125 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
125 lines
4.8 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... Gravity
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by James Cazamias
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06/01/1996-#314
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__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
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\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
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___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
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|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
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"I want to be the biggest."
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Dr. Kveeky licked his lips. "Ms. Gazunga...."
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"Gazongas. E. Norma Gazongas."
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"Ms. Gazongas... that's a tricky thing you're asking."
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"You *are* a plastic surgeon, aren't you?"
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"Yes, but breast augmentation has its limits...."
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"Break them!"
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"I'm afraid you don't understand. There are implant sizes we dare not
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exceed, for safety reasons."
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"Safety, schmafety! I'm an exotic dancer, see? These gourds are my
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living, see? And I can't compete with these artificial baloonoid bimbos unless
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I jump on the bandwagon, see?!"
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"But...."
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"The biggest, Doc. Gigantic. Mammoidal. Mobyesque."
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"But...."
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"I'll pay you a million dollars."
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"Half first."
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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The surgery took three days.
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They used a crane.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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At first, everything went great. Later, however, serious problems
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developed.
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"Doc! You gotta help me!"
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"Now, Ms. Gazongas...."
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"Am I gonna die?"
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"Of course not, my dear! You're just suffering some, er... side effects."
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"You call *THIS* a side effect?!"
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"Hmmm. More of a demonstration of gravity, I should think."
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"Don't get smart."
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"Sorry."
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"But what do I do?"
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"I'm afraid we can't reverse the process."
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"Then remove them!"
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"Impossible! The shock would kill you."
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"Then... what will happen to me?"
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"Now, now, Norma, don't worry about a thing. Mishaps like this never go
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on forever; eventually, the human body reaches its own equilibrium. In a short
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time, you'll be good as new.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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And so it was that Ms. Gazongas (now Mrs. Gazongas-Smythe) survived her
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dreadful experience. In time, she reassumed the bustline dimensions of a
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normal, healthy woman.
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But never, ever again could she sit in a car and reach the pedals.
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/ \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/ \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \
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WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE
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`-' .ooM `-' _
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Oooo / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 James Cazamias and cDc. / ( /\
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\__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/
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(_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _
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oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
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