1949 lines
89 KiB
Plaintext
1949 lines
89 KiB
Plaintext
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_____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________
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| ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ |
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| | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | |
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| | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
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| |________________________________________________________________| |
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|____________________________________________________________________|
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...presents... COWBEATER #3
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by The cDc Cultees
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12/01/1995-#300
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__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
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\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
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___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
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|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
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__| _ \ \ / _ ) __| \__ __| __| _ \
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( ( \ \ \ / _ \ _| _ \ | _| /
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\___\___/ \_/\_/ ___/___|_/ _\_| ___|_|_\
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Number 3
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sponsored by the
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COW DISCIPLINE COMMITTEE
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"tough love"
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COWBEATER is published now and then by cDc communications, PO Box 53011,
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Lubbock, TX 79453. Copyright(c) 1995 by cDc communications. All rights
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reserved. Title COWBEATER and the distinctive "Dead Cow" logo are ours, and
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we'll bust everyone's head who doesn't like them. All rights to letters sent
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to COWBEATER become the property of cDc communications and will be treated as
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unconditionally assigned for publication and are subject to COWBEATER's right
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to edit and to comment editorially. Any similarity between persons and places
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in COWBEATER and any real persons and places is purely coincidental. COW-
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BEATER's comments on pictures, people, trademarks and/or copyrighted material
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are only its opinion based solely on those facts disclosed. COWBEATER's use
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of such items is not authorized by the persons named and/or depicted by the
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trademark or copyright owners, and no such authorization should be inferred.
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All nude models are 12 or older.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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A Super-Special Note From The Editor
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Hey! Welcome to the first issue of COWBEATER since 1992. The name's
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gained two extra letters at the end... but I can't talk about that right now.
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You know what's really on my mind? The wide world of RETAIL!
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I'm always disappointed going to the old K-Mart in this fine city because
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it's just lame. It screams "We haven't remodeled since '79 and Wal-Mart is
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destroying us."
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All the K-Mart employees are sullen and shiftless since Wal-Mart came to
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town. And Sears employees? Forget it. They might as well work in a museum.
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Wanna depress a Sears employee? Ask 'em where the big catalog's at. Ha ha ha.
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Pity the poor toy department Sears employees the most. They're lepers, a BIG
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BAD JOKE, man, since Toys 'R' Us broke ground. They can't even hold their
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heads up. You can imagine them sitting around in the employee lounge, drinking
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whiskey out of Thermos bottles on 5-minute breaks that stretch into 2-hour
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binge sessions.
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And don't think I don't know that you guys take my brilliant ideas and use
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'em to seem witty with the chicks. I hate you for it, forever.
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Here's another great idea: go die. Now. Thanks.
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hugz :) :) :) :) :) :) :) hugz meez ga-goo nee touchie feeelieeez :) :) :)
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Swamp Ratte'
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Mack-Daddy Ruling Editor Supreme 'till Infinity X
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Breaking Necks and Cashing Checks in the 9-6, Kid
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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Letters to COWBEATER!
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Send us letters! Send us short stories! Send us pictures! Send us money!
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Send us consumer electronics! Send us music! Send send send!
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MAIL -
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HEY COWBEATER,
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I read Ratte's reply to Jazz on alt.fan.cult-dead-cow. I got to thinking.
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How many other kids have started things just like this? How many 100s of file
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groups are there in the ether?
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cDc is a constant reminder that you _can_ take some of childhood with you.
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That you can take some of the silly dreams and the innocent, crude fun and keep
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it with you as you grow up.
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Everybody is so damned serious and bitter about everything and nobody has
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any dreams anymore. It's just work, eat, sleep, get married and die. No more
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talking about the future. No more dreaming about writing stories or songs and
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getting rich. Just plodding through life with your ugly fat wife waiting for
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your first heart attack.
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cDc reminds me that there was a time when my friends and I felt hope.
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Excited about the future. We knew that if we could harness the power of our
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friendship we could be _legends_. cDc is the flowering of seeds we all planted
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when we were kids.
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You've accomplished a good thing here. And you've inspired a bunch of
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people that are damned hard to inspire about anything. There are a lot of us
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out there. And like it or not, cDc is where they turn to be part of something.
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I feel like a fucking motivational speaker.
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Jaffo
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--
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I THOUGHT YOU'D ALL LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.
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Somebody on alt.rumors posted that the CULT OF THE DEAD COW is planning to
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appear unannounced on _Larry King Live_ this Saturday. King is apparently
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taking CNN cameras to Groom Lake, Nevada to investigate the unmentionable
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military base there.
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According to the post, Cult members are planning to bring a live cow in a
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horse trailer up to one of the public observation areas surrounding the base.
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The scheme involves painting giant circle-A anarchy symbols and swastikas on
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the bovine, and then using firecrackers to scare it onto the base. The Cultees
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are hoping that the base security will tear the cow to pieces with their M-16s.
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I saw a response which mentioned that there are ranchers who have
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adjoining property, and that base security probably won't kill a cow that
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wanders on base, regardless of the slogans painted on it. But the best
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rejoinder was from someone who said that they should strap scary-looking but
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harmless devices to the cow and then let it march on base.
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I can only imagine how long this cow would survive, once on government
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property. All of the signs surrounding the Groom Lake observation areas have
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the words "Use of Lethal Force Authorized" in red letters.
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Anyway, I'll be watching for the cow on Saturday.
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Omega
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--
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To: sratte@phantom.com (Swamp Ratte)
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From: wthomas@netcom.com (Wes Thomas)
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Subject: You're sick, you're qualified
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hey swamp, why aren't you writing for mondo instead of spewing your seed opon
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the ground?
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---------------------------------
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Editor, MONDO 2000 magazine
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(510) 845-9018 Fax (510) 649-9630
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P.O. Box 10171, Berkeley CA 94709
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---------------------------------
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HEY WES,
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Because MONDO 2000 isn't macho enough.
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Hugz,
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S. Ratte'/cDc/666SATAN666NOSELLOUT!!!
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--
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HI CCOW BEET!!
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i hav been keeping thisdiary and was told to report my Progress toyall.
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thank you.
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8/10/95
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Talked on the phone with the Deth Veggie. Make further plans to be the lamest
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group in telecom. I agree to release my file "How To Make Cyanide Out Of An
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Apple". As we get excited over this the phone goes dead. I assume that the
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phone company has finally noticed I haven't paid my bill, then look down and
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see that the line has been severed. Can't figure out how. I smell something
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like diesel fuel mixed with tequila. Decide it must be time to change the
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cat's litter box. Light some incense instead.
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8/15/95
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Strange...marks... are showing up on my body. They look like some kind of
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weird burns. Hope I'm not getting some kind of virus. Got a new phone. Made
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myself a K-l00h00 and got onto the net. This turned out to be very
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frustrating, I couldn't do anything at all. Just bad line noise, it's probably
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just a coincidence that made it delete everything I typed and junk like "Thaha"
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would appear. Would have been a lot less annoying though if it hadn't printed
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stuff like "SUFFER MY RAT." Reach for the K-l00h00. It's gone.
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8/20/95
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Had a terrible dream about something big and scary blowing hot breath in my
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face. Woke up to find myself buried in C64 warez. They had blood on them!
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Immediately went to shower and found out I now have one of those marks on my
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face.
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8/27/95
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Remembered some vague stories about something called "Demonseed" today. Can't
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remember exactly what the upshot was cos I thought the person who told me was
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just trying to make a fool of me. They probably were, but for some reason it
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seems very important now that I remember exactly what the stories were about.
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9/5/95
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Went down to Store 24 and then the packie, spent all my money on Coconut
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Yoo-Hoo and Kahlua. It seemed like a good idea at the time except now I have
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no money for cigarettes, or food come to think of it. Maybe I should get a
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job. Nah.
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9/12/95
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Lately I've been working on this great project, I'm trying to perfect my
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formula for K-l00h00 and make the biggest and best drink in the world. I was
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working on it in the kitchen today when my roommate walked through dragging out
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all her stuff in boxes. Says she can't deal living with this and something
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like maybe she could deal with the smell of burning linoleum but that the
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screams were really starting to get on her nerves, then she left.
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I wonder what her fucking problem is and who's going to pay the rent now. Oh
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well, I really don't have time to deal with this, at least now I have extra
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space to work on my important project.
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10/1?/95
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Got more of the coolest fucking email in the world today, they knew all about
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the altar and stuff and said I'm on the right track. Offered some really good
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suggestions how to improve it too, I'm psyched. Haven't slept in three weeks
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but I really don't have the time. It was a little tricky to hook up the Super
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Nintendo to the VAX, but I think now I understand where the blender fits in.
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Really have to get a few more miles of phone cord.
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October something
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Used the altar again today, it went beautifully as usual and I really think I'm
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getting the hang of it. I'm a little scared to think what the phone bill is
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going to be like but my friend said not to worry he'd take care of it. Oh yeah
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the landlord came up and was pounding on my door, saying I made the downstairs
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neighbors move out or some shit, but when I opened the door to tell him to shut
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up he took one look at me and ran back down the stairs. Couldn't have been too
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important, and he even made me be late for my chicken-bleeding which is way
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annoying. Don't think I'll have to paint over the silver walls after all now
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they're a perfectly normal color so the landlord can't bitch about something
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else, cool patterns on them too.
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October
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Got this idea that maybe the patterns on the wall were actually new ways to
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encrypt stuff so I was checking them out but really they were messages and
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stuff for me I've been reading them I think I'm really learning a lot like I
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don't need a modem or computer even to log into anyplace any more which is
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pretty cool except I don't have time to anyway cos I'm busy reading the walls,
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there's new stuff every day and it's better than any board so it's OK I don't
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want to waste time writing about it I learned stuff that I used to wonder like
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what happened to Amelia Earhart and who killed Kennedy and what's up with the
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aliens anyway that was a big deal but compared to the other stuff not as
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interesting.
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11/
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2 month no sleep no food but things goin well i was told i must go to 2600
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tonight cos we need more supplies. said Im doing xcellent and to find more
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dregs of comp underground and bring them. truth told Im a lil tired too but no
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one notice, this good so i can make sure He is happy.
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?
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askd y not online now i said i am but new handle woudnt say what tho so He wont
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be mad like when i asked what if i run out of dregs? not scared tho very hapy!
