166 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
166 lines
8.4 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... How to be an Anarchist at 7-11
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by Snarfblat
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__//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__
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Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ cDc paramedia: text #334-08/01/1997 \////// Est. 1984
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__ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __
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|__heal_the_sick__raise_the_dead__cleanse_the_lepers__cast_out_demons__|
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This article describes how to FUCK SHIT UP at 7-11. If this kind of
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thing bothers you, stop reading now. If you are a PIG, stop reading now and
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go kill yourself. You'll never catch us and even if you do, we're protected
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by the First Amendment and a CULT ready-to-die army the size of Cleveland.
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You'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes and there's not
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a GODDAMN thing you can do about it.
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What Food to Buy
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----------------
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Any idiot can go into 7-11 and walk out with cigars, aspirin and the
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latest issue of Bop. This is not the purpose of 7-11. Aside from the obvious
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things (Slurpees) you must look for specials.
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Case History: Momints
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Mo' mints, y0! On one of our journeys to 7-11, we found a rack of "out
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of season" Valentine's Day candy that had gone stale. We purchased a box of
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"Momints" for 15 cents and ate them. They were evil. They probably weren't
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any better even when they were fresh, so we did what any Child of DemonSeed
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ELITE would do. We spat them out. This led to a Momints barf-fest in which
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we ate and regurgitated large quantities of these little wonders. The
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chocolate coating provided a cool nasty brown color, and the unnameable gooey
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interior gave a pleasant stringy consistency to our chocospewage. However,
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the fun was not to last. The next time we went to 7-11, the Guy That Hates Us
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said that Momints were not part of the post-Valentines special. Our time of
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joy with Momints had merely been the result of the blurry vision of the
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Mentally Incapacitated Generation X Guy who had mischarged us. Forever after,
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Momints were $1.79 a box, but for one night they had helped us stain the
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street brown with our hate.
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Also, look for free things. Free things are anything you can fit in your
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pocket or bag, or eat in the store.
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The Slurpee Method
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------------------
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Pioneered by Random Tox, The Slurpee Method enables one to get the most
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out of one's Slurpee experience. Worst of all, it is perfectly legal. We
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include it because it _would_ be illegal if anyone knew we were doing it.
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First, fill your cup to the rim with whichever flavor(s) you want. Put
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the dome-shaped lid on, and fill it to the top. This is the point at which
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most people would take their masterpiece to the cretin at the cash register.
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These people are not ELITE. You are. So, take a straw and stir your
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Slurpee with it. You will eventually notice that a cylindrical hole is
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appearing in the middle of the Slurpee. What do you think you should do?
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a) Waste your money on Air Slurpee.
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b) "Cool, now I have something to fuck since I'm too lame to get a woman."
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c) Put more Slurpee in that cup, you damn country boy!
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You can core out the center of your Slurpee several times before it stops
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working. Lots of free Slurpee can be obtained in this manner.
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Another way to get lots of free Slurpee is to just drink it in the store.
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Works especially well if you are big and scary-looking.
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Trashing at 7-11
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If you trash at a 7-11 in a fairly wealthy neighborhood, you will
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inevitably find credit card numbers. We have found upwards of 50 numbers in a
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single trash bag. Sometimes the *actual* *card* can be found as well.
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When you trash at 7-11, you must dress like a homeless person. Most
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7-11's have at least three cameras and one laser pointing at the dumpster.
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You don't want to make them suspicious.
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Another cool thing you may find are milk crates. These are not actually
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trash, and taking them is STEALING. Make sure you paint them a different
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color after you steal them and sand off the serial numbers so the PIGS don't
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catch you if they raid your house without a search warrant.
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Tricking Blind People
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---------------------
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We could easily devote hundreds of k of text to tricking blind people, so
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I'm just going to touch on a few things. First, let me get this out of the
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way: If the cashier is blind, and you need to read this file to get ideas,
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you're pretty sad.
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Here's one way to trick blind people: There is usually a large thing of
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York Peppermint Patties at the checkout counter, for five cents each. Buy
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them. Buy them all. You could go to a supermarket and buy a bag of them, or
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go to BJ's or Costco and buy them bulk, but that wouldn't be "Making a Mess at
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7-11." Now eat them and save the wrappers. Or throw them away and save the
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wrappers. The point is, save the wrappers. Then fold the wrappers back
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together. This is the tricky part. You are not trying to make it look like
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there is a York Peppermint Patty in there: you are trying to make it look
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like there is a CONDOM in there. Go sell these round, condom-shaped packages
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to blind people, for a dollar each.
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Another idea is to dress up like a blind person and buy stuff. When they
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try to rip you off, (even the most honest person can't resist stealing from
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blind people), take off your disguise and sue them. You will get lots of
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money. The downside to this is that 7-11 might raise their prices, but who
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cares... now you're rich.
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Glass Sports
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------------
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There is a fairly common practice in England of someone stealing a car
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and crashing it through the front of a closed store and then everyone loots
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the place. This would work especially well at 7-11, because it is never
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closed. This gives you the opportunity to kill the asshole working there.
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Who will come to save him? Nobody.
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Well, these are just a few ideas. Remember that the tried and true
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anarchy methods are fully applicable to 7-11: Home-made firearms,
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pyrotechnics, and pipe bombs (note: if you are from Canada you should not
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attempt to build a pipe bomb because you are stupid and will get hurt).
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Good luck, and have a nice day.
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/.ooM \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ /.ooM \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/lucky 13\ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ /lucky 13\
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\ / `-' (U) `-' \ /
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`-' the original e-zine `-' _
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Oooo eastside westside / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ WORLDWIDE / ( / \
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\__/ ) / Copyright (c) 1997 cDc communications and the author. \ ) \)(/
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(_/ CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a registered trademark of oooO
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cDc communications, PO Box 53011, Lubbock, TX, 79453, USA. _
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oooO All rights reserved. Edited by Grandmaster Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) xXx BOW to the COW xXx Oooo
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