79 lines
2.9 KiB
Plaintext
79 lines
2.9 KiB
Plaintext
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A POLITICALLY CORRECT CHRISTMAS
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'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
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How to live in a world that's politically correct?
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His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
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"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
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And labor conditions at the north pole
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Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
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Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
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Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
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And equal employment had made it quite clear
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That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
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So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
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Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
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The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
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The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
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And people had started to call for the cops
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When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
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Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur
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trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
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And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
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Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
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And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
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Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
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So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
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Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
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Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
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Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
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And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
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That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
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Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
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Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
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Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
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Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
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Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
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Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
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Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
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Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
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No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
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Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
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And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
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Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
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For they raised the hackles of those psychological
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Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
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No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
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Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
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Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
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And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
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So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
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He just could not figure out what to do next.
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He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
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But you've got to be careful with that word today.
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His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
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Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
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Something special was needed, a gift that he might
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Give to all without angering the left or the right.
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A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
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Each group of people, every religion;
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Every ethnicity, every hue,
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Everyone, everywhere...even you.
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So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
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"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
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