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so hapy! stil hope i never have to sufr the Wrath like others. i bet He really
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likes me an ill b ok yea thats the ticket He cant do witout me He needs
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me in fact HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH`
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K-LaMe
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--
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xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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>>> DEMON ROACH UNDERGROUND BBS FEEDBACK <<<
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>From : GRIM REAPER (#170)
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Hmm, sorry dude, can't handle the no graphics...
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But hear this is a great board, all things considered that should make ya feel
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good with the competition, and you being at 2400 and Apple...
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Grab an IBM, and an HST and look for some of the best LD boards...
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It will blow your mind... BBS's done right with AWESOME graphics... color...
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Make sure you get on a ViSiON-X Board...
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xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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[A]uto reply [C]ontinue [R]e-read ] A
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xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX...those aren't your REAL parents, you know...XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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Ha. That's funny.
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Lick my self-cleaning oven, you Hee Haw-watching-in-your-underwear,
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Froot Loops-spearing-with-your-penis, twelth-generation-West Virginian-product-
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of incestuous-bestiality-fiends non-person. I'm going to defrost my freezer
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with your WARM BLOOD! I'm surprised you haven't drowned yet from looking up at
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the sky when it rains, with your mouth open like that.
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Geek.
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S. Ratte'/cDc
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Hey, your shoe's untied...
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xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
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--
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DAMN IT'S cDc,
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Jeezus Christ ....
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Greetings from last surviving member of the 1981-1986 group The Wizards of
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Baud, leaving you with "all that shit" from the long-gone Apple ][ and early PC
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series...
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This is, of course, making me wanna wipe away the foot of dust of the Ace
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1000 and load up some of the old text files (if the disks are still good).
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I applaud you in your success.
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Greetings from:
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Kilroy
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Agent Steel
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Major Havoc
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Havok
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Grand Wizard
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Duckman
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Count Zero (the old one who's like 35 now)
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etc. etc. etc. on and on can't damn remember for the cerebral arthritis that
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struck me several fucking years ago after a few too many nights with Tvarscki
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Vodka cuz it was the only stuff we could afford back then...
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<Maniacal Laughter>
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Take care.
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TAG: Take Stock in America --- Buy a U.S. Congressman!
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(C) 1985 Steel Solutions/TWOB ALL RIGHTS WAIVED
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Mark Steel
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--
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From: Thrashrman@aol.com
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Subject: found
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i found you guys through a search on incest. can you send me any thing
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relating to this subject? thanks
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--
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From: Brandon Trotter
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To: Weasel Boy
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Subject: email pal
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I need a pal!!!!!!
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Brandon Trotter
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From: Weasel Boy
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To: Brandon Trotter
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Subject: Re: email pal
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Have you considered asking Jesus to be your pal?
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With the advent of the World Wide Web, more people than ever are turning
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to JESUS due to the large number of Christians putting up sites on the web.
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Jesus has many advantages that I could not offer you. Consider the following:
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1) Jesus is always there. I'm always travelling between Atlanta and San
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Francisco, so I am not really available.
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2) Jesus can perform miracles. I can barely play guitar.
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3) Jesus is well-connected - his dad runs the Universe. I really have no
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contacts whatsoever.
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4) Jesus is fun to party with - he can turn water into wine, and if he wanted,
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he could turn wheat into marijuana or vitamins into amphetamines. That's so
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cool.
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So leave me alone, and go tell Jesus I said you could be his pal.
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Weasel Boy
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--
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DEAR COWBEATER,
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I'm a 16-year old Virgin, and lately Robby, my boyfriend, has been
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pressuring me to have sex with him. But I'm saving myself for THE DETH
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VEGETABLE!! I want all of his Comic-Book Villain-Sized Lovin', and I know that
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nothing Robby could offer me could POSSIBLY COMPARE!!! Help me out! What
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should I do?!
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Veggie-Tarian in FL
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Dear Veggie-Tarian,
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You just need to remember that there are thousands of girls out there just
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like you, who also want to give themselves up to THE DETH VEGETABLE. As you
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can well imagine, even a libido as Heroic as Veggie's is kept very very busy!
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But I've forwarded your letter on to him, and who knows... Perhaps he'll be
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paying you a special visit someday soon!
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--
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From: Crusader <Crusader@National.Alliance>
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Subject: Insult to White dignity
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Your cDc Web page is an insult to American Patriots everywhere, and I feel
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it is my duty to convince you to rejoin the fold.
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If you are at all concerned about the fate Western/American civiliztion
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and it's people, please take the time to read the attached artcle.
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Crusader@National.Alliance
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--
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From: Chris Goggans <phrack@well.sf.ca.us>
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To: sratte@phantom.com
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Subject: Re: NOBODY LOVES YOU BUT CDC
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<sniff>
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that message of love and harmony brings a tear to these tired old eyes.
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God bless ya!
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->ME
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--
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I WANT TO USE THIS FORUM TO SPEAK TO THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD.
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Why do you flirt with me so much? Do you really want me, or are you just
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a manipulative whore who dissipates her nearly throttled sex drive among
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strangers when it cannot be relieved within the strict bounds of the rewards
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you allot that operant conditioning subject you call a boyfriend? HA! The
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more you resist, the more complete will be your ultimate surrender to the power
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of the penis. I can feel your mind drawn inexorably over the brim into an
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oubliette of servility.
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Also, I'd just like to let all 3 billion of you know that even next month,
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after I have wall-to-wall women in the hot bachelor pad that my really
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important and manly job will buy, I won't turn mellow and forget how none of
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you would sleep with me when I was poor.
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Finally I'd like you to go back and admire that ultra-compound
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hypercomplex sentence two paragraphs back. Once you're sure I'm a lot smarter
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than you for having written it, take off your clothes and ring my doorbell.
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Then I'll ring yours.
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Eric Boesch
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--
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JOIN ME, COWBEATERS!
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hello the other day i saw star wars on my VCR. it was coool. i wish i had
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the force like Luke. then i would use it to make people give me money and to
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get free sex and to play bad tricks on whities. here is a GIF rendering i made
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myself of Dark Vader.
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-^-
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|
/ 0 0 \ "hello, may the force be with you!!!"
|
|
o *
|
|
/ ( .. )\ *
|
|
j [ ] \*
|
|
l__l
|
|
J J
|
|
|
|
I rule the dark side of the force. Join me and we shall crush the rebel
|
|
alliance and control the galaxy.
|
|
|
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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|
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|
|
|
Feature Presentations! Big Rabbits!
|
|
.,,,,,,,,,,,,
|
|
,;%%%%uuuuuuuuuuuuu%%%\
|
|
/%%%%%uuuu====####uuuuuu%%%%
|
|
/%%%%%uuuu.....===###uuuuu%%%%%%
|
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, '''''\%%%%%uuu....##.===##uuuu%%%%%%%%
|
|
,'''''''')####\%u....../==#/uuu%%%%%%%%%%%
|
|
,'''''/#########\%mmmmmmmmmmmmm%%%%%%%%%%%;
|
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#\''/##########(mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnu%%'%%%%%%%
|
|
###############(mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnuu%%'%%%%%%;
|
|
u\###########/ (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnuu%%'%%%%%%%%
|
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uuuuuEEE \mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnuuu%%'%%%%%%%%%
|
|
uuuuuEEE .:::,#u,mmmmnnmmmmmmmmmnuuu%%;; %%%%%%%%%
|
|
uuuuuu\##\:::::##uuummmmmmmmmmmmmmnuu%%;;;; :...%%%%%%
|
|
uuuuu\#######/uuuuuuuuuu,mmmmmmnu%%...;;; ::...%%%%
|
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\uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,mmnu/ \...;;; ::...%%%
|
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>####&&################<%%%% \;;;/ ::...%%%
|
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(#####&&&################%%%%%%% ::..%%%
|
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(######&&&&##############(%%%%%%%%%% ::%/
|
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(####&&&&&&#############(%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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(#######&&&&&############(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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(#########################(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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(# (######################(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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(#######################(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|
|
%%%(#####################(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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%%%%%%(####################(%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|
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;%%%%%%; (#################n'%%%%%%%%'%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|
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(%%%%%%%( ;%nn############nn'%%%%%%%%'%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
|
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;%%%%%%% %%%nnnnnnnnnnnnn'%%%%%%%%%'%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@)
|
|
\%%%%%; %%%%nnnnnnnn'%%%%%%%%%'%%'n%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@)
|
|
(%(%/ %%%%%nnnnnn'%%%%%%%%%%%'nnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@@
|
|
%%%%%%nnnnnn'%%%%%%%%'nnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@@@
|
|
%%%%%%%nnnnnnn(%(%)nnnnnnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@@@)
|
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.,;%%%%%%%%nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@@@@
|
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,nnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%nnnnnn)nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%%(@@@@@@@)
|
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/nnnnnnnnnnn%%%%%%nnnnnnnnnnn)nnnnnnnnn%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%/ (@@@@)
|
|
(uu(uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu/ (uu;;;;;;;;;;;uu)Dustin Slater
|
|
(uu;;;;;;;;;;uu)
|
|
I always shrieked at Gary because (uuuuuuuuuuuuu)
|
|
he kept shoving the joystick up his (uu)(uu)(uu)
|
|
anus. Then he'd laugh like a moron
|
|
and the joystick would fall out of his butt.
|
|
And he'd say, "I jes' had a baby! A baby! A baby!"
|
|
It was a song he made up. Now I miss the joy and
|
|
laughter that Gary brought to us all.
|
|
I'm sorry I had to... had to... oh dear sweet God.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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|
|
FATSHIT GETS HIS ASS KICKED
|
|
by Fatshit
|
|
|
|
It's such a shame to lose one's vocation... in this case, my band. I
|
|
broke it up a few days ago because I was tired of working with A.) a metal-head
|
|
who couldn't play any riff that he hadn't heard Black Sabbath play already
|
|
B.) An overbearing dyke-type who wanted the band fucking NAMED AFTER HER... in
|
|
spite of the fact she was the newest member, and C.) A huge, surly drummer with
|
|
no ability or social skills.
|
|
|
|
So, this afternoon I brought us together for a post-break-up meeting about
|
|
equipment, songs, etc. Who got what. It quickly degenerated into an argument
|
|
and two of them ran down the stairs screaming at each other. Well, it was just
|
|
Bret (the drummer) and myself, so I told him goodbye and got ready to leave.
