80 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
80 lines
4.3 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Pantslessness
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by Mark Buda
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01/01/1997-#328
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__//////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\__
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Est. 1984 \\\\\\/ xXx BOW to the COW xXx \////// Est. 1984
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__ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __ _ _ __
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|__heal_the_sick__raise_the_dead__cleanse_the_lepers__cast_out_demons__|
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My pants deny my existence. I struggle with them daily, yet they insist
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that they are the master. Who is to settle this dispute? Lying and wheezing
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in my bed of potato and vinegar, I call for the princes of the boudoir, but
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they heed me not. I fret, and in fretting, I sprain a whim. Damn. I must
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go, and leave my pants behind. I spit on them as I leave, but they are not
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ashamed.
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I stroll down the avenue, aware that in my pantslessness I am the focus
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of attention. I am secretly elated, but at the same time, I am worried. I
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do not have a spaniel, either, yet I do not experience the joy of being
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without one. I collapse in the street, crying bitter tears at the emotions I
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can only deduce, for I am too numb to experience them. I am wracked by
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despair as I realize I have been feeling the rapture of kazoolessness my
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entire life, and yet it has not moved me.
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As I lie sprawled in the street, passersby stop to taunt me and throw me
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gnarled twigs.
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I catch and eat them, for I deserve no better.
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And as I crunch on my gritty repast, I feel a prod in a part of my body
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that only one creature dares to touch. Could it be - it is! My pants! They
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have come to rescue me!
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No, it is only a squirrel.
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When, at last, I return home, I find that my pants have locked me out
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and have taken my wives for their own, and are redecorating the palace. I
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have only myself to blame.
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http://www.clark.net/pub/hermit/
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/.ooM \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ /.ooM \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/lucky 13\ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ /lucky 13\
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\ / `-' (U) `-' \ /
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`-' the original e-zine `-' _
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Oooo eastside westside / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ WORLDWIDE / ( / \
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\__/ ) / Copyright (c) 1997 cDc communications and the author. \ ) \)(/
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(_/ Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW is a trademark of oooO
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cDc communications, PO Box 53011, Lubbock, TX, 79453, USA. _
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oooO All rights reserved. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
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