock back 7 days
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to buy some peace and quiet and swap the printer ribbon for the three year old
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one with holes in it.
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I sort through my snail mail and crack open the BOFH Monthly Newsletter,
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"kill -9" and check out the articles therein. There's a nice peice of making
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OS2 slow, boring and painful, but it looks exactly like the OS2 installation
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instructions to me... Ah, who knows. I head straight to the BOFH Wizard
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section to see if any of my articles were published. All of them!!! Even
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the one about the c compiler that randomly removes one line from the source
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code it's compiling!
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The phone rings.
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"The Screen on my PC is blank!!!"
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"It's the power cord" I say
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"No, I checked that. When I switch it on, it does nothing!"
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"It's the power cord" I say
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"No, I checked and it's all plugged in properly. There's no lights on the
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keyboard or anything"
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"It's the power cord" I say
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"Oh. I just noticed, the cord's not plugged in properly!"
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"The power cord?" I ask
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"Yes... Woopsy"
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"No worries at all" I say "Is it all working well now?"
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"Yes, I think so. I'm sorry, you WERE right all along"
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"Yes, we're getting a lot of this, it's due to the current Global Warming
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problem. It causes random thermal expansion and contraction resulting in
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temperature induced movement of friction based holding mechanisms.."
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I listen carefully. Nothing. In other words, <DUMMY MODE ON>...
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"You can fix it permanently tho'" I say
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"Really? How?"
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"Well it's all to do with lowering salt deposits on the metal contacts"
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"Oh!" (Dummy mode irrevocably engaged)
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"All you need to do is just take the power plug out deposit some dilute mineral
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salts on it. Do you have some dilute mineral salts on you?"
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"Uh, no?"
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"Ok, no worries, just stick it in your mouth drool into it. But make sure you
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wipe the plug first to get rid of any germs, and TURN THE SWITCH OFF ON THE
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MONITOR before you do - we don't want a nasty accident!
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"Oh. Ok!"
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>Fzzzt< >clunk!<
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I hang up as the receiver hits the floor. Disk space is too good for them.
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spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
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