|
|
Not so fast... he had to pay rental fees on some stupid piece of equipment and
|
|
wanted me to pay half, since it had been my idea. I told him he could damn
|
|
well pay it himself with the gas money he'd save since without the band he
|
|
wouldn't be travelling anymore since he had no friends. I guess it was a
|
|
little excessive, because he said "That's it, motherfucker," and began
|
|
stripping off his leather jacket and chains. We bantered for a couple of
|
|
seconds and then he rushed me.
|
|
|
|
We took jabs at each other for a little while, but we couldn't circle
|
|
because we were in a hallway. I was already winded. He wasn't. It was
|
|
looking grim. I was watching his hands, blocking his shots, when I suddenly
|
|
felt the tree-trunk that was his calf against mine. "Balls!" I thought, and
|
|
clamped my knees. He flipped me down with one leg and was on top of me. Damn
|
|
martial arts shit! We struggled, and I finally got on top of him, and put him
|
|
in an ugly cross-face.
|
|
|
|
"You owe me that money, you fucker! I've been keeping track!"
|
|
|
|
"Keeping track? You couldn't keep track if you had to! You couldn't pass
|
|
the fucking math exam for Store 24, let alone keep track of debt."
|
|
|
|
Bret snarled, "I said I had problems with it, that's all, you... FUCKER!"
|
|
This last as he heaved me off him with muscle groups I hadn't known existed.
|
|
I landed my left squarely on his nose. Blood went everywhere. Nothing stops a
|
|
fight like a shot to the nose. Your eyes water, it stings like heck. I had
|
|
felt the cartilage go under my knuckles. End of story.
|
|
|
|
Nope! Not with Bret the non-human genetic freak gorilla person. He just
|
|
kept coming, stumbling. He hadn't done me the courtesy of removing all
|
|
jewelry, and his massive ugly pewter grim reaper ring dug in. Suddenly I was
|
|
looking at the ceiling. I hurt. When I came to, I saw that Bret had
|
|
considerately removed the ten dollar bill from my shirt pocket and left. For
|
|
good, I hoped. I retreated to my room, took a cool shower, and put some ice
|
|
on. I guess I was lucky... Bret could've killed me. I guess this really is it
|
|
for the band.
|
|
|
|
It depresses me... I think of Bret back in his shitty little dimly-lit
|
|
yellow kitchen, nursing his nose, probably blotting the blood with his shirt.
|
|
The idea that I inflicted that kind of pain on him makes me feel like shit. So
|
|
petty... I broke his nose for a lousy ten dollars. I grew up getting beaten
|
|
up, so I can take it, but I didn't grow up hurting people. That's not really a
|
|
piece of my composition. Still, the instincts seem more or less intact. It
|
|
was my father who taught me how to fight. Everyone in school hated me, and
|
|
picked on me. My father's solution was to teach me how to hurt them worse,
|
|
first. After I dreamed that I knocked someone under a truck and killed him I
|
|
became a pacifist, and stayed that way for a couple of years.
|
|
|
|
I haven't really given this enough thought before writing it, except to
|
|
conclude that I hate violence. I hate the queasy, sweaty-palmed sick
|
|
excitement that comes as I watch it, or participate in it. It's like eating
|
|
junk food... it may feel satisfying initially, I may hunger for it, but
|
|
ultimately it leaves me sick, and it makes me unhealthy. It's bad for me.
|
|
There's enough pain out there, in Bret's life, without me cracking his nose
|
|
over ten dollars. I feel like such a loser. Not only did I viciously insult
|
|
him, I broke his nose. I hurt him beyond the realm that he hurt me... that's
|
|
why he just took the money and left, because he didn't know how to react to my
|
|
snide remarks. I'd attacked him on a different plain, one he couldn't really
|
|
move on.
|
|
|
|
I fought dirty. I hate myself, I really do. I see myself in the mirror.
|
|
Seventeen still, only seventeen, but I look like a forty-year old construction
|
|
worker. Bags under my eyes, rapidly flushing bruises, stubble, chins, wild
|
|
blood-shot dilated eyes, the eyes of a rabid dog or baboon. My hair sticking
|
|
up, sideburns, lined face. Stained clothing that's a little too tight to be
|
|
flattering. I look like an asshole, and I am an asshole. Not human, not
|
|
dignified, not cerebral. I'm a lout, a thug. I'm a pervert, a brawler. I
|
|
have nothing to show for whatever means may have been available to me, nothing.
|
|
I am, at a base level, a fat piece of shit. I'm dawdling in this Gormenghast
|
|
of a college while life marches on. Make me fifty. Make me forty. Make me
|
|
thirty. I failed early, and hard. Why make me lie here face down for the
|
|
extra decade or so? I'm just going to do the same stupid young-person crap,
|
|
the same meaningless alternative coming-of-age rituals.
|
|
|
|
Oh, a band. Oh, I'll work in a deli. I'll drink, I'll do drugs. I'll be
|
|
introspective. I'll fight with everyone. I'll make plans and never follow
|
|
them up. I'll drive my car and have sex and go to clubs. It's so nice to be
|
|
young... whoopee. This fucking emotional busywork I get to contend with as a
|
|
teenager... a fucking teenager who plays in the big people's playground.
|
|
Treasure your worthless degrees, your empty jobs, your barren marriages.
|
|
Fuck you all for making it that far. Fuck you for being even outwardly
|
|
functional. If there was anyone in the actual world with whom I could
|
|
even have a decent conversation I'd be having it now. I don't even care what's
|
|
wrong with me any more.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
_The Cat in the Hat_ by Dr. Seuss, 61 pages. Beginner Books, $3.95.
|
|
Reviewed by Josh LeBeau
|
|
|
|
The Cat in the Hat is a hard-hitting novel of prose and poetry in which
|
|
the author re-examines the dynamic rhyming schemes and bold imagery of some of
|
|
his earlier works, most notably _Green Eggs and Ham_, _If I Ran the Zoo_, and
|
|
_Why Can't I Shower With Mommy?_ In this novel, Theodore Geisel, writing under
|
|
the pseudonym Dr. Seuss, pays homage to the great Dr. Sigmund Freud in a
|
|
nightmarish fantasy of a renegade feline helping two young children understand
|
|
their own frustrated sexuality.
|
|
|
|
The story opens with two youngsters, a brother and a sister, abandoned by
|
|
their mother, staring mournfully through the window of their single-family
|
|
dwelling. In the foreground, a large tree/phallic symbol dances wildly in the
|
|
wind, taunting the children and encouraging them to succumb to the sexual
|
|
yearnings they undoubtedly feel for each other. Even to the most unlearned
|
|
reader, the blatant references to the incestuous relationship the two share set
|
|
the tone for Seuss' probing examination of the satisfaction of primitive needs.
|
|
|
|
Soon, The Cat arrives and proceeds to charm the wary youths into engaging
|
|
in what he so innocently refers to as "tricks." At this point, the fish, an
|
|
obvious Christ figure who represents the prevailing Christian morality,
|
|
attempts to warn the children, and thus, in effect, warns all of humanity of
|
|
the dangers associated with the unleashing of the primal urges. In response to
|
|
this, the cat proceeds to balance the aquatic naysayer on the end of his
|
|
umbrella, essentially saying, "Down with morality; down with God!"
|
|
|
|
After poohpoohing the righteous rantings of the waterlogged Christ figure,
|
|
the Cat begins to juggle several icons of Western culture, most notably two
|
|
books, representing the Old and New Testaments, and a saucer of lactic fluid,
|
|
an ironic reference to maternal loss the two children experienced when their
|
|
mother abandoned them "for the afternoon." Our heroic Id adds to this bold
|
|
gesture a rake and a toy man, and thus completes the Oedipal triangle.
|
|
|
|
Later in the novel, Seuss introduces the proverbial Pandora's box, a large
|
|
red crate out of which the Id releases Thing One, or Freud's concept of Ego,
|
|
the division of the psyche that serves as the conscious mediator between the
|
|
person and reality, and Thing Two, the Superego which functions to reward and
|
|
punish through a system of moral attitudes, conscience, and guilt. Referring
|
|
to this box, the Cat says, "Now look at this trick. Take a look!" In this,
|
|
Dr. Seuss uses the children as a brilliant metaphor for the reader, and asks
|
|
the reader to re-examine his own inner self.
|
|
|
|
The children, unable to control the Id, Ego, and Superego allow these
|
|
creatures to run free and mess up the house, or more symbolically, control
|
|
their lives. This rampage continues until the fish, or Christ symbol, warns
|
|
that the mother is returning to reinstate the Oedipal triangle that existed
|
|
before her abandonment of the children. At this point, Seuss introduces a
|
|
many-armed cleaning device which represents the psychoanalytic couch, which
|
|
proceeds to put the two youngsters' lives back in order.
|
|
|
|
With powerful simplicity, clarity, and drama, Seuss reduces Freud's
|
|
concepts on the dynamics of the human psyche to an easily understood gesture.
|
|
Mr. Seuss' poetry and choice of words is equally impressive and serves as a
|
|
splendid counterpart to his bold symbolism. In all, his writing style is quick
|
|
and fluid, making _The Cat in the Hat_ impossible to put down. While this
|
|
novel is 61 pages in length, and one can read it in five minutes or less, it is
|
|
not until after multiple readings that the genius of this modern day master
|
|
becomes apparent.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
As for those of you who strike poses of hip aloofness with regard to the
|
|
deaths, maimings, and sufferings going on in the world today, you will only
|
|
have credibility when you visit comparable sufferings upon yourselves with the
|
|
same aloofness. But surely you won't because you do not have the courage to
|
|
carry your pose to its logical conclusion.
|
|
|
|
You are, ultimately, embittered losers whose emotional machinery fucked up
|
|
around the age of 12 or 13 and now you have to pretend to be adults. A
|
|
difficult job, so you reach for a 12 or 13 years old's dumbass idea of what
|
|
adult means - cold, unfeeling, bitter. At least you found the right place.
|
|
|
|
Brad Norton
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
SNOT NOSE by Mercury Vapor
|
|
|
|
I am a Kid.
|
|
I am the Kid who approaches the table where the grown ups are talking.
|
|
I wanna talk too, I know things, I see things, I got something to say.
|
|
No one listens, no one cares....
|
|
I make fart noises with my arm pits.
|
|
everyone listens, but no one cares.
|
|
I scream at the top of my lungs, everyone listens, everyone gets mad.
|
|
I jump up and down, screaming and yelling, "THERE IS A BOOGEY MAN IN MY
|
|
CLOSET AND I KICKED HIM IN THE BALLS!"
|
|
Everyone listens, and everyone spanks me for being bad. It hurts.
|
|
The grown ups don't love me, no one loves me, and I hurt all over in and
|
|
out. There is something inside me that wants to come out and everyone is
|
|
afraid. they will not help me beat it up. I will beat it up myself.
|
|
|
|
And then I will play with my army men, and when im real mad because no
|
|
one loves me, I will light them on fire with mommys matches. I will kill
|
|
them for not loving me. YYYYEEEEEOEOOOWWWW YYYEEEEOOOWOWWWWW blam
|
|
bLBAMBLAMBLSD BBBOBBBOOOMMM BBBOOOOOMM DIE DIE DIE DIEKIL KILL
|
|
DKKKILLL!!! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU ALL BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT LOVE ME!
|
|
I WILL KILL YOU FOR NOT LOVINGME! and then I will ride my skate board
|
|
back home and play with my GI Joe doll because he loves me.
|
|
I love you gi Joe.....
