174 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
174 lines
8.1 KiB
Plaintext
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": The First Orbicle Church of Rock 'n Roll ":
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": ":
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": Information compiled by: The Cruiser ":
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":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":":
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": Call The Works <914>/238-8195 Over 900 text files ":
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";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";";
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This file briefly describes the Orbicle Church of Rock 'n Roll. This is,
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you guessed it, the first religion based on rock 'n roll. It is a real
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religion, and its main missionary work is to promote rock 'n roll. It is based
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in Cleveland, Ohio (very appropriate, the rock 'n roll capital of the world).
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One of the most important aspects of this religion is that its members
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are incouraged to believe in anything they want. The only restriction is that
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your belief should not cause you to break the Golden Rule.
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The Golden Rule
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~~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~
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The Golden Rule is "Do onto others as that you would have them do onto
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you". This religion is into personal freedom, as long as you don't hurt
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anyone. Have a good time, support rock 'n roll, get into it, become
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radioactive, and don't hurt anyone. That is the basic guideline.
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The Orb
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~~~ ~~~
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The Omnipotent Orb is the high power and the Watcher of the Faith.
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The Church's founder and Extreme High Oracle, Jack Cavanaw, recieves messages
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from him. He first recieved them in the early 1970's, but it was so broken
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up he couldn't understand it. These broadcasts come in from everywhere, but
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mainly from over the radio. The only one who can hear and interpret these
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messages is the Extreme High Oracle. The Orb is an omniloving Orb, he holds
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no grudges, and has nothing against anyone. He is a partying Orb, and he
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want peace, love, and rock 'n roll. This does not mean he is a god as in the
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sense of a person, but he is a state of being (in other words, us members
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don't actually bow down to idols). The Orb does not serve as a god, but only
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as a state of mind. Almost all members of the Church have another religion,
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be it Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or whatever. The Orb is a feeling you
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get listening to music. This feeling, when interpreted by the Extreme High
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Oracle, are the messages I talked about above. When anyone else gets this
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feeling, they can not interpret the messages, but they get 'radioactive'.
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Radioactivity is a state of mind & body, when one is literally 'high' on rock
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music. Try this experiment out. Late at night (most preferrably), put on
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your best pair of stereo headphones (digital if you have them), and plug it
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into your stereo system. Get a song by your favorite rock group, and put it up
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as loud as it will go without sounding distorted. Now just close your eyes and
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become one with the music. Let your body become part of it, and let the music
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soothe you. Great, isn't it? That is what becoming radioactive is all about.
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The Orb is kind of a ready kilowatt-looking guy.. on a winged guitar.
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The Vestments
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~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
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When you join the Church, you also get an official t-shirt with all the
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rules, commandments, and a brief explanation of the church on it. This is a
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very popular item that is seen a lot at rock concerts.
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The shirst are of fine quality, being purple, and 5 color screen print.
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On the front is a picture of a planet with musical notes and bands of music
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going around it (It looks like Saturn). Right in the middle of the shirt is
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Cleveland, Ohio with a star, since Cleveland is the official birthplace of
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rock 'n roll. Underneath the globe, it says, "The First Orbicle Church of
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Rock 'n Roll". On the back, it tells you everything about the Church, including the 11 commandments. This is what it says:
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R O C K ' N R O L L I S M
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This religion was founded in Cleveland, Ohio, in the early 1980's. Its
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founder, Jack Cavanaw, claims he recieves messages from the omnipotent Orb.
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Jack maintains that most of the transmissions come broken up, due to the great
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distances involved with talking to the Orb. Below is an outline of Rock
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'n Rollism, which preaches the gospel according to John, Paul, George, and
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Ringo.
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1]To enter the kingdom of Orb, you must become radioactive.
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2]The Orb grades on a curve.
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3]Members are referred to as Rockies.
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4]Evolution works, but it takes time.
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5]We are not here for a long time, just a good time.
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6]Let your mouth say what your heart feels.
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7]Much of Man's problems would dissapear if everyone gave as much love as they
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should.
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8]Life is not just a plague, it is a farce.
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9]May the Farce be with you.
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9]Everybody hears, but few listen.
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10]No balls, no glory.
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11]Rock 'n Roll will always, always, always overcome, eventually.
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List of Sins
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1]You shall not take the name of Orb in vein.
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2]No sniveling is allowed
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3]Not getting enough sex
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4]Listening to muzak
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5]Surrendering precious bodily fluids
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6]And all violations of the Golden Rule.
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Wow... all that on the back of a t-shirt...
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For a meager donation of $10, you get this high quality t-shirt, plus garanteed
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salvation. How's that for a deal?
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And also, this membership is lifetime. There are no monthly dues or anything
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This isn't a small time operation, and it certainly isn't a joke. There are
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about 2,000 members. You can find them mainly at rock concerts and local
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bars.
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There is a serious side to the Church, too. They have Snods(gatherings)
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[Which, by the way, you are not required to go to, you are sent a newsletter
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in the mail every couple of months with transcriptions of them] in which
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they plan various food drives for the needy.
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Also, a word about radioactivity. The Orb communicates on a superliminal
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level. Everyone's heard about subliminal messages, which are transmissions
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below the threshold of consiousness, whereas superliminalare above the
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threshold of consiousness. Subliminal are hidden, but superliminal are so
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up front you miss it. A real Orbicle concept here...
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As stated before, there are orbicle messages in most rock. But there is
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something to watch out for, namely, antiorbical messages. These are messages
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that are in some music. (ex. - Suicide Solution, by Ozzy Osborne, which made
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a kid kill himself with a subliminal message) This kind of music should be
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watched out for.
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Members of the Church are called Rockies. The capital, Cleveland, is
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called Rock City. It is the mecca of rock 'n roll. all members have to make
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a pilgrimage to Cleveland at one point in their life.
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By the way - Cleveland is known as Rock City by Church members.
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How to Join
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~~~ ~~ ~~~~
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In the Cleveland area, go to:
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The Daystar Boutique
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17102 Detroit Avenue
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Lakewood , Oh
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The Daystar Boutique ][
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157th & Lorain
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Cleveland, Oh
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If you're not in the Cleveland area, or you just don't want to venture into
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those neighborhoods, send your $10 + $2 postage and handling to:
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The First Orbicle Church of Rock 'N Roll
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P.O. Box 11208
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Cleveland, Ohio
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44111
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And another note, in case you'd like to know, the Church was founded April 1,
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1983. It was a private organization and at its peak had only 100 members,
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until it went public on its second birthday, April 1, 1985. As of November,
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1986, the Church has over 2,000 members.
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Well, I hope you enjoyed this file and I hope that we get some members this
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way. I guess I'll leave it at that, before you decide to erase this file.
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--The Cruiser
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12/7/86
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"Do you want me to kick you?" said Ford.
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"Would it give you a lot of pleasure?" said Zaphod, blearily.
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"No."
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"Nor me. So what's the point? Stop bugging me."
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--The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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