339 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
339 lines
10 KiB
Plaintext
THIS IS CBS. (Booooooong)
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TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK ...
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CUT TO:
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Man being strapped into electric chair: But those boys all WANTED to die!
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I could tell by looking into their eyes. I was just trying to be
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NICE to them!
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CUT TO:
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Airline mechanic: Sure, we use Will Hold all the time for these here
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engine mounts. Save a fortune that way...
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CUT TO:
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Man at computer terminal being jumped by twelve policemen:
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But all I was doing was playing ZORK! I don't unders...
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CUT TO:
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Dan Rather: I'm Dan Rather.
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Morley Safer: And I'm Morley Safer. Welcome to another edition
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of Sixty Minutes.
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TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK ...
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Announcer voiceover: Sixty Minutes, brought to you tonight by:
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Voiceover 2: IBM, putting ideas to work for people.
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AV: And by:
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Voiceover 3: Stay-Free Maxi Pads, for the ultimate in feminine protection.
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--- COMMERCIALS ---
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Morley Safer: Good Evening.
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Tonight Sixty Minutes is breaking with our usual free-form
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format to present a special edition concerning the truly heinious
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crimes that have come to our attention in recent months.
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Dan Rather: We will look at the story of Billy Joe Kupertino, who murdered
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27 young boys after sexually molesting them with Tootsie Roll
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Pops and Trix cereal.
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MS: And the story of shoddy workmanship at Herb's Airlines, which was
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responsible for the deaths of more than 3000 people at the recent
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Hollywood Bowl crash of a elongated jumbo jet.
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DR: But first, a story so unbelievable, so incredibly bizarre and hideous,
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that the Sixty Minutes staff, used to horror in real life, was
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completely shocked by what we learned. It involves a massive
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Department of Defense computer network, national security, and
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high school students. It also strikes right to the bone of the
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American way and apple pie.
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MS: We call this story, the ARPANET TERROR, and you'll soon see why...
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CUT TO:
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Extreme closeup up IMP display register. Lights flashing. Gradually
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the camera pulls back to reveal the entire unit. There is scribbled
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graffiti all over the gray outside cover, including such anecdotes as
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"CBS SUCKS" and "FREE PAT PAULSON".
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MS: This is an IMP. Not the sprightly little character you read about
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as a child, this IMP is Satan incarnate himself.
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DR: Standing for Interface Message Processor, the IMP is a specialized
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minicomputer, with ENORMOUS processing power.
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MS: Yes, this device could add up a series of 200 fourteen digit numbers
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faster than you could say "Neilson Rating".
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DR: At least one of these devices sits in every Missile Base, Military
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Research Establishment, and many private firms, universities,
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and other subversive organizations.
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MS: And they are all linked together by these thin cables here (holds up
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twisted pair of red and white cable leading to clock radio on desk)
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to form the most insidious NETWORK of computers ever dreamt
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of in the worst of our nightmares.
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DR: This is the ARPANET. Operated by a little known organization in the
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Dept. of Defense, this network, originally designed as a research
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and development tool, has become the toy of high school students
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and the right hand of subversive organizations throughout the country.
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We first learned of this incredible story when a boy, twelve
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year old Racal Prentiss, called the Sixty Minutes staff complaining
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that he was no longer able to play his favorite computer game,
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called ZORK, due to the implementation of something called TIP LOGIN
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in his area. We sensed a big story immediately, and put the full
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resources of CBS behind the investigation.
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MS: And what we learned was truly incredible. After a series of
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interviews with high school students around the country, we learned
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that 83% of the computer club high school students in the United
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States regularly use and abuse the ARPANET. This was a larger
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percentage, by the way, than had passed puberty.
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DR: And their power and influence over the Dept. of Defense could hardly
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be underestimated. This tape should demonstrate:
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CUT TO VIDEO TAPE
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Wimpy High School Kid: Yeah, I've just dialed the TIP phone number.
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Now I put the phone into this modem.
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DR: What is a "MODEM"?
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Kid: It stands for Modus Operandi Device for Evil Motives.
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DR: Oh.
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Kid: Now I have to login to the TIP. Let's see now, which name should
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I use? Oh, here's a good one (as he refers to long list written
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on back of bubblegum wrapper).
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KID TYPES ON MODEL 33 TTY:
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Login Carter,Peanut
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TIP SERVER replies: @
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Kid: There. All done.
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DR: That's all there is to it?
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Kid: Yep. Now we can have some REAL fun!
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DR: What are you going to do?
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Kid: Well, watch this!
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@O 2827300098000-C
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Open T R
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NORAD-TENEX 1.32.1
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@log guest
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(Password) arpa
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(Account) arpa
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GUEST logged in.
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@LAUNCH
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NORTH AMERICAN AIR DEFENSE COMMAND MISSLE LAUNCHING CONTROL PROGRAM.
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ENTER ? FOR HELP.
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-> S(ET TARGET): NYC
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-> M(EGATONS): 50
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-> L(AUCH TIME): NOW
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[CONFIRM]
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READY FOR LAUNCH
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DR: Uh, you are kidding with this aren't you?
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Kid: What? Me worry?
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[ENTER CLEARANCE CODE FOR LAUNCH]
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--> FOO
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Launch proceeding.
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Missile in Position
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Ignition Successful
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Bird is Away!