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
Ride That Social Engineerin' Train
|
|
by Scott Stephens
|
|
|
|
Confidence it the key. The call it a "confidence game" because you gain
|
|
the mark's confidence. Now you can only get someone else's confidence if you
|
|
are confident in yourself. The key to pulling off a good job of social
|
|
engineering is confidence that you can do it.
|
|
|
|
Conjure the illusion, and create the reality. Politicians, the pop media
|
|
and actors are experts. We must believe our illusion to play a convincing
|
|
role. A psychological study on persuasion was done; people were asked to place
|
|
an ugly, large billboard that read "Drive Safely" in their front yards. Of
|
|
course, all declined. Then another group, which had consented days before to
|
|
display small window stickers with the message "Keep California Beautiful" were
|
|
asked. Significantly more agreed. Why? These people's SELF IMAGE was
|
|
changed. This is a key concept in brainwashing. The small sticker helped them
|
|
feel good - like activists, like community servants. "Getting your foot in the
|
|
door" and "loss leaders" are what will get you sales. What happens though, to
|
|
Mr. Hacker, who begins deceiving and lying for selfish gain?
|
|
|
|
My point is, your actions will change you & modify your self image. Will
|
|
your ends justify your means, or will you deceive yourself? Are you a
|
|
sociopath? If you feel guilty, you become vulnerable to control. I hear AT&T
|
|
likes to hire phreaks. Maybe they don't let them forget where they've been.
|
|
The sleaze-ball who sells NLP to get laid values money more than trust, respect
|
|
& human dignity. At least a doctor making bio-weapons can think he's defending
|
|
freedom and country. Would you trust or want a friend like that? How would
|
|
you like to see that in the mirror? Would you like some more power, Mr. Faust?
|
|
|
|
The feds & Ma Bell spend millions on research and the best persuasion
|
|
psych's for their ads. The govt. sends their execs to NLP seminars and such, to
|
|
learn the most effective techniques to manipulate & control. They make me
|
|
nervous, having worked for some really nasty control fiends.
|
|
|
|
From what I've read, to get profound control - brainwash someone, you need
|
|
to modify their self image - the sense of self worth, values, and integrity.
|
|
The military does this with basic training, and many corporations do the same.
|
|
Religions convert people this way. The "newbie" is initiated by degradation,
|
|
humiliation, etc. and then re-created based on a system of seniority.
|
|
Individual abilities are not valued. The genius hacker is not valued by such
|
|
organizations, the brown-nose sycophant with the me-too T-shirt is. The
|
|
organization defines reality and worth, based on political priorities. One's
|
|
self image, integrity and values are vital to the individual, and must be
|
|
destroyed for an individual to be controlled. I wish I stayed in school 'till
|
|
I was 28.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
NUMBER by K. Tatroe
|
|
|
|
"She's single again. He treated her very poorly; she dumped him. She,
|
|
um, could probably use a friend right now." She glances unconsciously at the
|
|
telephone, and at the wall of numbers above it.
|
|
|
|
I'm between the lamp and the spackle. A shadow of Christ, long hair,
|
|
weary eyes, and a soothing, pained expression is cast. "No."
|
|
|
|
"She really..."
|
|
|
|
I cross the room, cautiously picking up a small, unmarked book on the way.
|
|
It is opened. Hand-crafted paper. Inside, an inscription: "Don't ever stop
|
|
writing; I really need you." I toss it at her...
|
|
|
|
...and she catches it, quietly, and reads the first entry. "Who's this?"
|
|
|
|
"Someone who really needed me. She killed herself recently." I dig a
|
|
fingernail into my palm - if it wasn't already marked with scars of a distant
|
|
pain, it would be now.
|
|
|
|
"That's horrible." She sits up against the headboard.
|
|
|
|
I feel a welling-up of blood. "She really needed me." I turn, suddenly.
|
|
She cowers a bit, and I am deeply and instantly ashamed; a tear wells. The
|
|
blood. The shadows grow short.
|
|
|
|
"But..."
|
|
|
|
I shake my head, quietly. "No. She needed me, but I couldn't be there,
|
|
because she didn't trust me. Not like you once trusted me."
|
|
|
|
"Still trust you," she corrects and smiles, reaching out a hand.
|
|
|
|
I take it, and sit on the floor, below her. After a moment: "What's her
|
|
number, again?"
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
BIG NUTTY PARADE STORY by Drunkfux
|
|
|
|
Get back to town and spend the night at my friend's house cause he lives
|
|
right next to the airport. Next morning, stupid Jesus ho knocks on the door
|
|
and hands out flyers for that afternoon's "Walking Towards The Lord"
|
|
extravaganza. It talks about a "parade for Jesus" and all this other crap and
|
|
in unison we all agree... "We're there!"
|
|
|
|
No surprise, my friends are punk as fuck, and one of them happens to be
|
|
the manager of a local art supply store. With a plethora of tools at our
|
|
disposal, we set forth on our mission of chaos.
|
|
|
|
We arrive and things are just starting to swing. There are literally
|
|
thousands of people on either side of the road, all of them total honky ass,
|
|
white suburbanite jesus lamers. Needless to say, we stood out like Don King at
|
|
a KKK rally and it didn't take long for people to start staring. We were all
|
|
already laughing our asses off with sheer ecstasy over our creations. Some
|
|
head church bitch, complete with name tag comes up and asks if we're from the
|
|
neighborhood. When my friend answers positively, she says, "I don't believe I
|
|
know you."
|
|
|
|
"You will." A few moments later, she was about 2 blocks away.
|
|
|
|
Parade starts. Everybody is now gayer than ever and starts cheering for
|
|
the Lord or whatever. First few minutes are completely lame, not even a tad
|
|
bit humorous. I was surprised because this is an annual event that typically
|
|
rakes in a couple of "well knowns." This year, the flyer mentioned Houston
|
|
Oilers and Astros players as well as a flurry of other local wanky rejects, but
|
|
for the first 10 minutes or so, we were quite unenthused.
|
|
|
|
After a few cars full of old people passed, we could see a marching band
|
|
approaching in the distance. As it got closer, we could read the banner
|
|
leading the way: "FIRST BAPTIST FAMILY BAND - STAYING AND PLAYING TOGETHER IN
|
|
THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST." It seemed to be comprised of kids aged 12 to 17 and
|
|
their parents. Way stupid. Some of the parents weren't even playing an
|
|
instrument, they were waving or blowing bubbles or trying to validate their
|
|
worthless existence by doing shit like holding the triangle while their
|
|
socially retarded kid banged on it. Truly pathetic. We figured now was the
|
|
time to display our artistic masterpieces.
|
|
|
|
Up came the signs.
|
|
|
|
As the marching band drew nearer to where we were (on top of a term box,
|
|
putting us a foot or two above the crowd), they were greeted with the usual
|
|
array of cheers and waves, but this time, they got something extra :
|
|
|
|
SATAN
|
|
IS
|
|
LORD!
|
|
|
|
JESUS
|
|
WAS A
|
|
HOMO!
|
|
|
|
NOAH'S ARK =
|
|
BESTIALITY
|
|
BOAT!
|
|
|
|
NOAH
|
|
FUCKED
|
|
MONKEYS!
|
|
|
|
cDc
|
|
WE'VE COME
|
|
FOR YOUR
|
|
CHILDREN
|
|
|
|
LORD SATAN
|
|
ROCKS
|
|
MY ASS!
|
|
|
|
KILL
|
|
WHITEY
|
|
|
|
GOD IS
|
|
GAY!
|
|
|
|
I think that was all of them. We had made about 4 signs, all on neon
|
|
yellow and green poster board, and painted on both sides. So, there we are, in
|
|
the middle of all these fuckheads, laughing hysterically while waving our signs
|
|
and shouting out whatever wonderful merriment came to mind. All this whilst
|
|
our friend Shawn hurled out delightful German sayings via his father's
|
|
megaphone. Most of the people were in complete and utter shock. Some people,
|
|
especially the teenage boys in the marching band, thought we were fucking
|
|
hilarious and couldn't control their laughter. A group of fashion-senseless
|
|
skaters came running up proclaiming how "awesome" and "fucking kick ass" we
|
|
were and started jumping up and down trying to blend in as part of our now
|
|
"rad" group. Most of the people around us quickly moved elsewhere.
|
|
|
|
We lasted a lot longer than I expected. I originally figured it wouldn't
|
|
take long for some of the macho parade watchers to fuck with us, but I believe
|
|
most everybody there was honestly scared to death of us and took it all way too
|
|
seriously. The whole megaphone thing probably helped seal that. I guess the
|
|
police finally showed up 10 minutes after we started our revelation. I thought
|
|
for sure we were either going to get the shit kicked out of us or get arrested,
|
|
but as the officers approached us (both male, one Hispanic and the other Black)
|
|
my friend looks at them and goes "Yeah! Yeah! Right on, brothers!" and
|
|
proceeds to jump up and down with the "KILL WHITEY" sign proudly displayed.
|
|
They both almost died laughing and after a trip to the side of the building and
|
|
a brief talking to, we were told to "go far away" for a few hours. It's worth
|
|
mentioning that the crowd cheered when the police walked us away from the
|
|
parade because the police left before we did and we had to walk through the
|
|
parade watchers in order to get to the car, signs and slogans held high with
|
|
shouts of victory and German death calls to boot.
