96 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
96 lines
4.7 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Quadro-Pounder
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by Drunkfux
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01/01/1997-#329
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__//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__
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Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ xXx BOW to the COW xXx \////// Est. 1984
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__ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __
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|__heal_the_sick__raise_the_dead__cleanse_the_lepers__cast_out_demons__|
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As I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru and gazed at the death-
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infested menu which was so obviously responsible for breast cancer,
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arthritis, Erik Estrada, racism, and every tragedy in the last 9,000,000
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years, I had a change of heart. Instead of my usual "Can I have a #3 combo
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with a Coke, please?" I shouted, "Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER
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W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!"
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"Ok sir, you wanted a Quarter Pounder, just plain, is that correct?"
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"N0 B1TCH! I ZED I WANTED A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! GET IT R1TE 0R DIE!"
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I hear quiet laughter through the speaker. "A what pounder?!"
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"A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER!"
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"Uh... I don't think we have that. Are you sure you don't mean a
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Quarter Pounder?"
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"N0 I D0N'T MEEN A FUKN MEEZLY AZZ QUARTUR P0UNDER! HERE'Z WHAT I WANT,
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2 FUKN D0UBLE QUARTER P0UNDERZ PUT T0GETHER 2 MAKE 1 QUADR0-P0UNDER!"
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"Ooohhh... you want *2* Double Quarter Pounders then?"
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"N0 B1TCH! I WANT 1 FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! TAKE THE 2 D0UBLEZ, PUT THEM
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T0GETHUR AND GIV ME 1 QUADR0! U G0T IT YET BRAINIAK?"
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An employee peeks out from the back entrance. "Oh! Ok... I think we
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can do that. Would you like cheese on that?"
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"FUK N0 B1TCH! I WANT 4 H0T SLABZ 0F C0W DETH 0N A BUN WITH N0 FUKING
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HIPPIE AZZ VEGETABULZ! I ALZ0 D0NT WANT ANY FUKING LAME VEGAN FRIEZ 0R ANY
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TYPE 0F RECYKULD PAKAGING. N0 KUP, N0 BAG, N0 WRAPPERZ... PUT THE SHIT 0N
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THE WIND0W K0UNTER THING AND I WILL TAKE IT!"
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"Uh...."
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"FUK IT & GIMME THAT WHICH IZ THE S0URCE 0F ALL EVIL... N0W!"
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"Thank you. Please drive to the second window."
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For the record, I got my fucking Quadro-Pounder and it r0cked. I am
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faxing McDonald's tomorrow and demanding that this awesome item be
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permanently added to every McDonald's menu around the world.
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DETH IZ IMMINENT. THE EARTH MUZT DIE. GIVE US WHAT WE WANT 0R BE
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PREPARED T0 FACE THE WRATH.
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/.ooM \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ /.ooM \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/lucky 13\ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ /lucky 13\
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\ / `-' (U) `-' \ /
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`-' the original e-zine `-' _
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Oooo eastside-westside / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ WORLDWIDE / ( / \
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\__/ ) / Copyright (c) 1997 cDc communications and the author. \ ) \)(/
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(_/ Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a trademark of oooO
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cDc communications, PO Box 53011, Lubbock, TX, 79453, USA. _
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oooO All rights reserved. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
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