textfiles/groups/PHONELOSERS/pla008.txt

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³  How To Turn The Work Life Of A Local 7-Eleven Employee Into A Living Hell ³
³                       Written By RedBoxChiliPepper                         ³
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³ Written On September 6, 1994            Last Revision on December 17, 1994 ³
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I've worked in a zillion different convienence type stores and gas stations 
and I KNOW what used to piss me off so this file is fairly accurate. Most of 
the more destructive ideas have been tried by me and friends while working the
graveyard shift at the Han-Dee-Mart as it gets extremely boring there at 
night. Keep in mind that a conveinence store gets pretty busy sometimes and
the cashier can't watch every section of the store all at once so don't worry
about him/her seeing you do most of this stuff. Even if you're caught, the
worst that happens is you get kicked out for the day. (You can go back the 
next day because they've usually hired someone new by then.) Cactus!

Included at the end is a section FOR the conveinence store employees to help 
them cope with working the graveyard shift at a dead-end job. If you have any 
comments, stories or anything else, please contact me at 512-370-4680. I'm
there to listen...Well, actually my voice mail is there to take your message.

         "I have told you a million times not to make shambles
          of my candy isle so I have no other choice but to 
          tell you once again not to make shambles out of my
          candy isle. Have a nice day."
           -A clerk said something similar to Bart Simpson

1. If the condoms are accessable to you, use a needle and poke holes in all 
   of them.
2. Take Ex-Lax and put it in the donuts, cookies, ice cream, coffee machine,
   cashier's soda, etc.
3. Take one bite out of each of the cookies and donuts.
4. Mix all of the items in the condiments bar together to form a big, yucky
   salad. Be sure to spill items all over each other and on the floor.
5. Use a razor blade to make a slit in each one of the cartons of milk. This
   will start a very small drip-leak but when a customer picks up the milk it
   should spill pretty good. This makes a good mess inside AND outside of the
   cooler.
6. Paint the front sidewalk in pychedelic colors.
7. Bring a ton of items up to the counter. After the cashier rings everything
   up and asks for your $34.75, tell him you changed your mind and walk out,
   leaving everything on the counter.
8. Most of the more popular stores have a toll-free customer hotline for 
   customers to call in and complain or make suggestions. Find this number
   (usually written on the outside window) and call it once a day to complain
   about an employee you don't like.
9. Put a full pot of coffee under the coffee spout. Then press the button 
   that starts the coffee maker. This will overflow the pot and create a 
   tremendous mess.
10.Jam the handle on the Slurpee/Slushie/Whatever machine so that the mush
   keeps on flowing after you leave. What the cashier cry when he finds it.
11.Ask for $600 in money orders and twenty lotto tickets. After the cashier
   prints up the money orders and lotto tickets, leave. It's a real bitch to
   void out money orders and lotto.
12.Sit your fountain drink on top of a video game. There's usually some vents
   on top of the game so whoops! Accidentally knock your drink over so the 
   entire 44 ounces of Pepsi spill into these vents. This makes for some 
   pretty neat-o smoking effects as well as sparks and fire. Make sure that
   it's not a cool game that you play often because you won't be playing it
   anymore.
13.Fill up a Super Tanker Gigantic drink cup with Pepsi. Take it all around 
   the store with you spilling it's contents all over the items on the shelves
   as you go along. You can imagine what it'd be like to clean this up.
14.On a really hot day, get on the roof and turn off the air conditioning. If
   possible, make sure that the air conditioners will never work again. Be
   extremely quiet when walking around up there so mister cashier doesn't hear
   you.
15.Telephone the cashier and start asking him questions about robberies like:
   * "Do you have one of those silent alarm buttons you could press if I were
      to rob you?"
   * "Do the police in your neighborhood respond quickly when something bad
      happens in your store?"
   * "How many times has your store been robbed? Was the robber caught?"
   * "Theoreticly speaking, if a professional robber such as myself were to
      come in and rob you, what are the chances of me getting caught?"
   * "Do you carry a loaded gun behind the counter?"
   * "How much money is in your cash drawer right now? That's all? Uhhh, could
      you please not drop anymore in the safe until I get there? I, uh, need 
      to cash a check, yeah, that's it."
   * "Are you afraid of death?"
16.Order a telephone calling card for the store and obtain the pin number. 
   Using the card, make tons of harrassing calls to the store until the card
   goes dead. When they get their bill, they realize that they've been paying
   for their own harrassment.
17.Find out the store manager's name or the store owner's name. From a pay
   phone call your friends in Austraila and third number bill it to the store,
   saying that you're the manager. The cashier will accept the charges when he
   thinks it's the manager. 
18.Order call forwarding for the store. Ask the cashier if you can use the 
   phone and dial 72#-911 or *72-911. When 911 answers, tell them you got the
   wrong number and hang up. Now go out to a pay phone and call the store and
   you'll get 911. Make up some big story about how you're getting robbed and
   they've thrown you in the cooler and taken customers hostage, etc. If 911
   calls back to verify this, they'll get their own office, 911.

