160 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
160 lines
8.8 KiB
Plaintext
ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ
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ݱ17 Jul 90±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±_ROR_-_ALUCARD_±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±±Ý? Þ°
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ÝSHROOM11.DOC Ý A Þ°
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Ý Ý ?Þ°
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Ý The Adventures of Harry the Milkman A ßßßßß°
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Ý -and- Tfile Þ°
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Ý Humpidy Earl Jr.'s Malicious Terrorist Mob Distribution Þ°
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ÜÜÜÜÜ Centere Þ°
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Ý? Þ Written by: Doctor Murdock - RoR - Þ°
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Ý A Þ_____________________________________________________________________Þ°
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Ý ?Þ Shawn-Da-Lay Boy Productions, Inc.úúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúúÞ°
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ÝÜÜÜÞÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÞ°
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°°°The HQ of SDBP, inc - 415/236/2371°°The Electric Pub - 415/236/4380°°°°
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°Primary Drop Sites°°°°°°Rat Head - 415/524/3649°°°°°Primary Drop Sites°°°
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0______o
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/\_ _/\
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:(,)\/(,):
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\ :: /
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\""""""/
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''''''
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I left a six /\
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pack here. \/
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: /\_/\
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. <-/ \/-\/
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. . \=======================> Quaff at SkankLord's!
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. . ... ~
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. . _ ..... ~~~~~~~
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. ror . {:} . ~
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............:. . . (zDOVxMYuEuLw~ufOUTrN) <----,
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. \
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OH NO, IT"S
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DAVIDS ZOO!
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I was tossed to the moon one night and I saw the man.........
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.
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...........................................................
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.
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.
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with the oval shaped head, mam. Yes, sir. Out there in the black void
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just hopping around on stars like a milkman running through a field of
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spiders. What? Yes, a milkman. Yes...a milkman running through a field
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of spiders. That's right. But....uh...not just ANY milkman of course!
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This is Harry. The very ~special~ milkman. He delivers special goods.
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In fact this particular milkman, Harry, is in fact the center point of
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the Universe. Universe? Yep, Universe. That's why we call him Harry
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the Milkman, aka: Snarfle Bob Harry the Nucleus of Thee Everlasting
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Cosmos!! Yes, Sir. But that;s not ALL we call him. We call him
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shithead and oakie-bob dunfrey too. So anyway, as I was saying, Harry
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and his wife Buck tooth Hilbilly Whore were out shopping for a new form
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of birth control when {.,msndsnfkn3489r9243jrfnvc34nrwek <line noise>
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sadjh8u4893ryfh398f }!!! Huh? What?
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"You said that Harry was the Center of the Universe. Are you going to
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explain yourself?"
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Uh...oh yeah, I forgot. Ok...so as I was saying....Harry the milkman
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delivers those ~special~ gifts. Bombs, Tarantulas, cyanide milk bottles,
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milk cartons with booby traps that fling darts into the victims throat
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and then run air pumps (two mega-flex miniaturized nuclear reactors
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installed inside each dart powers these air pumps) to siphon all of the
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air out of the victims throats, thereby causing the victim to implode
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into it's own mass. Quite an Unattractive way to go if I might add.
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I've actually seen people survive these implosions. Yes, sir. One
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morning this old man got imploded to all hell. And when they found him
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later that afternoon he was still talking. Chanting the Omnibot 2000 (we
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presume that this man feared for his life and was trying to get a little
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extra brown noising in before he met his makers, the Fossil Pigs. This
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man, in his ensuing life was a piece of damaged fetus that oozed out of a
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pregnant sea prawns genitalia, fell to the oceans floor and soon after
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was disintegrated by the tide current, thereby living a total time
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existence of 2 1/2 minutes. And the existence after that was evening
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more degrading!! They say that after awhile these short term factual
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experiences can lead to a very severe case of schizophrenia. Studies
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show. So anyway, the moral of this short side drift is: Never kiss ass
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to the Fossil Pigs!! They really HATE that! In fact, die with a little
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guts! Try and punch one of them in the nose next time you croak!
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"Ummmmm, as you were saying...."
