358 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
358 lines
13 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | /________/ | | / / /________/ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... mE t0o!@#$
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by Mogel
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01/01/1996-#307
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__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
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\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
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___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
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|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
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Enter Generic Angst Statement #1: Humanity is cracking to pieces.
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"What to do? After all the youthful hope has passed, reality always
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shines on a human being's insignificance - and it's like a slap in the face."
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So deeply ponders the white upper-middle-class suburban guy before he turns on
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his CD of NWA's gangsta rap full blast.
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The white upper-middle-class suburban girl nods her head in agreement.
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"How can someone believe something and not even challenge it?" she
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wonders. She opens her well-packaged three-dollar box with eight little pieces
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of cheese and crackers.
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"Who am I? Why am I here?"
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"Who knows. Why do you care?"
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"Don't be rude."
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"I'm not rude."
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"Don't you care?"
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"No."
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"Oh, just... fuck off!"
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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Moments pass. Days pass. Years pass. Lives pass.
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I sat on my windowsill with the window wide-open today. Freezing cold
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temperatures and they're pouring into my room. I didn't even care. I was
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so angry at everyone around me. Nobody understands me. Maybe she'll
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understand.
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"Is nothing sacred?" she asked me. She asked me... she's talking to me!
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No matter how old you get, sometimes girls will make you feel like a little
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boy. I melt when I talk to her. My emotions and thoughts get swirled up. Is
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this when obsession kicks in?
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I wonder if she knows.
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"Be careful," my friend said. "I hope you don't get hurt."
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The snow-covered buildings move and contort. The frosty air's almost
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unnoticeable natural sound of static is addictive. I saw the world as a giant
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brick wall. There I am climbing some big cliche'd ladder and there are my
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friends on their own ladders. So many ladders, but how many rungs are
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important? How many can you take out before a ladder splits in two?
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"Everything I say is better and more important than what you say."
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"Just fuck off."
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Most of my thoughts that entire day by the window were about why people
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think. Eventually you get pulled in some direction you don't want to go, so
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you shut down. You're full of dead thought. You know that you're tired of
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thinking when all you think about is ways of how NOT to think anymore.
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Anti-think. But it's not working.
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Dramatic pause.
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Do I love her, or am I just emotionally starved?
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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Enter Generic Angst Statement #2: Everything has been done before.
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"Then why bother?" Generic Angst Poet asks.
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"Because we must," replies my Generic Hero that will never exist.
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"There's not an original thought left. Originality has become an art of
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concealing your sources."
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"Unmotivated people have always declared that all the ideas of their
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current time were the end-all and be-all. The world will be proved wrong as we
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synthesize. All you can do is learn everything that has already been thought
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and use it to pull in some new direction. There are virtually infinite ideas
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that no one has ever found yet. It's exciting. I'm ready to find the most
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original and revolutionary thought anywhere."
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"Me too!"
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I think too much. I need to just shut up and enjoy myself.
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Is this really a date?
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What am I doing here? The Angst-O-Meter rises. Maybe I can write an
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"alternative" song about it when I go back home. There's her door. Look at
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the picture of Elvis. Look at the word "Peace." So simple. So meaningful.
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That's the best message ever. Damn, what cheese. People will find deep
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philosophical meaning in a turnip if you let them. Fuck that.
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I knock.
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"Come in."
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I wonder if she knows.
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Her room is a mess. She smiles. She's on the computer.
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She's been on her computer a long time. I've obsessed like that on the
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computer before. Wait, that's the understatement of a lifetime.
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"Sit down, I'll be off in a sec."
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"Okay."
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Isn't it obvious? Of course it's not. I'm the retarded master of hiding
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what my emotions are. I want to grab her and throw her on the bed. I want to
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recite horribly bad poetry to her and look up at the moonlight and hear a
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string section in her closet. I wanna hold her. I wanna love her. I wanna
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call her "baby" and sing Peter Frampton songs to her. My life is trapped in
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an episode of _Sweet Valley High_.
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"Wanna go eat?"
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She turns her head to respond and I see those eyes. Some girls are so
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beautiful it's disgusting. She's one of them. It's funny how the deeper you
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stare into the eyes of a girl the more you feel ultimately hopeless.
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You stare into her with that feeling of hopelessness and you catch a
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glimpse of yourself back. It makes you queasy.
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Now it's time for a commercial break.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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"This t-file is lame."
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What's wrong with you? What's your problem? Is this file too boring for
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you? Not enough talk about sex? No big exciting things happening? Why don't
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I list a thousand redundant jokes about _Star Trek_ or college life or
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computers? I'm sure those would be a real hoot. You can stand in lines, or
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you can read between them.
