262 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
262 lines
9.1 KiB
Plaintext
Well here I am again, and with a side- kick, The Metallian, one of the very
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few cool people around. We are writing this file with a new technique...
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called telewriting. Telewriting is when two people write a text file at the
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same time, over the modem. This technique will be explained later in a text
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file called <Telewriting>.
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Ok enough with the bullshit, lets get down to business. Since the new year,
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there has been an influx of Assholes coming onto the tele-computing scene.
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Where do they all come from? We will explore this right now...
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<In>
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What Assholes Do ][
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Where do they come from is a very very good question. From my experience
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they appearently came from Christmas, kids who got modems for a present. These
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kids (sometimes over 20 years old) do not know anything about what they just
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received, and immediately call compuserve with their free pass- word that came
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with the modem. Once on Compuserve, they go to help 75 times to find out what
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they are doing. After getting tired of calling compu- serve for 17 days
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straight, they come accross a BBS number. Which is usually a board like The
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Northwest Connection or one that is NetMaster and sucks, but still has a list
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of BBS's which unfortunatly for us, has one or two cool BBS's on it.
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Then the Asshole calls "The Gates of Hell", which is the only cool local BBS
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in your area, then the ass gets validated because the SYSOP has no idea who
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this kid is, so he gives him a chance on the system. Now the ass is trying to
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make friends in the local community, so he posts a message to try to get some
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friends. Maybe such as this one: Date: March 7, 1984 Time: 8:40 p.m. Name:
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The Masked Masher Subject: <<Hey Dudezzz!!!>>
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-+_+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
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Hey fellow computer nuts! This is the
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<M-asked <M-asher (You can call me
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<M&M> if you want (he he he) I am reel
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knew at useing my Networker Modem with
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reel K-K00L software. I luv it, I get
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to meet real neato people over the
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modem, like on Compuserve. Have any
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of u people called Compuserve, it is
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reel neato. If you want, you can
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borrow my password for a day, as long
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as you dont stay on 2 long. I heard
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about this reel cool modem program that
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someone told me, I think he called it
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A.E. isn't that a game? I think he
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was lieing! Does anyone have a modem
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program called that? I wood reely
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apriciate it if sumone could give it
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2 me so i could trade reel K00L wares
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reel quick over my fone. I am interest-
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ed in trading, I have a couple of neeto
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games that my dad got me for Christmas,
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Apple Panic, Orbitron, Taxman(I think
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that Taxman is like pacman), and I also
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got Chronicles of Narnia, my favorite.
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Also if any 1 lost their system master,
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i could give them a spare copy. Thanx
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Guys! Leave me lots of mail.
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THE
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/\/\ /-\ S K E D
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/\/\ /-\ S H E R!!!!
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CALL ME AT 201-238-9357 TO CHAT!!!!
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/ew
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.save my message
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/help sysop!
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/finished
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/done
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/end
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---------------------------------------
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This kid is nothing else but an Asshole. Now he has infultrated your
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territory, you must take action, get rid of all Assholes in the area! If a
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message you have written resembles this then there is help that can be given.
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As we will discribe later.
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<How to take action against the Asshole>
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Ok, a real ass has come into your territory, and you will not stand it! You
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must get rid of him before he gets others like him all over the board and make
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it "Asshole Alley".
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First: Take moderate action, leave him a note in e-mail telling him that he
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is an ass. If this doesnt work then....
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Second: Make a public attack, on any board, public is the best. Here is an
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example: Time: 3:09 a.m. Name: The Angel of Destiny Subject: Masked Masher
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is a Asshole!
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The Masked Masher is a LOSER, he has entered our ironclad world and he
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attempts to be cool, well, as you can see by his message, it is obvious, let's
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trash the dick, blow him to bits, make him want to take his shitty Networker
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modem and blow him to Heis not good enough for this board, so Mr. Masher, if
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you call back, or post another message, bad things will happen to you and
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members of your family.
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A friendly warning.
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From:
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The Angel of Destiny.
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Metal Communications Inc.
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Later dudes.
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---------------------------------------
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This simple warning usually doesnt work, then the fun starts. Below is a
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list of some fun things you can do to your local asshole.
