101 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
101 lines
5.7 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Happyland Cell Block 90210
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by G. Allen Perry
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01/01/1997-#330
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__//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__
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Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ xXx BOW to the COW xXx \////// Est. 1984
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__ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __
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|__heal_the_sick__raise_the_dead__cleanse_the_lepers__cast_out_demons__|
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One of the other inmates tried to escape today. I found his method less
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than inspiring. Many have tried to escape since my original capture, but
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only one has succeeded. It was not much of an escape, though. A young
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Chinese man admitted to a murder he committed and gave details that only the
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killer would know, so that he would be turned over to the police and
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extradited back to California. He apparently found prison superior to his
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confinement in this facility. The inmate who tried to escape today was far
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less clever.
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He jumped over the back of the bench he had been sitting on and ran out
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the back door. He did this during one of the spasmodic arm-jerking sessions
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which inevitably lead to the singing of stupid children's songs so common
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here. Immediately after his exit, seventy-five percent of the room quickly
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followed him out the back door. I first thought it was a mass escape, but
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quickly came to my senses when I found myself once again lying on my back on
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the floor, staring up at the six large inmates holding me down spread-eagle.
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As the small glimmer of hope slowly left my mind, my body went limp and
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I was taken back to my seat on the bench, where I was encouraged to sing more
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songs and "smile Goddamnit, smile" because "you better start convincing me
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how happy you are, you worthless piece of shit cum-bubble, or else I'm gonna
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send you home with John and give him the biggest Coke bottle I can find to
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service you with." I quickly began smiling and for the first time since my
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arrival, began spasmodically jerking my arms back and forth. Like most of
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the lifers at this place.
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Soon the rest of the inmates returned carrying the escapee, kicking and
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screaming all the way back to his spot on the benches. He was held down for
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the rest of the day, but continued to scream repeatedly "Caldelau!!!
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Caldelau!!! Caldelau!!!" I found this behavior odd, yet entertaining, in a
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"see the animal boy, born human, but raised by wolves" sideshow freak kind of
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way. This was the first person I had seen reduced in utter frustration to
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screaming gibberish.
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This went on for hours. When I could take it no more, I looked at the
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person next to me and asked, "What is he screaming?"
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I was sternly reprimanded for the better part of an hour and then made
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to stand up so that each of the other inmates could "lovingly, yet directly,
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share their feelings of hurt and disappointment with me for speaking out of
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turn."
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He wouldn't stop. He kept droning on, "Caldelau!!! Caldelau!!!
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Caldelau!!!" in the most hideously high-pitched male voice anyone could ever
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devise.
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Someone finally told me that the attempted escapee was actually saying
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"Call the law."
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I felt like laughing, but didn't even smile. This would only lead to
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more "loving and caring sharing of emotions and feelings" in response to my
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perceived mocking insensitivity. And so it goes.
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/.ooM \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ /.ooM \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/lucky 13\ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ /lucky 13\
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\ / `-' (U) `-' \ /
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`-' the original e-zine `-' _
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Oooo eastside-westside / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ WORLDWIDE / ( / \
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\__/ ) / Copyright (c) 1997 cDc communications and the author. \ ) \)(/
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(_/ Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a trademark of oooO
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cDc communications, PO Box 53011, Lubbock, TX, 79453, USA. _
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oooO All rights reserved. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
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