311 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
311 lines
16 KiB
Plaintext
|
|
_
|
|
| \
|
|
| \
|
|
| | \
|
|
__ | |\ \ __
|
|
_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
|
|
| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
|
|
| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
|
|
| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
|
|
| | | | / / | |
|
|
| | | |/ / | |
|
|
| | | | / | |
|
|
| | | / | |
|
|
| | |_/ | |
|
|
| | | |
|
|
| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
|
|
| |________________________________________________________________| |
|
|
|____________________________________________________________________|
|
|
|
|
...presents... Chick Comix
|
|
by Craig Becker
|
|
06/01/1996-#312
|
|
|
|
__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
|
|
\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
|
|
___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
|
|
|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
|
|
|
|
Last night, I went out and bought a selection of Chick religious tracts.
|
|
This was my first-ever visit to a Christian bookstore, and I can safely say
|
|
that they are not good places to meet women. I bought several Chick tracts for
|
|
12 cents each.
|
|
|
|
If you've never seen or heard of a "Chick Comic," then I should explain
|
|
what they are exactly. They are little booklets, about 2.5 by 5 inches, with a
|
|
cartoon drawing and title on the cover. They're either handed out on the
|
|
street, or left in likely places for people to find. My initial acquaintance
|
|
came from finding one in a phone booth at a ball game. Opening one up and
|
|
looking inside exposes one to a whole new vista of weirdness. Most people seem
|
|
to remember the first time they read a Chick comic.
|
|
|
|
My friend Doug walked into my office today, picked one up and started
|
|
reading. "There's something about these things..." he said, 15 minutes later.
|
|
"They're sick, but fascinating." If you've ever read one, I'm sure you'll
|
|
agree. He went on to opine that they're sort of like an automobile accident:
|
|
you know you'll be shocked or disgusted, but you look anyway.
|
|
|
|
These things appear to be the handiwork of one Jack T. Chick, about which
|
|
not much seems to be generally known. But, if Mr. Chick were to appear nude as
|
|
a Playboy centerfold (a concept which he and I would both find appalling,
|
|
though for different reasons), it's likely that the personality section would
|
|
include something like this:
|
|
|
|
Turn-ons: Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Rapture, and Armageddon.
|
|
|
|
Turn-offs: Catholicism, the Pope, the Vatican, New Age, teachers,
|
|
homosexuals, child psychologists, rock music, disobedient children,
|
|
Mary Magdalene, drugs, Masons, evolution, witches, cults, animal and
|
|
human sacrifice, sin, Satan, and those who mock born-again Christians.
|
|
|
|
The tragic thing is that Mr. Chick is actually quite a good artist when he
|
|
wants to be, rivaling Richard Corben (of _Den_ fame) at his best.
|
|
|
|
At 12 cents each, I bought a bunch of them. Here are writeups on some of
|
|
the "better" of them:
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_Doom Town_ - 1991. Summary: A Christian cameraman tapes a gay rights rally,
|
|
then tells one of the protesters the story of the destruction of Sodom. Gay
|
|
protester converts, is saved. Artwork: high-quality.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- Rally speaker says, "If research money for AIDS is not coming at a certain
|
|
level by a certain date, all gay males should give blood. Whatever is
|
|
required to get national attention is valid. If that includes *blood
|
|
terrorism*, so be it."
|
|
- Lot looks very much the upper-middle-class WASP.
|
|
- Full page depiction of fat, sweaty bald guy with beard kissing Rip Torn
|
|
lookalike with beard and bouffant hair while another fat bald guy chases
|
|
a little boy past a demonic-looking statue.
|
|
- Hairy, hulking guy tells quivering innocent child, "It's that time again!"
|
|
Bottom of panel says "God heard the cries of these tortured little ones
|
|
and took action," but it looks like the "tortured little ones" got nuked
|
|
along with the rest of Sodom.
|
|
- Includes the part where Lot offers his two virgin daughters to the crowd.
|
|
- Left out the part where Lot's wife turns into a pillar of salt.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Last Generation_ - 1992. Summary: In the near future, the World Court in
|
|
Rome sentences believers in Jesus to committal to a mental camp for treatment,
|
|
or execution. Bobby, the young son of a Christian family, turns in his family
|
|
for a reward; the grandfather is tortured and dies, his parents escape to a
|
|
cabin in the woods, but are found later. Rapture occurs just as the bad guys
|
|
break in. Artwork: high-quality.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
- Grinning newscaster reminiscent of _Robocop_.
|
|
- Bobby's neo-Nazi uniform.
|
|
- Bobby complains, "The kids call me _slime_ because my @!!!**! parents are
|
|
_still_ married." Bottom of panel says, "'Honour thy father and thy mother
|
|
that your days may be long upon the land.' Ex. 20:12 *(Bobby won't live
|
|
long.)*"
|
|
- Unique "peace sign on a stick" with serpent symbol. Also, the "One World"
|
|
insignia.
|
|
- Crazed expression on Bobby's face when he holds up pictures of cute
|
|
kitten and puppy and says, "My teacher said these are _great_ for a
|
|
Halloween sacrifice."
