88 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
88 lines
3.6 KiB
Plaintext
BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #5
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I'm bored senseless, so I pass the time by reading users email. I must admit
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that today's lot is PARTICULARLY boring, not one good message in all of them.
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I was expecting at LEAST some veiled reference to a grope in a storeroom, but
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nothing. So I'm bored senseless by the usual drivel about some relative's
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surgery and how the weather is over the other side of the world - that sort
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of crap.
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To relieve the boredom, I remove a e-mail party invite from a user's mail
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and post it under the senders username to to alt.singles.with.severe.social.
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dysfunctions on news, and make a note in my diary to be there with my
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camcorder. Should be a blast!
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Next in line is the online medical records database, in which the company
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doctors store the current medical histories of the staff. I grep it quickly
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for "herpes" and "syphillus" and sell the results to the local scum newspaper.
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I cover my tracks by adding an entry to one of the doctor's online electronic
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diarys for yesterday saying "$500, Med Recs To Paper" I think that's all it
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should take..
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I move some tapes from the racks to the trolley to make it look like we really
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use them, then start looking thru archie listings for a hidden x-gif site. I
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find one then start a batch job running under some user's account to get them
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all back, charged to him. I make sure he's got enough disk for the job by
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removing any files not related to the task at hand. Like all those "Doctorate
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Final Report" papers that have got quite large in the last couple of weeks.
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I go back to the mail now, as something's bound to have happened. I do a grep
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on all mail files for the words "pregnant" and "family way", and post them
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anonymously to the local general interest newsgroup.
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Then, before anything can happen, the power goes out! The next second, the
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phone rings.
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"Hello?" I say, annoyed - the coyote was just about to kill roadrunner again!
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"Has the comput.."
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I hang up. This is a matter of life or death. Quick as I can I rip the
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computer power cable out of the UPS and plug the TV in. Damn! Wylie missed
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again!
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Meantime, all the alarms are going off like crazy as the disks spin down, but
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that's ok, because my Mac and Terminal are hardwired to the UPS in any case;
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and I'm at the Beer Factory level in Dark Castle too.
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The phone rings, so I pull the PABX breaker on the UPS switchboard and it
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stops. Now to look like I'm working. I break out the puck and the hockey
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stick and play a little one-on-wall. From the observation window it'll look
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like I'm being blindingly efficient, as per usual.
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10 Minutes later, the power is back and we're two HDA's down, but what the
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hell, I haven't lost a man, I'm onto the final screen, and there's more
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cartoons!
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The phone rings, it's a luser. (What a surprise)
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"Computer Room" I say, being efficient
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"Hello, when will the compu..."
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I hang up.
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I'm doing well in the screen, all I need do is get past the wizard who throws
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spells at you and I'm in!
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The phone rings again. I put it on hands free
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"Computer Room" I shout, still deep in the game.
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"I've lost my files" a user whines over the loudspeaker
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"You bet you have" I say, as my concentration lapses just long enough for
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me to get zapped by the wizard.
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"What was your username?" I say, all sweetness and smiles
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He tells me, I look, and he's right. Shit, and I didn't even do it!
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Not to be outdone, I change his login directory to the null device, set his
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path to "." and redefine the command "news" to execute a script in his old
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login directory to send a nasty message to the equal opportunities officer,
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then delete itself.
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Now that's trying!
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spt@waikato.ac.nz (Simon Travaglia)
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