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1. Put his name on a Black-List so as he will never get onto any other
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boards that are any good again.
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2. Put his home fone line on auto-dial for 3 or 4 days.
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3. Break into your local bank's computer and take all their money out of
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their savings.
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4. Call up his parents and say that you are any particular corperation and
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have reason to believe that he has been using his modem illegally to obtain
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information.
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5. Get someone to Credit Card fifteen plane tickets to Theran, Iran on a
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airline like IranAir.
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6. Break into his house and spray paint the Dining Room walls black and
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nicely arrange decaying animals that you have found on the table.
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7. If this all fails, kill his dog.
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8. If the dog bites you, sue them for all they are worth (about $1.95).
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9. If all this fails, burn his house down.
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---------------------------------------
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Ok, well, next, we will discuss how you can avoid all of this, we will point
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out some of the things, frankly, what assholes do, this way you can avoid this
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great discomfort.
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<><><><More of what assholes do><><><>
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Assholes Do not know what phreaking is or asks anyone whether they are or
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not.
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Assholes use Data Capture 4.0 when calling an AE.
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Assholes think that CP/M mean Afternoon in Central standard time.
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Assholes do not notch there disks because they are afraid they will notch
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into the disk.
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Assholes have Anti-Static mats under their chairs so they wont blow out their
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computer with a static surge.
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Assholes try to use Zoom Graphics or Print Shop on a Daisy Wheel Printer.
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Assholes wear pens and pencils behind their ears.
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Assholes wear the converse high tops that are 15 diffrent colors.
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Assholes do not know the word "Levis".
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Assholes leave hundreds of bitch messages on a AE if the sysop doesan't have
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the ware he wants, even if it is older than what is up.
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Assholes also spend three hours leaving posts bitching at the sysop, when the
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sysop can boot Copy 2+ and delete them in a second.
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Assholes spend almost all their time either at the computer or the library.
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Assholes read books.
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Assholes think that the guy who cracked Beagle Bag must be a genious.
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Assholes are listening to Culture Club or Michael Jackson while they ar
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reading this file, or even touching the computer.
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Assholes have speakerphones.
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Assholes hang up when the sysop wants to go voice because there voice is
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still real high.
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Assholes like to go to church.
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Assholes are Mormans.
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Assholes help their Moms food shop because they want to.
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Assholes write files that have to do with 100 ways to eat grapefruit, and
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like it.
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Assholes's moms make their lunch for them, and drive them to school when it
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is only 4 blocks away.
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Asshole's parents voted for Ronald Reagan, and still believe what he says.
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Assholes think that Club Tropicana is a cool group to be in.
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Assholes get anything they want from their parents when they ask for it.
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Assholes Don't know what carding is.
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Assholes live in trailer parks.
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Assholes stay at the dinner table after they are done eating because they
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like talking to their parents about school.
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Assholes call single drive AE/BBS's.
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Assholes should have never been born to begin with.
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---------------------------------------
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Because of the great deal of assholes in the world, we could be here for
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days, so we will let your mind think, if you do not know how, then you are an
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asshole, think about the above and try to find ways to stop being an asshole.
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Deleting this file would be a sure sign of assholeism.
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Look for Assholes /// coming to an AE or BBS or WHATEVER near you. And call
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these Genocidal Boards:
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---------------------------------------
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The Metal Catsend - 201-879-6668
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Catsend only-No Assholes-All the latest
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Metaland - 503-538-0761
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BBS-AE-10 megs-Sysop>The Metallian
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The Armoury - 201-267-1207
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10 meg BBS/AE - One of the best around
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Ms. Reality's AE - 818-706-2054
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The Master of Reality-SYSOP
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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Written on Saturday, Febuary 9, from
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11 p.m. to 4 a.m. EST-by Telewriting.
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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A Neon Knight
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and
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A Metal Communications
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release.
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\The Blade\The Metallian\2-9-85\METAL!\
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/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
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Taken from:
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The Restaurant at the End
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of the Universe
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(609)-921-1994 24 Hours a Day!
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\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open
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