|
|
- Mom says, "Bobby! Go to bed right now!"
|
|
Bobby replies, "Larry's mom said that to him, now she's in a
|
|
concentration camp for...CHILD ABUSE! Wanna join her?"
|
|
- Interesting tract houses with lighted numbers of the roofs.
|
|
- Bobby's teacher says, "It's with great pleasure... I introduce a famous
|
|
_New Age Healer!"
|
|
- Bobby: "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"
|
|
"Yes! A BIG reward!"
|
|
- Grandfather being tortured at "Mental Health" facility. "How long before
|
|
he cracks?"
|
|
"Not long! We inserted microchips to increase the pain."
|
|
- "@!!!**! Take this heretic away. Dispose of it, or use it for food."
|
|
- At end: "Little Bobby grew up and died in his sins, because he never
|
|
prayed a prayer like this:" etc.
|
|
- I can't help but think this would make a really good movie.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Beast_ - 1988. Summary: An account of the things that will happen at and
|
|
shortly before the end of the world, with emphasis on how it won't be long now.
|
|
Artwork: medium-quality.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- Full page panel "Life as it is today" depicting fighting, killing, nudity,
|
|
cursing, gambling, drinking, smoking, divorce, adultery, homosexuality,
|
|
and women dancing on stage to wild music.
|
|
- "I have the power... Lucifer is lord!"
|
|
"Yes, and we are bringing peace with a one world government - a New Age."
|
|
[I bet the Chick people just went nuts over Bush's "New World Order"]
|
|
- "Satan raises up a leader that the world will love."
|
|
"This 'man of peace' stabilizes the world economy and pulls the religions
|
|
of the world together. He is Satan's masterpiece and he rules from the
|
|
Vatican."
|
|
- "With the use of computers, the Beast will be able to control every
|
|
person on the globe."
|
|
- People with "666" tattooed on forehead.
|
|
- 3 wheeled Cushman-like police vehicle with hydraulic guillotine on the
|
|
back for fast public executions.
|
|
- Classic Chick depictions of souls rising from graves, flying through
|
|
clouds, being judged. "Do their names appear in the Book of Life?"
|
|
"No, Lord, their names do not appear!" Some are cast into the "lake of
|
|
fire", others rewarded.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Death Cookie_ - 1988. Summary: The Catholic church is a plot by Satan to
|
|
corrupt the faithful. But a few faithful find the real word of God and will be
|
|
saved. The "Death Cookie" of the title refers to the eucharist. Artwork:
|
|
classic Chick: very cartoonish, people all have big noses.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- Claim that ancient Egyptian sun god worshipers also had a "eucharist/
|
|
transubstantiation" myth.
|
|
- "The religious advisor added more Jesuses to "Mama Church" to confuse
|
|
the children. And they had to bow down and worship each one listed
|
|
below as God:
|
|
* The baby Jesus at Christmas.
|
|
* The dead Jesus on a cross.
|
|
* The angry Jesus up in heaven that nobody can calm down except his
|
|
mother. This Jesus was created to frighten everyone in Mama Church.
|
|
* Even Holy Papa became a type of Jesus. [Picture of Pope w/ big nose]
|
|
* The Holy Helpers became other Jesuses. [Picture of Monks w/ big noses]
|
|
* But the most dangerous Jesus was the one they stole from Egypt... the
|
|
"cookie god." [picture of eucharistic wafer]
|
|
- Letters IHS on eucharist "stand for Isis, Horus and Seb, the gods of
|
|
Egypt.
|
|
- "The cookie-god was actually called the Wafer God."
|
|
- "Is this Jesus Christ, His blood, body, and soul?"
|
|
"No, it's symbolic."
|
|
"Burn him!"
|
|
- "The Vatican is marked for judgment and destruction by the Lord for her
|
|
blasphemy."
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Deceived_ - 1990. Summary: Two Arabs discover that their faith, Islam, is
|
|
nothing but a plot by the Catholic church to control the Arab people. They
|
|
accept Jesus and are saved, but must spread the word so that other Arabs aren't
|
|
taken in. Artwork: exceptionally high-quality.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- What with the Islamic prohibition on "graven images," how many Muslims
|
|
do they expect are gonna read a comic book?
|
|
- Semiramis, the queen of Babylon and "Queen of Heaven," is a real
|
|
knock-out. "Satan would use her to destroy billions of souls."
|
|
- "Idols of the 'Queen of Heaven' were everywhere. Behind each idol a
|
|
demon controlled all who bowed down to it." Below is picture of people
|
|
kneeling and praying in front of a statue that, from the back, looks
|
|
suspiciously like the Virgin Mary and Child, complete with haloes.
|
|
- "To destroy true Christianity, Satan moved his murderous religion from
|
|
Babylon to Rome. Roman idols were given Christian titles. Venus was
|
|
called Mary... who became the 'Queen of Heaven.' Roman Catholicism was
|
|
born and Satan ruled from the Vatican."
|
|
- "The evil popes wanted to rule from Jerusalem instead of Rome. But they
|
|
needed an army to kill the Jews and destroy true Christianity."
|
|
- "For this dirty job, the Vatican used the children of Ishmael." Picture
|
|
shows Pope and his men. "The Bedoins refuse Catholicism. Then we'll
|
|
unite them with a new religion, so we can control them."
|
|
- "Where did the name 'Allah' come from? Abraham, Moses, and Jesus never
|
|
called God by that name. One of the idols [in the Kaaba in Mecca]
|
|
belonged to Muhammad's Quraysh tribe. It was called 'Allah!'"
|
|
- The two Arabs are upset: "Islam is a FALSE HOPE! That means one
|
|
billion of us are praying to the demon power behind that idol."
