60 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
60 lines
2.2 KiB
Plaintext
Date: Fri, 18 Feb 94 3:20:02 EST
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Subject: Anti Valentine's Day Party results
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From: ehoogerb@eo.com (Edwin Hoogerbeets)
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In Canada and the US, St. Valentine's Day is used as a day to celebrate
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love, where lovers get together and be romantic. And of course,
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businesses use it as a chance to sell lots of cheesy cards and other
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merchandise.
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Despite the commercialism, we single people often feel left out, or
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worse, feel inadequate because we have no-one to whom we can send
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Valentine's greetings. Well, I thought that was pretty stupid. Enough
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of that shit.
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Borrowing an idea from friends up north (hi guys), a friend and I
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organized an Anti-Valentine's Day Party only for single people. We told
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people to bring a top 5 list of reasons why it's better to be single than
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to be in a relationship. The reasons were collect and arranged here
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in a Top 10 list for your enjoyment:
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10. You get to go to cool Anti-Valentine's Day parties instead of buying
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cards and flowers.
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9. Toilet seat stays DOWN. (from a woman)
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The toilet seat stays UP. (from a man)
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(Yes, there was a heated debate on both sides about what is the
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proper thing to do. The jury is still out.)
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8. Morning cotton mouth is OKAY -- and the makers of Scope can just
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go FUCK OFF.
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7. I can watch anything I want -- no channel surfing. (from a woman)
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The remote control is mine, mine, MINE! (from a man)
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6. Your grocery bill will go down by 75%. (from a woman)
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(My bill would probably go up by 25% ;)
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5. No more shoe prints on the bed sheets.
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(She wouldn't offer an explanation, but the word "traction" was
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bandied about.)
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4. Rude comments such as "You're looking a little thick in the thighs,
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dear," are mercifully absent from my life!
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3. You never have to lie when saying, "I love you."
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2. You don't have to sleep in the wet spot if you don't want to.
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(One woman upon hearing this said, "If you're single, why would
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there be a... never mind.")
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And the number one reason is:
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1. You know the pubic hair in the peanut butter is yours. (you hope)
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(This woman also refused to explain herself.)
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Edwin Hoogerbeets, with the help of many single friends
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ehoogerb@eo.com
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