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Oh yeah! Umm...what WAS I saying?
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"Ahem......the MILKMAN!!!!~
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OH YEAH!!! Well, as I was saying.....Harry delivered ~special~ gifts. And
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one day he was delivering a special maltauv cocktail milk "grenade" bottle to
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Mrs. Twatrot on 32nd St. And her 15 year old son, Humpidy Earl Jr, was up
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early that day to go out and hunt little possum with his dawg Winger the
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Snazzle Hoof. So, of course, Humpidy Earl had his .22 all primed and ready
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to go! 'Ol Harry came walking up to the house with his flaming milk bottle
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crouched in his right hand and ready to be tossed. Little Humpidy Earl soon
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got wise and drew up a barricade. 'Ol Harry tossed the milk bottle into the
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front window. Humpidy quickly got the fire extinguisher and sprayed off all
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furniture that was covered with the fiery milk. Then he quickly grabbed his
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.22, hit the front window and sent a barrage of lead to the Beelzebubic
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Milkman. The wall of lead that hit Harry was so strong that he was thrown
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into the street and feel into the sewer.
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Meanwhile Humpidy acquired quite a case of paranoia and dread towards all
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milkmen. A year after the so called ~Milkman Murder~, Humpidy Earl Jr. was
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admitted to the Youth Psychiatric Facility in Napa State County, Ca, for the
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eledged murder of over 1200 Milkmen. Accused of seeming carefully planning
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out and executing each murder and then printing " LALALA, I STRIKE AGAIN, YOU
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KNOBS!! - HUMPITY" on the mirror in each room the crime was committed. So
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it was only a matter of time. During his stay of over 3 years, Humpidy
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learned the true meaning of Voltage and Crotch Support.
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But Harry didn't really die. Of course you knew that though, right? Harry
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was shot into the gutter and fell into the sewers (this can actually happen.
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Have you ever seen the sewers in Richmond?? A 5 year old child can easily
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crawl right into one and have a field day down there. And Isabeau knows what
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they look like in New York!). He floated down about 3 miles and then drained
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out into the ocean, in the middle of a top secret Government project on
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Pineal Gland Implosion. He ended up deflecting a laser beam that shot a 15
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year old kid named Hippity Bob Jr., who in his fall pulled the trigger of
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his .22 and hit a bird 2 miles up in the air. The bird, in his fall hit the
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windshield of a private jet, cracked the windshield and stuck the pilot in
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his jugular vein, thereby killing him within minutes. The private jet fell
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to earth, and in his fall it landed on a resteraunt called Blueberries, which
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exploded and in turn set of a larger explosion from a nearby Toys-R-Us. The
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Toys-R-Us explosion shot shrapnel into the eye of an Army General who was in
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the middle of an intersection on his way to a top secret government laser
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test. Who in turned rammed his car into a Dominoes Pizza delivery truck, who
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just happend to be carrying a thermo-nuclear device for organization
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H.T.G.A.M. : Humpidy's Terrorist Group Against Milkmen, which in turn
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destroyed the entire area code in a sinuous tower of flaming lava and
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radioactive fire. And thereby creating panic in the White House, who thought
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it was a Soviet attack. Who soon after started arguing with the Cremlin, and
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within 23 1/4 hours the U.S. was positive the Soviets sent the missile and
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fired it's whole arsenal into Russia. The Soviets never fired a shot. But
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the nuclear explosion in the U.S.S.R. sent a violent surge wave into the
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earth, which came up in the center of the U.S., causing earthquakes all over
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the nation in eccess of 18.9 on the ricter scale. Destroying both parties.
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And after the combination of both sides full agglomeration of weapons
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being triggered and the destruction of the Earth, and all but one of the
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human species............Harry sat on a rock and ate the rest of his bologna
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sandwich......................
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So NOW ya know!
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<------ O N W A R D ------>
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Welcome, friend. You have been chosen by Alice to read the
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tomb. Here is the result of many experiments, some gone astray, others have
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created master works of art.
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d. You have been chosen by Alice to read the
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tomb. Here is the result of many experiments, some gone astray, others have
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created master works of art.
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