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_Angels_ - 1986. Summary: A down-on-its-luck Christian rock band signs a
|
|
contract with Lewis Siffer and becames part of his devious scheme to control
|
|
billions of souls with music. Three band members die or are otherwise lost,
|
|
but a young Christian girl slips a Chick Publication into Tom's jacket and he
|
|
finds Jesus and is saved. Artwork: classic Chick.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- Lewis Siffer, get it? [_Angelheart_ did this much better, IMHO]
|
|
- "My servants run this worldwide organization. It's called 'Killer Rock.'"
|
|
- "Then I gave them Elvis and the Beatles, etc."
|
|
- "From the 70's on, I gave the world KISS, Black Sabbath, Motley Crue,
|
|
etc. My music pushes murder, drugs, free sex, suicide, to destroy country,
|
|
home, and education..."
|
|
- "Who do you think started Christian Rock? I did!" [I won't argue with
|
|
that]
|
|
- "Everyone loves it because it all sounds the same."
|
|
- Band member dies on stage while band sings, "Embrace me, Love of Death"
|
|
- "My heavy metal has turned millions into rock-a-holics... they've become
|
|
zombies."
|
|
- Tom is depressed: "It's all over. Everything's ashes. Bobby died of AIDS,
|
|
and Jim OD'd. And Don is into vampirism."
|
|
- I wonder if there's a Chick comic that deals with rap.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Curse Of Baphomet_ - 1991. Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Scott's son attempts
|
|
suicide, and his prognosis is grim, until their friend Ed reveals the truth
|
|
about Masonry. The Scotts denounce Masonry and burn all of Mr. Scott's Shriner
|
|
paraphernalia in the back yard while praying for forgiveness. Upon returning
|
|
to the house, the hospital calls to tell them that their son has regained
|
|
consciousness and is going to be okay. Artwork: classic Chick.
|
|
|
|
Highlights:
|
|
|
|
- Mr. Scott says "I'm a Shriner!
|
|
"Ed replies, "No! I had no idea you were into witchcraft."
|
|
- "This 'Great Architect of the Universe' you pray to is NOT the God of
|
|
the Bible... it's really Baphomet! And he's ugly, frightening, and
|
|
completely satanic."
|
|
- Picture of Baphomet straight from Crowley.
|
|
- Photos of two 33rd degree Masons wearing the "sign of Baphomet."
|
|
- "...the *MASONIC RELIGION* should be, by all of us initiates of the
|
|
high degrees, maintained in the purity of the *LUCIFERIAN* doctrine.
|
|
If Lucifer were not god, would Adonay (Jesus)...calumniate (spread false
|
|
and harmful statements about) him? YES, LUCIFER IS GOD." Statement
|
|
attributed to Albert Pike, the Grand Commander, Sovereign Pontiff of
|
|
Universal Freemasonry.
|
|
- "The obelisk is a Masonic symbol of a male sex organ right out of Baal
|
|
worship... and God hates it." [I guess He's not too crazy about the
|
|
Washington monument, then. Mr. Clinton, are you listening?]
|
|
- "Masonry is a dark spiritual force, blending all ungodly religions."
|
|
- On the origin of the red Shriner fez: "In the 8th century, Muslim hords
|
|
[sic] overran the Moroccan city of Fez and butchered 50,000 Christians.
|
|
The Muslim murderers dipped their caps in the blood in honor of Allah.
|
|
These blood-stained caps were called fezzes, idols dedicated to a false
|
|
god (Satan.)"
|
|
- "Righteousness comes only from Jesus Christ...NEVER from an apron."
|
|
- For more information, you are asked to contact Free the Masons Ministries,
|
|
PS Box 1077, Issaquah, WA 98027.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
And so it goes. I suspect (judging from the little serial numbers on the
|
|
back) that there are upwards of 100 different comics in this series.
|
|
|
|
In case you're curious, the back of each Chick comic says "Send $5.00 for
|
|
a sample assortment and price list." The comics are available in a variety of
|
|
languages.
|
|
|
|
Chick Publications
|
|
PO Box 662
|
|
Chino, CA 91708-0662 USA
|
|
(909) 987-0771
|
|
.-. _ _ .-.
|
|
/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
|
|
/ \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \
|
|
-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
|
|
/ \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \
|
|
WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE
|
|
`-' .ooM `-' _
|
|
Oooo / ) __
|
|
/)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 Craig Becker and cDc. / ( /\
|
|
\__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/
|
|
(_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _
|
|
oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
|
|
/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
|
|
\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
|
|
\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
|
|
|