161 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
161 lines
8.2 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
_
|
|
| \
|
|
| \
|
|
| | \
|
|
__ | |\ \ __
|
|
_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
|
|
| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
|
|
| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
|
|
| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
|
|
| | | | / / | |
|
|
| | | |/ / | |
|
|
| | | | / | |
|
|
| | | / | |
|
|
| | |_/ | |
|
|
| | | |
|
|
| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
|
|
| |________________________________________________________________| |
|
|
|____________________________________________________________________|
|
|
|
|
...presents... High School Reunion:
|
|
The Nardcore Adventures of Reid Fleming
|
|
|
|
by Reid Fleming
|
|
2/15/1998-#349
|
|
|
|
__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
|
|
\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
|
|
___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
|
|
|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It just so happens that when I got home last night from the reunion I
|
|
took notes. So here goes.
|
|
|
|
It's true that as Reid Fleming, World's Toughest Milkman and cDc
|
|
plenipotentiary, I have fame, fortune and in the snap of my fingers, I can
|
|
have fly-girlies on my jock in any major metropolis. But this story doesn't
|
|
take place in a major metropolis. It takes place in Ventura (Oxnard's fairer
|
|
sister), after all, and there, I am merely reid fleming, my lowercase self,
|
|
a graduate returning after some years.
|
|
|
|
I had expected a big, well air-conditioned place, and the overall
|
|
atmosphere to be refined. We would sit back, quietly reminisce, and
|
|
raise toasts to missing and departed friends. I guess I'm saying I
|
|
expected it to be somewhat contemplative. It wasn't.
|
|
|
|
When we checked in, the lady at the table tagged us with a huge,
|
|
blood-red handstamp that said "Party!", which pretty much set the mood.
|
|
|
|
For most everybody, the reunion was a chance to get drunk and dance. I
|
|
did neither. In fact, I barely even took two bites of dinner. At the
|
|
time, I supposed that my anxiety had eliminated my appetite, but it turns
|
|
out I was coming down with a cold.
|
|
|
|
Most people were working hard at getting drunk. Getting drunk is usually
|
|
not one of my objectives, and especially not that night. And I'm SO GLAD
|
|
I didn't bring any drugs. I'd considered bringing some ecstacy with me
|
|
and greeting everyone while looped. That would have been bad. Things
|
|
were weird enough sober, plus I would've come on to most of the women at
|
|
the party. It would've been a bad thing.
|
|
|
|
Almost all the guys wore ties. I didn't. Many wore blazers as well. I
|
|
didn't. But I was sweating anyway, and a tie would've killed me. So I
|
|
didn't feel underdressed.
|
|
|
|
Mike Hunt came up and talked to me. He was drunk and looking for
|
|
anybody who would recognize him. He spent a year in Chino for an
|
|
undisclosed felony. Now he works for Unocal or something. Mike was
|
|
the only guy to ask me if I was gay or bi or what. He saw my tongue
|
|
piercing, learned that I lived in SF, and put two and two together. I
|
|
think other people probably drew the same conclusion, but were too
|
|
gutless or polite to come right out and ask me.
|
|
|
|
Right after dinner came the awards show, which bordered on demeaning. I
|
|
wouldn't want to win a "Least Changed" certificate, for instance.
|
|
|
|
About half of my friends from high school were there. That means roughly
|
|
7 or 8 people that I actually wanted to talk to.
|
|
|
|
I was surprised at how many of my friends were especially happy to see
|
|
me. It was gratifying and strange at the same time. I somehow forgot
|
|
that in high school I'd earned a reputation for having a bizarre sense of
|
|
humor. I'm the same way now, except that my friends have the same taste
|
|
in jokes. So my current friends and I are all on the same wavelength.
|
|
|
|
It's been a while since I mixed with normal people. Seemed like all of my
|
|
current friends are atheists. I heard lots of people talking about their
|
|
church, or bible camp, or various ministries. A woman at our table
|
|
volunteered to say grace before dinner. It's been a long time.
|
|
|
|
Nobody had extracurricular piercings, apparently. Surprising. I'd
|
|
always imagined Ventura to be full of trendy people, and piercings are
|
|
trendy. But seeing everyone here made me realize how much closer Ventura
|
|
is to Omaha than to San Francisco.
|
|
|
|
Practically all the hot girls I knew in school are married. And my high
|
|
school sweetheart is now gay.
|
|
|
|
A photographer took a picture of me and Gabrielle. I'm sure they'll use it,
|
|
because I showed my tongue piercing. We would've won "Most Changed", if
|
|
there had been one. Me with bleached hair, goatee, and tongue piercing.
|
|
Gabrielle as butch dyke.
|
|
|
|
Before the reunion, the only thing I was really dreading was having to
|
|
meet my ex-girlfriend's husband. But as soon as I saw Gabrielle with her
|
|
VERY short hair, slacks, and long sleeve dress shirt buttoned all the
|
|
way up, I knew he wouldn't be there.
|
|
|
|
Gabrielle is working on a computer animation sequence for some wannabe
|
|
digital effects house. What's funny is she's in my domain now. She's at
|
|
chapter 4 in the _Renderman Companion_, which I've already read. She
|
|
described her graduate thesis to me, and I knew enough to ask if she
|
|
plans on using a spline-based or polygon-based modeler. This never
|
|
happens between us. I'm always at a disadvantage, but not tonight. It
|
|
made her seem even less like my ex-girlfriend.
|
|
|
|
An overgeneralization that got repeated often was that everyone lives in
|
|
a) Ventura, b) San Diego, or c) San Francisco. This neglects the 8 or 10
|
|
attendees from out of state, and other people who didn't show up. And
|
|
quite a few people live in Los Angeles, as you'd expect.
|
|
|
|
Yvette Aardman lives in SF. Before I took off, she asked for my business
|
|
card and told me that we should hang out. Then she talked about how when
|
|
Mark Evans came to town, she took him out to the best bars in town and
|
|
fucked him. But he never called her afterwards. Then she reiterated
|
|
that we should hang out. Yvette's not half bad looking.
|
|
|
|
I drove Stephanie Boyce home, which is good, because I like Stephanie and have
|
|
always enjoyed hanging out with her. And it's also good because maybe
|
|
people will get the impression we went someplace for a tryst. I want to
|
|
keep people guessing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
-- Reid Fleming
|
|
|
|
|
|
[ Editor's Note: All names have been changed to protect the innocent, the layme
|
|
and the slootish. ]
|
|
|
|
|
|
.-. _ _ .-.
|
|
/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
|
|
/.ooM \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ /.ooM \
|
|
-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
|
|
/lucky 13\ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ /lucky 13\
|
|
\ / `-' (U) `-' \ /
|
|
`-' the original e-zine `-' _
|
|
Oooo eastside westside / ) __
|
|
/)(\ ( \ WORLDWIDE / ( / \
|
|
\__/ ) / Copyright (c) 1998 cDc communications and the author. \ ) \)(/
|
|
(_/ CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a registered trademark of oooO
|
|
cDc communications, PO Box 53011, Lubbock, TX, 79453, USA. _
|
|
oooO All rights reserved. Edited by Grandmaster Ratte'. __ ( \
|
|
/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
|
|
\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
|
|
\_) xXx BOW to the COW xXx Oooo
|
|
|
|
|
|
|