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Enter Generic Angst Statement #3: Everything sucks.
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"I hate everyone," proclaimed the youth.
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"Me too!" agreed his friend.
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"I hate this world."
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"Me too!"
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"Everyone is stupid. The whole world sucks because people are stupid.
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You, me, and everyone. I'm fuckin' tired of it."
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"Me too!"
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"Nobody really listens to anyone else, unless it fits into their own
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little picture of the world."
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"Yeah!"
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"Today's youth is full of this corny bullshit rage. They get mad at mommy
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and daddy for giving them a bedtime, so they scream and holler and declare
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themselves rebels against society and other buzzword random institutions. Am I
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the only one that sees how stupid everyone is? This pisses me off! I'm... I'm
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gonna... I'm about to explode!"
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"Me t0o!@#$!"
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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"'Just fuck off'?" she asked. "Why'd you write that on your door?"
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"It's the way I feel sometimes. I don't wanna talk to anyone."
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"You're pretty anti-social sometimes, huh?"
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"Fuck off. No, wait. I didn't mean that."
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If I'm not into escapism, what am I doing typing this right now? I gotta
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talk to her. I gotta tell her.
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*** emmanuel has been kicked off channel #hack by Mogel (Just fuck off)
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I gotta tell her.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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Enter Generic Angst Statement #4: Everything is random.
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An old man walks in the park. He sits on a bench, flips open his tattered
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notebook, and begins to write.
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"I see insignificance in everything," he scrawls with his Bic. "All my
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life I've heard people say to make your life have meaning. Your life needs to
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make its mark. People treat conversation as petty in the big picture. The
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people you see on a walk around town all have the potential to be your friend.
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You need to connect."
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He raises his head for a moment to look around the park. Night is
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beginning to fall. He sees no one else.
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"One day you realize you don't know anyone and you're a lonely old man.
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Then, when it's too late, you realize _that's_ the meaning of it all. That's
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why you're supposed to go through all the nitty-gritty events that life throws
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at you. To grow and develop. The more you experience and think, the more
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you're ready for death. I wish for it, but I'm not ready. I've failed."
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"I think I'm going to call her," I said to myself, eating lunch alone.
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"Oh shit. I haven't talked to her in a week."
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ATDT PLEASE BE THERE
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BUSY
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A/
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BUSY
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A/
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RING
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RING
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RING
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CONNECT BAD MOOD
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"Hello?"
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"Hi. Uh, it's me."
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"Hey!"
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"What's new?"
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"Not too much. Been running around like crazy this week. How come you
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haven't called me?"
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"Uh, I've been... uh, busy too. I'm sorry. It's shitty that I didn't
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call."
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"What have _you_ been up to? You actually go to class this week?"
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"Yeah! And lunch too. Amazing but true."
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"Me too!"
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Ugh. I've gotta tell her.
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"I've been writing a lot. I'm working on a real off-beat
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story-like-thing. It's more personal than I've ever done before."
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"Great. Lemme read it when you're done. What's it about?"
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"It's sort of made up of little random stories. If I do it right it'll
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have a theme about what goes through a lot of people's heads and sort of
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explains why people might act like they do."
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"But of course all the things everyone says are actually your thoughts,
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right?"
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"Well, they were my thoughts at one point. Maybe not now. It's all sort
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of a growing process. I'll throw in some neat recurring ideas and feelings and
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it'll be inter-mixed with a love story as the ultimate symbol of 'angst'.
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Heh."
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"Wow. Sounds pretty rad."
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She said "rad." Teehee.
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"Hope so."
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"Maybe when you're done you'll have people screaming in praise, 'Mogel
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is the spokesperson for his generation! His words are so true!'"
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"Haha. Yeah. They'll say 'Mogel!! I HAVE PAIN. mE t0o!@#$'"
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"Well, is there anything else? If not, I gotta run to class. I'll call
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you when I get back."
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Now's the time. Tell her. Do it.
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"I, uh..."
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I wonder if she knows.
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"I'll talk to you when you get back."
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"Byebye."
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NO CARRIER
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ATDT I'M OBSESSED
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RING
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RING
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CONNECT HOPE
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"Hello?"
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"Hi. Uh, I love you."
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"I know that, dummy."
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.-. _ _ .-.
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/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
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/ \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \
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-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
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/ \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \
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WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE
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`-' .ooM `-' _
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Oooo / ) __
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/)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 cDc communications. / ( / \
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\__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/
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(_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _
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oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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/ ) /)(\ / \ ) \
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\ ( \__/ Save yourself! Go outside! Do something! \)(/ ( /
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
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