|
|
|
|
Yeah, it pretty much rocked, to say the least. It has become quite
|
|
difficult to remember the last time I laughed so hard that I had severe chest
|
|
pains for almost a week. In a last ditch effort to annoy society, we decided
|
|
to make our exit by driving through the parade route, signs out the windows and
|
|
megaphone on 11.
|
|
|
|
The lame part was we got absolutely NO press coverage out of this. The
|
|
douchebag cameraman from our local ABC station thought we ruled but wouldn't
|
|
film us. The local station that taped and then aired the parade did a
|
|
wonderful job of keeping us out of the final product. If I could have paid
|
|
someone to film us, I would have because I probably could have sold a billion
|
|
copies of the footage.
|
|
|
|
It was a decent way to kill a few hours on a Saturday afternoon at least.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
"Being Big"
|
|
by Julie Lawrence
|
|
|
|
when i am small and lost, then the world is huge.
|
|
it looms over me, huge and omnipotent, can tell me
|
|
who i am, who i should be and what i should be doing.
|
|
|
|
when i am big, i am the great director, the kind that
|
|
is so good at what she does that she doesn't have to
|
|
speak or ask or push, she only *knows* and it is so.
|
|
|
|
i go from big to small, small to big daily. the world
|
|
changes. no-one has yet acknowledged my godhood, my
|
|
ability to change everything in the blink of an eye,
|
|
the firing of a synapse, but they will, they will.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
LET'S TALK ABOUT DEATH with Doc
|
|
|
|
About the only thing I can reflect on that I learned in medical school
|
|
other than technical information, was that everyone dies, and that it is
|
|
unpredictable and that it is most often preceded by a period of tremendous
|
|
suffering. I am sure that no one wants to hear this. It is most inconceivable
|
|
for the Generation X'ers in cDc-land. That is why, of course, that when the
|
|
government wants to fight a war, that 18 and 19 year olds are drafted; they
|
|
don't believe in their own mortality. Older people generally don't as well,
|
|
but they at least admit the possibility in public, although, secretly, to
|
|
themselves, they deny it.
|
|
|
|
The first man I saw die was a black man who was admitted to the hospital
|
|
with stomach pain. X-rays showed a bowel obstruction. He was 44 years old and
|
|
unemployed. He wore a cap over his Afro and had an Orioles Jersey on when he
|
|
was admitted. We took him to the operating room and opened him up and he had
|
|
cancer all through his abdominal cavity. There was nothing to do but a
|
|
colostomy, to bypass the obstruction. After that, he was MY patient. As his
|
|
case was hopeless, the Chief Resident, the Attending, and everyone else, wanted
|
|
nothing to do with him. I didn't understand it at the time, but the reason
|
|
they didn't want anything to do with him was that it reminded them of their
|
|
helplessness, their impotence against the big C and the big D. (Cancer and
|
|
Death)
|
|
|
|
As time went by he lost weight rapidly. The cancer began to eat through
|
|
his abdominal wall and fistulas formed everywhere. I applied adhesive strips
|
|
and hung more stool bags to catch the drainage. He got weaker and weaker and
|
|
couldn't get out of bed. He was being fed through a tube. His mind was clear
|
|
through most of this and he used to ask me, "What is going to happen to me?"
|
|
As a sophomore medical student, I had no idea how to answer. They don't give
|
|
classes in such things, as no one else knows how to answer either. I would
|
|
draw his blood, and assure him that I would let him know the results of today's
|
|
tests.
|
|
|
|
"Hopefully, these things will heal up," I improvised.
|
|
|
|
After about 5 weeks of this, I was elated to find that when I went in to
|
|
talk to my patient, he was delirious. He made no sense, and didn't know who I
|
|
was. I felt relief as I had never known. After a few days, his heart stopped.
|
|
They tried to resuscitate him, but thank God they were unsuccessful.
|
|
|
|
This memory is as clear after 15 years as it would be if it happened
|
|
yesterday. And I still don't understand anything more about death, other than
|
|
my turn will come. And knowing that, how should I be spending my time?
|
|
Doc
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
D I C K A N D J A N E
|
|
I N S T I G A T E
|
|
A P O P U L A R R E V O L U T I O N
|
|
|
|
by: The Deth Vegetable
|
|
and
|
|
Iskra
|
|
|
|
See Dick. Dick is a peasant farmer!
|
|
See Jane. Jane is a peasant farmer too!
|
|
|
|
See Dick & Jane grow the food for the masses!
|
|
Plant, Dick!
|
|
Plant, Jane!
|
|
|
|
See Spot. Spot is the aggressive, imperialistic fascist dictator of the
|
|
country!
|
|
Terrorize, Spot, Terrorize!
|
|
|
|
See Spot oppress the peasants and steal their food!
|
|
Oppress, Spot, Oppress!
|
|
Steal, Spot, Steal!
|
|
|
|
See the peasant babies starve!
|
|
Starve, babies, starve!
|
|
|
|
See Dick & Jane get fed up and rebel!
|
|
Rebel, Dick!
|
|
Rebel, Jane!
|
|
|
|
See Dick publish a pamphlet to educate the masses!
|
|
Publish, Dick, Publish!
|
|
|
|
See Jane form a revolutionary committee!
|
|
Organize, Jane, Organize!
|
|
|
|
See Dick & Jane burn their flag!
|
|
Burn, Baby, Burn!
|
|
|
|
See Spot notice the disruption and attempt to stop it!
|
|
Oppress, Spot, Oppress!
|
|
|
|
See Spot form Death Squads to stop the rebels!
|
|
Kill, Spot, Kill!
|
|
|
|
See Spot's Secret Police raid Jane's house and capture her!
|
|
Raid, Gestapo, Raid!
|
|
|
|
See Jane be tried and executed as a traitor!
|
|
Hang, Jane, Hang!
|
|
|
|
See Jane become a martyr to the cause!
|
|
Inspire, Jane, Inspire!
|
|
|
|
See the Proletariat rise up against the Bourgeoisie swine!
|
|
Revolt, Workers, revolt!
|
|
|
|
See the angry masses storm the place and capture Spot!
|
|
Storm, Peasants, Storm!
|
|
|
|
See Spot as the first one up against the wall!
|
|
Die, Spot, Die!
|
|
|
|
See Spot left for dead!
|
|
Bleed, Spot, Bleed!
|
|
|
|
See Spot's body dumped in a ditch!
|
|
Defile, Dick, Defile!
|
|
|
|
See Dick help set up a fair system!
|
|
Rule by the people, Proletariat, Rule by the people!
|
|
|
|
See the Proletariat live happily ever after!
|
|
Prosper, Workers, Prosper!
|
|
|
|
The end, yay.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
STUFF IN MY POCKET by Swamp Ratte
|
|
|
|
Last time I was in Austin being elite and stuff at HoHoCon, I purchased a
|
|
small lump of glass from a toy store. A malformed marble. It's pretty and I'm
|
|
intending to keep it in my pocket from now on.
|
|
|
|
Dunno whether it should go on the left, with my paper-towels-for-snot-
|
|
and-earplugs; or the right, with my keys-and-change-and-knife. Probably the
|
|
left, it's less crowded.
|
|
|
|
Then I can take it out of my pocket and look at it sometimes and see that
|
|
it's pretty and imagine that it's pretty all the way through too, in the parts
|
|
you can't see at the surface.
|
|
|
|
This will matter.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
THEN LET'S TALK ABOUT PUNK ROCK with Bob Conrad!
|
|
|
|
The reason punk was/is so ripe for commodification is because it lacked an
|
|
adequate critique of capitalism. Instead of, first of all, possessing a clear
|
|
understanding of capitalism's less-pleasing features, punk rock actually
|
|
emphasized utilizing an archaic aspect of capitalism under the guise of D.I.Y.
|
|
- that of entrepreneurship. What inevitably happened is many found punk
|
|
pleasing, either because of the fashion, or the music, or maybe even the ideas
|
|
surrounding punk, and punk became more and more of a commodity. When that
|
|
happens, despite $3 7-inch single prices, profit is made.
|
|
|
|
Punks don't know how to deal with profit. Punk's low-level awareness of
|
|
how capitalism works, and utilizing a primitive aspect of capitalism, despite
|
|
erroneously dressing the two up as polar opposites, provided results that got
|
|
punk panties in a bunch. The shit hit the fan, and eventually, the media and
|
|
conglomerate corporations tuned in, turned on, and bought out.
|
|
|
|
I think you can see where this is leading. In many ways, it's the reason
|
|
D.I.Y. has been bullshit from day one. Applying dullard logic to things taken
|
|
soooo seriously will always give you Nirvana and _Spin_ and Green Day. What's
|
|
next? Hell if I know. I DO know I'm having a good laugh every time I see a
|
|
mobile distributor/do-gooder punk kid who thinks he's carrying a revolution on
|
|
his shoulders.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
the drive by... mary szmagaj
|
|
|
|
Driver:
|
|
|
|
why did you beep?
|
|
perhaps you mistook me for an acquaintance of yours
|
|
someone named 'baby'
|
|
someone with whom you are on intimate enough terms
|
|
to publicly inquire after her genitalia.
|
|
perhaps
|
|
there has been
|
|
some mistake.
|
|
i am not she.
|
|
if you thought otherwise
|
|
then i owe you an apology
|
|
for the manner in which i replied.
|
|
so sorry if it seemed excessive
|
|
but the grenade launcher
|
|
was all i had.
|
|
|
|
Pedestrian
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
GOOD GRIEF by Mike DeLong
|
|
|
|
In the house in the hollow in place of ordinary coffee table books my aunt
|
|
had two big volumes of Peanuts cartoons. When I was six the kids in Peanuts
|
|
were my age, and they taught me everything I needed to know but didn't learn in
|
|
school - tantrums, melancholy, and intentional precocity.
|
|
|
|
They also prepared me for a life of mediocrity and failure and loss,
|
|
afraid to fly a kite or carry anything precious to me in plain sight (lest it
|
|
be grabbed by some unseen dog), gender-confused and willing to take a number
|
|
for a name. I probably took Peanuts much too seriously. But I was six, and an
|
|
Extremely Innocent Boy.
|
|
|
|
But like all sources of great wisdom, Peanuts left me with single words
|
|
and short phrases that even when torn from their moorings and let loose in an
|
|
open sea of nonsense took me into new harbors of grace, or glory, or utter
|
|
confusion.
|
|
|
|
My favorite strip for many years features Linus and his new watch. For
|
|
several panels he walks along swinging it freely, saying to himself "New Watch
|
|
New Watch New Watch" over and over. He shows the watch to Snoopy, who being a
|
|
Dog of Action slurps it. Linus is distraught, because he's Linus, and can't be
|
|
anything else. He runs off to try to do something about his now-ruined watch,
|
|
and we're left looking at Snoopy, who says: "I thought it would be rude not to
|
|
taste it."
|
|
|
|
This one phrase served me well for years, as I fought to be a little less
|
|
like Linus and a little more like Snoopy - that the best intentions, properly
|
|
explained, were enough to placate most people, regardless of how disastrous the
|
|
results. Unfortunately I also took to saying this phrase much too often - I
|
|
tended to say it whenever I was presented with something good, or fragile, or
|
|
nice.
|
|
|
|
And so one day when I was 10, waiting around before Little League
|
|
practice, our new shortstop arrived with her mother. One of the other boys, a
|
|
long-legged outfielder named Roger, asked me what I thought of her. I
|
|
struggled to say she was pretty, and did so through what I considered a
|
|
euphemism: "I think it would be a shame not to taste her."
|
|
|
|
I've never been a good judge of earshot, and this day my euphemism yielded
|
|
new wisdom, eventually. After a vague but angry lecture.
|
|
|
|
And then one day Someone Smarter Than Me explained that what Charles
|
|
Schulz Really Meant was just a play on the Timex slogan, "It takes a licking
|
|
and keeps on ticking."