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THANK YOU FOR A SUCCESSFUL LAUNCH. WHILE YOU ARE WAITING FOR
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IMPACT, HOW ABOUT A GAME OF ADVENTURE?
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DR: What is this "Adventure"?
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Kid: We won't bother with that, I already got all the points.
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DR: Uh, this is some sort of simulation, right?
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Kid: Oh no, this is real. I never DID like New York.
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DR: Well, this is horrible. Is there any way to stop it?
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Kid: Well, yeah. If you really want me to.
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DR: Please. My paychecks come from New York.
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Kid: Aw shucks, OK.
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IMPACT IN 15 SECONDS
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10 9 8 7 6
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^C
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^C
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@k
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GUEST logged out.
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Kid: There, all over.
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DR: Excuse me, I think I wet my pants.
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CUT TO DAN RATHER
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DR: Well folks, you saw it. A twelve year old boy almost obliterated
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New York City with a 50 Megaton nuclear blast.
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MS: Yes, and imagine what he might have done if he were angry!
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DR: Too bad he can't just hit ABC with a small tactical nuclear...
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MS: DAN!
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DR: I was just kidding, Morley. Haw haw haw.
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MS: You sound like Tom Snyder.
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DR: Maybe we could get HIM with the same blast.
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MS: Let's be serious, Dan.
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DR: Yes. Well. Ahem. We decided to go directly to the top when we
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realized how serious this situation was. We went directly to
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the home of Senator Proxmire in Washington D.C.
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CUT TO VIDEO TAPE
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MS: Here we are at the home of Senator Proxmire, the developer of
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the famous "Golden Fleece" award, given to those government
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agencies that have done the most to waste the taxpayers' money.
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(Dan and Morley walk up to door and ring doorbell)
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(Doorbell rings to tune of the "Funeral Dirge")
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Seven Year Old Child: Hello?
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DR: Hello. We're here from Sixty Minutes. Is your Daddy home?
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Child: Yeah, he's home, come on in.
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(They enter)
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(Senator Proxmire is sitting at the kitchen table hunched before
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a Silent 700 terminal. He is cursing under his breath...)
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Proxmire: God DAMN IT! I just DON'T see how to get around this snake.
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Child: Daddy! Someone's here for yo...
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P: Shut up, squirt. Can't you see I'm busy? Hmmm. Now, maybe if I
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eat the bird as a snack...
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DR: Senator? This is Dan Rather of Sixty Minutes...
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MS: And I'm his lovable sidekick, Morley Safer.
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P: HUH? OH. Yes. Uh. (He reaches behind his back and attempts to
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covertly remove the phone from a Radio Shack modem and hang
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it up.)
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DR: We're here in connection with our ARPANET inquiry, Sir.
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P: Oh yes. Well, since your office called, I've had my staff
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investigating this whole matter. And I was shocked. Simply
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shocked! (As he speaks, he is rolling up the output from the
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terminal and crumpling it into a little ball).
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MS: Sir, what do you intend to do about this situation?
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P: Well, uh, it appears to be a very, very complex matter. Uh, we
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don't want to jump to any, uh, conclusions about this
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type of thing. After all, National Security IS at stake here
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ya' know.
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DR: Yes, Sir. But I thought you said you were shocked?
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P: Well, er, yes.
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Child: Daddy, can I play ZORK now?
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P: Get the HELL away from here kid; you bother me.
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DR: Did he say ZORK?
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MS: Did he say ZOOORRRRRRKKKKK?
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P: No, he said, uh, Mork. That's it, he said "Mork". It's a new game
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based on the "Mork and Mindy" show. You've seen it?
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MS: I'm afraid not, sir. I believe it's on a competing network.
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P: Oh. Well. Whatever. I don't ...
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Child: Daddy! I want to get more ZORKmids!
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P: Will you PLEASE get away from here. Go to your room and play with
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your blue box.
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Child: OK, Daddy. (Child exits)
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DR: Now, Senator, if you will...
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P: My how time flies. I just realized I have an important meeting on the
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hill. Can't waste the taxpayers' money you know. Gotta get
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going.
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MS: But Senator. What about this ARPANET issue? We are very concerned.
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P: Oh yes. Well, I suggest you just drop the whole issue. You know,
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hush it up.
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DR: You can't be serious? ARPANETGATE?
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P: Well, whatever you want to call it. I have to leave now, gentlemen,
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let me show you to the door.
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CUT TO DAN AND MORLEY
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DR: Confused? Not half as much as we were. Our meeting with the
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Senator caused more questions than it answered.
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MS: And we were no closer to understanding this issue than we were at
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the beginning.
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DR: We've decided to continue this investigation at another time, when
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more information is available. We certainly do not want
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to unjustly condemn a whole project simply based on a few minor
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transgressions such as those we've seen.
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MS: (whispers) Dan, C'mon. It's time for today's SF-LOVERS digest.
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DR: (whispers) Right, Morley.
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DR: We'll be back in the near future with more on this important issue.
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(Both rush from stage. Dan's lapel microphone rips off and falls to
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the floor, taking a chunk of his lapel with it. Stage is empty.
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Stagehand rushes out, stares incredulously at camera for a moment,
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then starts waving his arms madly. We see a burst of color bars
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accompanied by a steady tone, then...)
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TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK ...
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-------
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