91 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
91 lines
5.0 KiB
Plaintext
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
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Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
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annual yuletide celebration. And throughout our place of residence,
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kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this
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potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as mus
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musclus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of
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the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
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pleasure regarding an eminent visitation from an eccentric
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philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific
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title of St. Nicholas.
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The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
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respective accommo- dations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
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visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
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rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
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attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous
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advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
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portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance
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that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose
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for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
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Fastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
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sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance
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without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
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precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian
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itself; thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to
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behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight
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diminutive specimens of the genus ragifer. Piloted by a minuscule
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aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly
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apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
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ungulate motive power traveling at what may have been more vertigiuous
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velocity than patriotionalar predators, he vodiferated loudly,
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exuelled breath musically through labial sounds, and addressed each of
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the octet by his or her respected cognomen; Now Dasher, now Dancer, et
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al. Guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode,
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through which structured could readily distinguish the concatenations
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of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
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As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
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performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
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with utmost celerity in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from
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oxidations of carbonifbrous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
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thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to
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the planthora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a
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commodious cloth receptacle.
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His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
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submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of exgaging
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amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions and nasal
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appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous
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layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral
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embelem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His
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amusing sub- and super- alabials resembled nothing so much as a common
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loop knot, and their amdent hirsute facial adornment appeared like
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small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
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Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece whose gray
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fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of
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a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it
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was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal
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region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
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hemisphrical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than
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an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom
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rendered me visible frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so
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being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating
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his head slightly to one side he indicated that trepidation on my part
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was groundless.
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Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
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aforementioned hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of
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merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally
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transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of his task, he
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executed an abrupt aboutface, placed a singular manual digit in
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lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
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forward in a gesture of leave taking, and forthwith effected his
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egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then
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propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a
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musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the
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antlered quadrupeds among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
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But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to
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his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
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ESTATIC YULETIDE TO THE PLANETARY CONSTITUENCY, AND TO THAT
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SELFSAME ASSEMBLAGE, MY SINCEREST WISHES FOR A SALUBRIOUSLY BENEFICIAL
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AND GRATIFYINGLY PLEASURABLE PERIOD BETWEEN SUNSET AND DAWN.
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