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
Suddenly prosperous? In a new relationship? Maybe cDc is responsible!
|
|
Discover a cancerous tumor on your penis? Could be cDc's fault! Sudden
|
|
tectonic plate shifting? You know the reason! Tell the world! Write to
|
|
sratte@phantom.com.
|
|
|
|
QUESTION: WHAT DOES cDc MEAN TO YOU?
|
|
|
|
To get started, here's a good quote from Video Vindicator:
|
|
|
|
"Being on the road as I am, I am always short of good clean k-rad
|
|
entertainment. cDc has opened a whole new world of hype to me and fulfilled
|
|
this shortage. I feel much more interconnected with HIM, the Dead Cow.
|
|
cDc, I owe you my life."
|
|
9/21/91 2:40am CST
|
|
|
|
Subj : Re: #200
|
|
From : The Chief (#399)
|
|
Date : 12/17/91 04:10:48 AM
|
|
|
|
cDc means a great board (DRU) with a somewhat bad LD line to me.
|
|
cDc was one of the first groups I heard about back in Sweden along
|
|
with The Syndicate Report and The Convent BBS. These three things
|
|
made me call the U.S. only to get more of those nifty cDc files,
|
|
and to join what seemed to be a great underground community which
|
|
we didn't have in Sweden. cDc stands for amusing and great info.
|
|
|
|
The Chief[uXu]
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
G.A. ELLSWORTH AND SWAMP RATTE' HAVE A CONVERSATION
|
|
|
|
11/27/91 11:08pm CST
|
|
|
|
G.A.: "Thanksgiving? Ha! I don't celebrate shit. Except my birthday.
|
|
Which you missed."
|
|
|
|
S. Ratte': "Say 'motherfucker', Matt! 'Motherfucker!'"
|
|
|
|
G.A.: "I think I'm going through another anal stage. I eat a lot of rice
|
|
and beans. Why don't you stuff down a buncha raw hot dogs!"
|
|
|
|
S. Ratte': "Uncooked!"
|
|
|
|
G.A.: "That's what raw means," said Matt dryly.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
"Moments" by Julie Lawrence
|
|
|
|
when i grin stupidly at someone in the street, just because they
|
|
look so *real*, and they grin back before they have time to think,
|
|
before they have time to conceal and protect and evade.
|
|
|
|
then they look away, embarrassed, caught naked, afraid, and i am
|
|
reminded of the things i try to forget.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
THE 7-11 ATM/BIG GULP HACK FAQ!
|
|
by Joe VanDeventer
|
|
|
|
All right, I tried this hack a bunch of times and I thought all of you
|
|
might like it, so I thought: "I'll write a FAQ" so here it is.
|
|
|
|
I: WHAT IS THE HACK?
|
|
II: HOW DO I DO IT?
|
|
III: WHAT DO I GET FROM IT?
|
|
IIII: WHAT CAN GO WRONG?
|
|
IIIII: WHAT ARE THE LEGAL PROBLEMS IF I GET CAUGHT?
|
|
6: WHO ELSE HAS DONE THIS?
|
|
7: CLOSING STUFF
|
|
|
|
I: WHAT IS THE HACK?
|
|
All right, my friend hack3rking at aol wrote this, so I think I'll just
|
|
quote him so he gets some recognition because he's really cool and when I
|
|
get the award for being like greatest hacker in the world because of this
|
|
FAQ, I don't want him to get left out. So okay heres what he said:
|
|
|
|
IGo to ANY 7-11 with an ATM and take out 20 dollars from you'r account!!!!
|
|
Withdraw the money and then TAKE THE COUPON FOR A BIG GULP DRINK!!!!
|
|
Do this again!!!! Do this as many times ad you wanted!!!! It never
|
|
stops working!!! Then now here is the kicker!!!! Go to deposit what you
|
|
withdrawled
|
|
back into you'r BANK ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
THEN YOU HAVE FREE!!!!!!!!!!! BIG GULP
|
|
DRINKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
DO what you WANT with them!!!! CASH THEM IN OR IF YOU KNOW A
|
|
FRIEND THAT WOULD BUY THEM SELL THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
II: HOW DO I DO IT?
|
|
I guess I already said that in part I so I guess I won't bother you or
|
|
nothing by saying it again.
|
|
|
|
III: WHAT DO I GET FROM IT?
|
|
I guess I also already said that in part I so I wont say that again too.
|
|
Except that sometimes people spit on me when I try to sell them the Big
|
|
Gulp.
|
|
|
|
IIII: WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
|
|
Ive had lotsa things go wrong when I try this hack but I guess thats part
|
|
of being an elet hacker. I already said one of them in part III, I'm real
|
|
sorry. Also one time I tried taking out 20 at a time from the machine and
|
|
when I took all the cupons up to the counter the 7-11 guy said: "What the
|
|
hell are you doing?" and then he beat the shit out of me. When I woke up
|
|
I didn't have any of the money or the cupons and I wasnt even inside the
|
|
7-11. I was like somewhere else and my clothes were gone. So I guess you
|
|
shouldnt do a whole lot at once. Plus for a while I kept spilling them on
|
|
my pants (Yes I made a post about that before) and when I whiped it up I
|
|
accidentally used my 20 Bill and the money got wet and turned all Orange
|
|
and the guy behind the counter laughed at me and said: "You little pussy"
|
|
so I guess you should hold on really tight and not drop it.
|
|
|
|
IIIII: WHAT IS THE LEGAL STUFF?
|
|
I dont know, the only time I saw a cop while I was doing this was when he
|
|
found me out in the country without any clothes, and he said: "Whats
|
|
wrong with you son?" and then I told him and he lafed and left. But I
|
|
gues if the bank found out about it theyd be pretty angry and maybe take
|
|
all the moneys out of your account or something, so when you go put the
|
|
money back in the bank dont tell them about the scam. I think the bank
|
|
almost caugt me once because I told the bank teler and she looked at me
|
|
all werd and came up to somone else and whispered something to them and
|
|
they both started laughing I think because they were thinking about what
|
|
they were gonna do to my acount. But nothing ever hapened so I gues I was
|
|
luky.
|
|
|
|
6: WHO ELSE IS DOING THIS HACK?
|
|
I dont realy know who else but this got on Internet so I guess a bunch of
|
|
people are doin it and screwin the banks real bad because theres like 20
|
|
million people. I even seen like 2 people that are not me or hack3rking
|
|
making posts about how its not free because the bank makes you pay like a
|
|
dollar or somethin but I dont see why they say that because the big gulp
|
|
is free. There is a cupon! But I know anyway that like my little sister
|
|
did it and also this guy at my school who I told it to and he said it was
|
|
Cool.
|
|
|
|
7: CLOSING STUFF
|
|
Id like to thank hack3rking for giving me like the idea to write this. It
|
|
was a cool idea and I hope you guys give him credit too. But mainly give
|
|
me credit because I wrote this FAQ and now you guys can go out and like
|
|
make tons of money selling hot Big Gulps. I mean hot like illegal not
|
|
like warm or nothing. I havent made a whole lots of money yet but I know
|
|
I will becuase Im getting all these Big Gulps for free. I dont want no
|
|
parades or nothing just like maybe some where's or secret codes to get on
|
|
other computers. I guess Ill end it here now.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
MISANGLOPHILIA
|
|
by Reid Fleming
|
|
|
|
Misanglophilia Explained
|
|
|
|
An anglophile is someone who is friendly to or likes England or English
|
|
customs, institutions, etc. Therefore, the misanglophile hates people who
|
|
pretend to be British, express or maintain royalist sympathies, or insist upon
|
|
British spelling and pronunciation. Deserving of special scorn are the
|
|
American anglophiles.
|
|
|
|
While the misanglophile hates the faux British, he is not to be
|
|
misidentified as an anglophobe (one fears or hates British customs,
|
|
institutions, etc). One can harbor no ill will whatsoever toward the British
|
|
people while at the same time nurture an overwhelming hatred of those who feign
|
|
British characteristics.
|
|
|
|
You Might Be An Anglophile If...
|
|
|
|
* you pretend to misunderstand American idioms.
|
|
|
|
* you insist upon drinking beer at room temperature, even Coors.
|
|
|
|
* you have stacks of famous English literature but can't recall the
|
|
plots, characters, or authors of any of the books when pressed.
|
|
|
|
* you watch PBS just to work on your British pronunciations.
|
|
|
|
* you were in a lot of high school plays.
|
|
|
|
* you're in a punk band from California and sing with an English accent.
|
|
|
|
* you're a pretentious jerk.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
SWAMP RATTE' GOES OFF on a tangent to outer space:
|
|
|
|
what is it about this modem/computer stuff that attracts fucked-up, lecherous
|
|
asshole guys. and butt-blind naive females that can't figure this stuff out.
|
|
|
|
>>THWACK!!<< BRICK TO THE HEAD! OPEN THEM EYES!