Going Where You're Not Supposed To:
----------------------------------
It's hard for a 7-Eleven to make money, especially with people like us in this
world, therefore they are usually understaffed. If there's only one person
working the swing shift (the 4:00pm-Midnight) then you're in for some extra
fun. Make SURE there's only one guy there by calling him and asking. If he's
the only one there and it's busy, he HAS to stay at the register so you're 
free to go anywhere else in the store, including the back room and walk-in
freezer.

18.Go in the walk-in freezer with a friend. Veg out on the beer cases and get
   drunk off your asses. You can usually keep a good eye on the cashier 
   through the window but after a few beers you stop caring about him.
19.Find the back room and look for a few five foot tall cylinder things. These
   are called CO2 tanks which is what gives the fountain sodas their fizz. 
   Locate the one hooked up to a hose and turn it off. Everyone's soda will
   taste pretty damn gross now.
20.Take it one step further by disconnecting all of the soda tanks. It'll take
   the poor cashier an hour to figure out why there's no soda, and another
   hour to hook 'em all back up.
21.If there's not a public restroom then there's definately an employee rest-
   room in the back someplace. Go in there and the employees will sometimes
   keep their personal belongings lying around. Steal it all and then phone
   the cashier, demanding a ransom for his stuff.
22.Look for the employee schedule and time sheet hanging somewhere on the 
   wall. Steal the shedule so you'll know who's working for the rest of the
   week. Flush the time sheet down the toilet so the manager won't know who
   worked when all week.
23.Instead of flushing the time sheet, find an employee on it that you're not
   too fond of and add a few hours here and there on his time card. The
   manager will most likely notice this and either think the employee is 
   trying to cheat for more hours or think that another employee is trying to
   get him in trouble. If the manager DOESN'T notice, that guy's going to 
   have a nice, hefty paycheck next week.
24.Find the manager's office. It's probably locked but most can be opened with
   the credit card method. Once in the manager's office, loot. Have your 
   friend watch the security monitor so you'll know if the cashier's comming,
   while you look for things you want to take. The computer is a nice start.
   If that's too big, how about the modem. You can steal the employee files
   and then freak them out by calling them and reciting information to them.
   Also, security video tapes would be kind of neat to have. In the more 
   modern stores, the cash register is linked with the computer in the office.
   Sometimes the register won't work without the computer being turned on so
   unplug the computer and take the cord home with you. Pretty soon the 
   cashier will be using a pocket calculator and a shoebox to ring up the
   merchandise.
25.The main phone wires are usually somewhere in the back room. You can slow
   the cashier down quite a bit by disconnecting them all. Don't just unhook
   them, though. Cut all of them down that you can find and take them with you
   so there's little chance of them being fixed anytime soon. What does this
   accomplish? Well, the Lotto machine will stop working soon after losing it's
   phone line. No more checks, credit cards, ATM cards, gas cards because the
   credit validation machines can't call in to get approval. Believe me, I
   know that this is frustrating. Worse thing is, when he starts having all of
   these problems, he can't call anyone for help because his phone doesn't 
   work anymore. To make it even more pathetic, put the outside pay phones out
   of commission so he doesn't have a chance.
26.The back rooms are filled with stock that won't fit out on the sales floor.
   Since there usually aren't any cameras in the back room, this is your 
   chance for fearless shoplifting! Bring a large bag...
27.The gas pump controls should be lurking about somewhere. Take a look at all
   the buttons and figure out for yourself which ones would be most disaterous
   to shut off. There's usually serveral shut off switches so shut them ALL 
   off. The cashier will spend a great deal of his life staring at the banks 
   of switches trying to figure out how to turn them back on.
28.Find the circuit breaker boxes. They'll always be unlocked. Find the main
   switches on all of them and shut them all off at once, cutting the power to
   the whole store. Since it's dark, you'll be able to slip back out onto the
   sales floor without being spotted. The cashier will probably assume it's a
   normal power outage. This is a perfect time for shoplifting.

