69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
69 lines
3.4 KiB
Standard ML
WHY SANTA SAYS "HO! HO! HO!"
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In ancient China, Master Ho was the supreme artist of the martial arts.
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Over many years he perfected his skill, physically, intellectually, and
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....vocally. Master Ho became so skilled with the use of his voice that
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he developed the ability simply to speak his name in a humorous way and
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his opponent would fall over laughing. Then Ho could do as he wished with
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the enemy. It was the pinnacle of the art.
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The opponent would attack. Ho would step back, without even raising his
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hands, "Ho! Ho!" he'd say. The opponent would fall back, disarmed and
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smiling. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Ho would say. The opponent would bend over,
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convulsed with laughter. Ho would step forward, touch his enemy on the
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neck with a slight pressure, and the man would fall over dead.
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In his many studies Santa learned about Master Ho. Chinese history leaves
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a complete record of Ho's techniques -- Santa decided to try them. His
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purpose, though, wasn't to overwhelm and kill. Instead he hoped simply to
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master the art of making people laugh.
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Santa practiced for many years, gradually gaining more and more skill with
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Ho Karate. He practiced on Mrs. Claus; he practiced on the elves. Finally
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he felt he was ready t try it on an outsider. He crept down a chimney in
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Liverpool, England, and found he was face to face with a befuddled homeowner.
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"What in the world--" the homeowner started.
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"Ho! Ho!" Santa said, and the homeowner smiled. "Ho! Ho! Ho!" and the
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homeowner started to laugh out loud.
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Fake Santa's can say "Ho! Ho! Ho!" with no effect whatsoever. But when
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Santa says it, people laugh! They can't help themselves. They laugh until
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the tears roll out of their eyes. They laugh in guffaws and chuckles and
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giggles. Their eyes squeeze together; their lips turn up; their cheeks
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push up ever-so-slightly; their mouths open wide -- and there it comes!
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** PROPER USAGE OF "HO! HO! HO!" **
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_____________________________________
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"Ho!" alone has little power. It can be effective for getting started,
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however. Once one "Ho!" has been sounded, it's difficult to prevent
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another from rolling across the lips. One "Ho!" is also used to alert the
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listener that the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is about to be sounded.
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"Ho! Ho!" is effective in creating a smile. The sound is so inherently
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mirthful that the listener smiles just in hearing it -- just as the reader
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is now smiling in thinking of that delectable sound of "Ho! Ho!" "Ho! Ho!"
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is rarely used without going to the third step of HOs, though the speaker
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with great self-control CAN limit himself to two HOs.
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"Ho! Ho! Ho!" is the zenith of the art. If said correctly, it gives the
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speaker overwhelming power over the listener. Each AITCH should be
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carefully aspirated; each OH should be spoken clearly, but cut off short.
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OHs that are drawn out lose their punch. Once a single set of "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
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has been pronounced, a second should not be spoken to that listener for
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quite some time, or his body will grow unbearably weak from the release of
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joyous energy.
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"Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!" is overdoing the whole thing, and should be totally
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avoided. Those who sink so low as to speak four HOs in succession have no
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right to the art at all.
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WARNING: Don't try the powerful "Ho! Ho! Ho!" on Santa. You may
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have some innate abilities with the art, and Santa may
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fall down in laughter, making him late for the rest of
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his rounds.
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