|
|
people are couch/computer potatoes 'cause they're too lame to do anything for
|
|
"real". bored and lonely, fuckin' ugly, it's the ready-made clique for
|
|
shitheads and obnoxious geeks and loser freaks. no chin, woulda done yerself
|
|
in if you could just find the energy. but it's so much easier to sit hunched
|
|
over in that chair. years and years and face and belly get rounder, hair
|
|
greasier as showers grow less and less frequent. "it'd be so rad to find a
|
|
chick who knows UNIX to fuck, huh?" the geek wet dream. female handle hey
|
|
baby i'm a little heavy but it's a lot of muscle hey let's meet on the MUSH
|
|
you like every geek cliche i do hey yeah let's fuck and eat twinkies and
|
|
watch anime and roleplay and fuck and toke and we can talk about star trek
|
|
yeah be my pudgy pale geek bitch. yeah baby i know nobody understood me
|
|
either in school, people are so fake, huh? yeah but i understand you
|
|
yeah yeah eat a twinkie don't forget your towel huh huh i'm witty yeah.
|
|
you like the Pumpkins? woah, me too, they're my favorite band. no, wait,
|
|
i used to like 'em 'till they sold out. but i like their old stuff, i
|
|
agree with everything you say. be my pudgy pale geek bitch."
|
|
|
|
FUCK YOU. GODDAMNIT. I CANNOT BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I HATE...
|
|
I *KNOW* YOU. I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR KIND IN EVERY INTIMATE
|
|
EXCRUCIATINGLY STINKY AMOUNT OF DETAIL THERE IS AND I LOATHE EVERY BIT
|
|
OF IT. I HOPE THERE'S A HELL SO I CAN SPEND THE REST OF MY USELESS DAYS
|
|
DAYDREAMING OF YOU SUFFERING IN IT. IN MY WILDEST FANTASIES, I WOULD BE
|
|
SURROUNDED BY NOTHING BUT THE MOST WELL-BALANCED, EMOTIONALLY STABLE
|
|
PEOPLE POSSIBLE AND EVERYONE ELSE WOULD BE INSTANTLY DECAPITATED, TO MY
|
|
GREAT GLEE.
|
|
|
|
S. Ratte'/cDc
|
|
|
|
From: Bigfoot
|
|
Re: your rant
|
|
|
|
Hear, hear!
|
|
I've been involved in computers for almost 22 years, and I'm so thoroughly
|
|
disgusted with the people I've "met" electronically that I'm about ready to
|
|
throw away my modem. It seems that our society has made a means (a computer)
|
|
into an end unto itself. So what if we're "connected" world wide? What does
|
|
this connection give us, and what is it costing us in other areas of life. I
|
|
think the Internet mania that is going on right now is just another
|
|
manifestation of a society that is so narcissistic that its individuals refuse
|
|
to operate beyond their own selves; that the Internet has replaced television
|
|
as a mostly passive means of entertainment.
|
|
...no need to reply to this message, I'm just echoing your own voice.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
THE MEANING OF "K"
|
|
by Mini Appler
|
|
|
|
I'm one of the original 4 Midwest Pirates Guild members. MPG was one of
|
|
the first pirate groups, based around the Apple ][. We started the K-craze in
|
|
1982.
|
|
|
|
No, it didn't come from K as in Kilobytes. The "K" concept originated
|
|
from our style of saying "Okay, bye" on the phone. One late night in a
|
|
hurry to hack the latest ware before anyone else did, we hung up with a
|
|
"k-bye". It just happened, without thinking. It sounded cool.
|
|
|
|
We hung out, ate pizza, cracked warez. I believe Sinbad (one of the 4)
|
|
was the first to go "k-cool dude." It sounded cool and from there, we all
|
|
went nuts. For months it was K-this, K-that... we made ourselves sick.
|
|
Eventually we settled down to our original K-cool & K-bye.
|
|
|
|
We had several BBSs. The most popular and well known was the Safehouse.
|
|
It wasn't surprising how it spread. We had over 10,000 users on our systems
|
|
combined and habitually wrote "kbye" and "k-cool" on our messages. Heck, I
|
|
think we even put it on a few crack screen title pages.
|
|
|
|
Anyway, for what it's worth, that's how it started.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
#43 - KING OF THE STOCK CAR RACERS: IN CELEBRATION OF RICHARD PETTY
|
|
by Swamp Ratte' and Froint
|
|
|
|
When I'm posed with a quandary and don't know what to do, I think about
|
|
how Richard Petty would act in a situation like this. Does Richard Petty,
|
|
NASCAR king, drool on himself and yell at invisible chickens who peck
|
|
persistently at their anuses? The answer is a resounding "NO!" and I like to
|
|
think that I'm wise enough to follow a good example. A good example from a
|
|
great man.
|
|
|
|
You saw Mr. Petty there resplendent in his blue and red #43 tearing it up
|
|
at Talladega and you knew that _there_ was a leader. There's a guy who had it
|
|
together. And now that he's retired from racing, he's fully involved with
|
|
managing his racing team and coaching his son at the sport he gave so much to
|
|
and loves so dearly.
|
|
|
|
So with that in mind, I'd like to introduce this poem by Froint about our
|
|
subject. I hope you enjoy it.
|
|
-Swamp Ratte'
|
|
|
|
"A Petty Man in a Petty World" by Froint
|
|
|
|
A world lost in turmoil and thunder
|
|
Of roaring fuel, crowds, and crew.
|
|
Fire forged feet forced to floorboards,
|
|
Leaving others in woozing wonder
|
|
That a walking human emerges to the hoards.
|
|
|
|
Stripped of gear, dawning trademark
|
|
Cowboy hat, sunglasses; a link between two
|
|
Views of the world, old and new.
|
|
|
|
Oh, how I long to belong in this zoo,
|
|
To be such a Petty man in this petty glue
|
|
I find myself wading through spring mornings
|
|
Where nature grows at my feet
|
|
Enjoyed by too few . . .including myself.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
Ok, there are like these two chicks, right. And they like look good and stuff.
|
|
And one day they're like walking and stuff and they run into this chick or
|
|
something. The three chicks don't know what to do so one of them says, "Let's
|
|
like, go fishing and stuff!" The others were like pissed at her because they
|
|
didn't know how to fish so they almost kicked her ass. The next one said,
|
|
"Let's go to the merry-go-round!!!" and ran into a wall as fast as she could
|
|
and fell down some stairs and into some people. The third like said, "Let's
|
|
like, eat each other till the cows come home or something." The other said,
|
|
"Then what?" She continued "Then we do it with the cows." So off they went to
|
|
a motel and like did the lezbo thang. Then, suddenly, a door bell rang. One
|
|
chick said,"I'll get it!" And got up and asked, "Who is it?" "MOOOO!!" answered
|
|
the mysterious stranger. The chick like opened the door and it was all these
|
|
cows there or something. So they like did the cows.
|
|
|
|
The End
|
|
Confussion?
|
|
Depressed?
|
|
Questions?
|
|
Comments?
|
|
Email me on America Online
|
|
Doug7d6ab@aol.com
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
"Mr.T: A Man of Wealth and Influence"
|
|
by THE NIGHTSTALKER
|
|
|
|
I have here the forth issue of MacWorld magazine from 1984. Inside is an
|
|
article on the original ImageWriter printer. On page 77, we see a photograph
|
|
of Own Densmore at Apple HQ. On his desktops are two Lisas, a 128k Mac, and an
|
|
ImageWriter.
|
|
|
|
On a shelf above all this is an A-Team TV dinner tray, bearing the sacred
|
|
image of Mr.T, flexing his mighty muscles and conferring his benediction to the
|
|
Macintosh. The rim of the tray is decorated with the image of a thick gold
|
|
chain, the very ICON of Mr.T!
|
|
|
|
I think we all can judge from this where Mr.T stands on the Windows vs.
|
|
Macintosh debate!
|
|
|
|
By the way, Mr. Densmore wrote the printer routines for both the Lisa and
|
|
Mac, as well as having a hand in the design of the ImageWriter. (Inspired, no
|
|
doubt, by Mr.T himself!)
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
A BOOK REVIEW: _The Psychodynamic Perspective_ by Erdelyi and Goldberg, 1979.
|
|
|
|
The authors examine paranoia:
|
|
|
|
"This patient continually rails against homosexuals, whom he detests with
|
|
a violent passion. After a brief, unsuccessful marriage, followed by
|
|
impotence, he began to experience delusions of persecution, according to which
|
|
the CIA and the FBI were continually observing him with the intention of
|
|
getting him to submit to the sexual advances of Richard Nixon. He gave up all
|
|
attempts at heterosexual sex, because he "would not make love in public," i.e.,
|
|
in front of lurking agents. He soon came to understand also that his impotence
|
|
has been imposed on him, via laser rays, by Nixon's agents. Satellites
|
|
specifically sent up for this purpose began to bombard him with homosexual
|
|
messages. Finally he constructed a special protective hat fitted with a highly
|
|
complex electrical jamming device. He wore this hat continually, at home and
|
|
in public places, including restaurants and work (he was soon dismissed). Even
|
|
so, the messages that he should submit to Nixon increased in intensity and
|
|
began to "penetrate" at times. Around this period he took all his jackets to a
|
|
tailor and had the tailor sew up the slits (or flaps) in the back of the
|
|
jackets. He implored all his male acquaintances to do likewise, lest they be
|
|
taken for "slot-jacket ass panderers." He deplored tight dungarees because
|
|
they revealed the buttocks too openly and therefore constituted a disgraceful
|
|
invitation to sodomy. He complained that the CIA was spreading rumors that he
|
|
was a homosexual, indeed, they had contrived to find a "double" for himself and
|
|
a friend and photographed them, the doubles, in "disgusting" homosexual acts,
|
|
all for the purpose of blackmail, so that he might submit to the homosexual
|
|
importunings of the "anarcho-communist sodomite" Gerald Ford, who, as he now
|
|
came to realize, was really "behind" the conspiracy (Nixon, it now turned out
|
|
was just a "front"). Ford he believed, succeeded in having his landlord evict
|
|
him from his apartment, so that he would be forced to live in the local YMCA
|
|
among "faggots." This was meant to be a softening up tactic."
|
|
|
|
It's a really great book. You should run out and buy it.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
HAIKU: DUMB PENIS
|
|
by Swamp Ratte'
|
|
|
|
my penis is dumb
|
|
it cannot think at all, no
|
|
unemployable
|
|
|
|
the virgin mary takes the form of an australian pop singer who starred in
|
|
_grease_ and many other movies opposite john travolta. and she's my real
|
|
mother. spirituality is funny like that sometimes. olivia newton-john...
|
|
catch the excitement!