Gas Stations:
------------
29.If it's a self-service station, the cashier hears an annoying BEEP BEEP 
   BEEP BEEP... when you lift the gas nozzle and push the lever up. The 
   cashier is supposed to look outside, take note of the car and the driver,
   then hit the Validate button so you can get your gas. Walk up to a pump,
   out of the cashier's view, hide behind the pump and push the lever up. The
   cashier will go nuts trying to figure out why the console's beeping if 
   there's no car out there. Go from pump to pump doing this until the cashier
   comes out to threaten you.
30.Okay, this is a good one I've always wanted to try. Go to one of those
   personalized license plate booths in the mall. You know, the one's where
   you make a plate ILUVYOU for your girlfriend to hang in her room. Find out
   what the cashier's license plate number is or, failing that, find out what
   his mother's license plate number is. Attach this plate to the front of 
   your car and pull in to get some gas. Make sure the cashier can see your
   license plate very clearly. Fill up your tank with Super Unleaded. Make 
   sure the cashier is watching, get in your car and slowly back out of the
   parking lot, giving the cashier's reflexes time to kick in so he can find a
   pen and write down your license plate number. Have a friend hang around the
   store to watch the fun next. See, if the cashier doesn't get a plate number,
   then he's in a lot of trouble. When someone gets gas and doesn't pay for 
   it, the cashier has to call the police and fill out a report and everything
   so he doesn't get a disciplinary write up. The cop will want to know the
   make of car, the plate number and a description of who was driving. (A good
   idea is to wear a cap and glasses, not that a cop is any real threat.) When
   the cop runs the plate number through he's going to come up with the 
   cashier's name (or his mom's) and we're all in for a lot of confusion and
   fun. I have no idea what the outcome would be.
31.At full service station, pull up to the pump and make sure your gas tank is
   on the opposite side as the gas pump so the gas attendant has to manage to
   get the hose on the other side. If he says you have to turn your car around
   say, "Aw, it'll reach, I promise."
32.Also at full service, if you're needing unleaded gasoline, pull up so your
   gas tank is about four feet past the unleaded pump. Tell the gas attendant
   you want five bucks unleaded and go inside. This is a pain in the hiney for
   the gas attendant because he's so far away from the pump that he can't see
   when he's up to five bucks. Usually they end up pumping a little, running
   over to the pump to see how much left to go, running back and pumping a
   little more, running back to check again, etc, etc...Piss him off more by
   saying, "Hurry it up a little, willya?"
33.Most every gas pump I've seen can be locked with a normal padlock. Go in
   the store and shoplift as many Master padlocks as you need. Bring them out-
   side and lock up each one of the pumps. Since the average gas station 
   doesn't have a pair of bolt cutters on the premises, nobody will be getting
   gas for the rest of the night.
34.Gas stations have to take daily gas readings by sticking a really long pole
   into the the ground where the big underground tanks are located. You can
   find these poles somewhere around the outside of the building or by the 
   dumpster and there's usually several of them. Take them all and the station
   won't be able to take the daily readings anymore.
35.Get in your car and drive a few blocks from the store. Floor it towards the
   store and try to get up to 90 M.P.H. by the time you hit the parking lot.
   Smash directly into a gas pump, blowing up the pump, the car and killing
   yourself. Try to enter the parking lot at the right angle so after you
   smash through the pump you'll crash through the store's front window and
   into the cashier, killing him too.
36.Pick up the gas pump nozzle, squeeze it and hold a match in front of it to
   create a flame thrower. Burn all of the nearby customers to a crisp and try
   to set the store on fire before the cashier hits the Emergency ShutOff 
   switch.

Surviving Graveyard Shift:
-------------------------
This last section is for the 7-Eleven employees. As anyone who's worked it 
knows, graveyards are the most boring eight hours of your day. At about a 
customer an hour, there's not a whole hell of a lot to do. Your manager has 
probably provided you with a checklist of work to do but it's usually not 
very much fun to do work.

36.First order of business. Try to think of the most creative way to destroy
   your manager's checklist. Make it a point not to do ANYthing on the list.
   If you do, you'll get no praise for it. If you don't, you'll be doing just
   exactly what's expected of you. Nothing. If you lose your job, oh well.
37.Bring a radio, even if they're not permitted. No human being should be
   expected to sit in total silence for eight hours. Sure, that's what your
   checklist is for but remember, you destroyed that. I'm sure your manager
   will understand.
38.Open the Clearly Canadian bottles and drop Alkaselters (sp?) into them. If
   you drop enough in you can make a pretty good mess. If you're worried about
   the mess, do it outside.
39.Sit on a gas pump and light fireworks, occasionally dropping one on the
   ground by the pump, making everyone nearby nervous and jumpy.
40.Be extremely rude to everyone that comes in to shop, especially the cops
   who come in to buy the entire stock of Hostess donuts and think that just
   because they're cops, they get free coffee. If you really hate doing any 
   work at all, this will help. When you're rude people go out of their way to
   keep from shopping at your store.
41.Make prank phone calls to the other store across the street.
42.Sweep the parking lot. Do a real good job and when you get to the edge of
   the parking lot, keep going and going until you've swept the entire block.
   Then sweep the streets in the area and the parking lot across the street.




DISCLAIMER: RedBoxChiliPepper takes all responsibility for your actions.
            If anyone gets pissed off at you, anyone dies or anything is
            damaged, just show them this file and the note below:


  To whom it may concern:
  The information presented in this text has brainwashed ____________.  
  Please refrain from doing anything to him as RedBoxChiliPepper takes 
  absolutely all responsiblity for their action(s). Contact him if any
  problems arise. (512)-370-4680