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
TELE-MANIFESTO by Ron Strelecki
|
|
|
|
I learned a valuable lesson as a youngin'.
|
|
|
|
I was o'er my granpappy's house one day and the phone rang... and rang...
|
|
and rang. I said, "Ain't ye gonna git the phone granpap?"
|
|
|
|
He said, "Naw, if it was important they wouldn't be calling."
|
|
|
|
The phone USED to be considered a convenient sort of a luxury (is this not
|
|
all self apparent?) Now I'll be over at a friends place and we'll be talking
|
|
and the phone will ring and they'll grunt and say, "Damnit! Who the hell is
|
|
calling me?" and pick up the phone and talk to them.
|
|
|
|
THERE AIN'T NO DAMN LAW THAT SAYS YOU HAVE TO PICK UP THE PHONE!
|
|
|
|
YET!
|
|
|
|
Answering machines are nice but the real god awful THREAT to the future of
|
|
our sanity is cellular phones and beepers. Find someone who has a beeper -
|
|
they are invariably one of two types:
|
|
|
|
1) Pathetically needy people who feel that they ALWAYS need to be in
|
|
contact with someone EVERY moment of the day.
|
|
|
|
or more commonly:
|
|
|
|
2) They got it from work and without thinking accepted it. Accepting a
|
|
beeper is tantamount to saying "I am your SLAVE twenty four hours a day."
|
|
|
|
The only good use I can think of for a beeper is to get one that buzzes
|
|
until you push a button and give it as a gift to your girlfriend - but only if
|
|
she agrees to wear it in her underwear. Then anytime day or night you can "get
|
|
into contact" with her. Now THAT is a friendly reminder to show how much you
|
|
care. It also is perilously close to the enslavement line - which proves my
|
|
point - BEEPERS ARE GOOD FOR NOTHING! If your boss says "Hey buddy, hey pal!
|
|
I got a present for you," and hands you a beeper be real modest and say, "Oh,
|
|
no you are too wonderful. I couldn't possibly accept this - no thank you."
|
|
|
|
Reminds of that AT&T commercial where the guy in the trench coat is
|
|
overlooking a mountain vista and the voice over says, "Did you ever have a
|
|
phone on your wrist?" Then the phone beeps and the guy answers IMMEDIATELY and
|
|
his loving spouse says, "How you doin' honey?"
|
|
|
|
A more realistic version:
|
|
|
|
Man is sitting down to a delicious meal with his family.
|
|
|
|
Voice Over: "Did you ever have a manacle on your wrist?"
|
|
|
|
Phone beeps - man answers
|
|
|
|
Voice on phone: "Johnson! Get yer ass in here, I need someone to wipe the
|
|
doggy-doo-doo off of my shoes! Oh and I can see over your wrist video phone
|
|
there that you are having a delicious Thanksgiving dinner - BRING ME THAT
|
|
GOLDEN DELICIOUS TURKEY OR YOU ARE FIRED!"
|
|
|
|
Man: "But sir!?! It's Thanksgiving!"
|
|
|
|
Voice: "That's it, YOU'RE FIRED! Report for castration immediately! The
|
|
authorities are coming to put your lovely wife and children into the Corporate
|
|
Sex Farm. In fact, I'm going to put a bid in right now."
|
|
|
|
Voice Over: "YOU WILL! And AT&T will bring it to you."
|
|
|
|
So, if you want this to happen to YOU, by all means rush to answer the
|
|
phone IMMEDIATELY every time it rings. The alternative is simple - don't
|
|
answer the phone when you don't want to talk. Unfortunately, those needy
|
|
insecure people can get into power and if you don't answer on the first ring
|
|
they react like you've committed a crime against them.
|
|
|
|
IT'S MY DAMN PHONE. It's there for MY (ME! ME! ME!) CONVENIENCE. IF I
|
|
DON'T ANSWER and YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME THEN DO YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK TO ME?
|
|
|
|
Why the hell did we invent these things anyway?
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
|
|
|
|
FOR MORE INFORMATION, CONTACT: sratte@cascade.net
|
|
|
|
A statement from CULT OF THE DEAD COW/cDc communications:
|
|
|
|
It is our belief that Old Mother Hubbard is to be held accountable for the
|
|
deaths of thousands of innocent men, women, and children in the "Killing
|
|
Fields" of Phnum Penh, as we suspect that Pol Pot was a Scientologist!
|
|
|
|
We believe that El Ron Hubbard is actually none other than Heinrich Himmler
|
|
of the SS, who fled to Argentina and is now responsible for the stealing
|
|
of babies from hospitals and raising them as "super-soldiers" for the purpose
|
|
of overthrowing the U.S. Fed. Govt. in a bloody revolution. We fear plans
|
|
for a "Fourth Reich" to be established on our home soil under the vise-like
|
|
grip of oppression known as Scientology!
|
|
|
|
In order to preserve our way of life and keep the torch of freedom lit
|
|
for future generations, we feel it is our duty as responsible world citizens
|
|
to declare WAR on the so-called "CHURCH" OF SCIENTOLOGY.
|
|
|
|
As future developments occur, we will broadcast them to the free world
|
|
as soon as possible. Thank you for your time.
|
|
|
|
S. Ratte'
|
|
CULT OF THE DEAD COW/cDc communications
|
|
Fearless Leader
|
|
|
|
####
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
When can I stop being a good boy? When can I chuck the rules and say
|
|
enough is enough?
|
|
|
|
I am damn tired of being rejected, and that rejection is giving me
|
|
insomnia.
|
|
|
|
OK, background, I'm depressed, and medicated with Zoloft. Married,
|
|
and no sex or tenderness, or hugs, or kisses since last year. Going to
|
|
bed is a dread due to the prospect and reminder of the fact that I am
|
|
totally rejected there.
|
|
|
|
Is it alright to go out and get tenderness elsewhere? I have been
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approached by women for that, and as a good boy, I politely turned them away.
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But should I?
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To bring up the subject of sex is asking for trouble, and lies, and
|
|
coldness. I suggest that she too should she a counselor about her "female
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|
sexual aversion," but no, she makes the claim that no women like sex,
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so she is not abnormal.
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I am so tired of it.
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Will it be better when her mother dies? The person who told her
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|
that sex was bad, and only for making babies? BTW, she had 12 kids.
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|
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So what do you think? Is it alright to get a physical touch from a woman
|
|
who is not your wife? Hell, in the past she told me it was alright, so that I
|
|
would not "bother" her.
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If requested in bed, I will get an "attack me in the morning." I do not
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|
consider sex to be an attack, but a loving sharing.
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Just how many times are you to be rejected? I would estimate for me that
|
|
it is about 355 days a year. and I am so tired of it. Hell, when describing
|
|
it to a friend, I was asked if she was a lesbian? Who knows, is she?
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I do love her, and have ever since I first saw her and was infatuated with
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|
her. No other marriages for either of us, no other sexual partners.
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Hell, should I try bondage with her? I don't want it, but does
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|
she?
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I am so tired.
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_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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WHY YOU SHOULD HIRE ME TO WRITE YOUR MANUALS: A BEGINNER'S TOUR OF THE TOOLBAR
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by Morrisa Sherman
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|
The Files Menu is the best kind of menu on earth and we are all very
|
|
grateful to the Godhead on high that it exists else we'd all be surely bereft
|
|
of knowledge, the light that is the pursuit of intellectual fulfillment would
|
|
grow dim and burn out, and the world as we know it would decay into a bestial
|
|
and brutal clime of murder, destruction, and hopelessness.
|
|
|
|
The Edit Menu has never had a self esteem problem. It is self-assured
|
|
almost to the point of cockiness, and it loves attention. It is charming, to
|
|
be sure, but can easily get carried away with its own brash dreams, and if you
|
|
are not careful, it can convince you to invest everything in its schemes, for
|
|
in its own way, it is sincere, it believes what it says, and what is more
|
|
compelling than sincerity?
|
|
|
|
The Tools Menu is by far the most attractive of the menus with its sunny
|
|
disposition and lithe ankles, but it is an elusive menu as well. To try to
|
|
tame the tools menu is to lose it. If one wants a tools menu in one's life, one
|
|
must simply let it exist, coming and going as it pleases, like the wind, and
|
|
like the wind, to try to grasp it and hold it down and set it on a responsible
|
|
schedule will surely result in capturing nothing at all.
|
|
|
|
The Recorder Menu seems to always be going through "one of those phases."
|
|
First it has given its life over to Christ, then it has found the kernel of
|
|
truth at the center of existence employing the "judicious use of sacred
|
|
psychedelic drugs" then one can't even hold a decent conversation with it
|
|
because it is so involved in its own solipsism it can't grasp the concrete
|
|
existence of any entity other than itself, then it wants to go off and start a
|
|
band that will change the history of rock-and-roll forever. Best to just
|
|
indulge it in its whimsies and be sure that it gets enough to eat whenever it
|
|
comes home.
|
|
|
|
The Group Menu is delightful when it works out for all of the parties
|
|
involved, but it is an unfortunately rare occurrence where some unhappy dynamic
|
|
does not rear its head. It is difficult to share a group menu equally, and it
|
|
seems that some member always dominates the scene, some other member feels
|
|
slighted or feels it is contributing more than its share, and other members get
|
|
caught in the middle trying, ineffectually, to make peace. It's a dangerous
|
|
menu indeed when one or more members are not perfectly at ease with the others.
|
|
I'm sure I don't have to remind you of the Graphic Set fracas of 1992.
|
|
|
|
The Properties Menu has a winsome face with wide blue eyes, and it looks
|
|
sweet in organdy, but don't let it fool you into believing it any less the
|
|
competent mechanic, and talented artist than it truly is. When one first
|
|
considers its difficult upbringing and how it had to work swing-shift in the
|
|
local cheese factory trouble shooting the fermentation tank system just to
|
|
survive and save money to buy art supplies, and then examines its valuable
|
|
contribution to the post-modern movement with such works as "Thickness" and
|
|
"Layer," one can really grasp the perfection that is human potential. The
|
|
achievements of the Properties Menu virtually move this tech-writer to tears of
|
|
rapture. The rumors going around town tying it to the Scientology movement are
|
|
spurious, and should be given no credence.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
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|
|
"Celebrity Culture" by Paul Connelly
|
|
|
|
The obsession with so-called "celebrities" that is rampant in our society
|
|
today seems to me one of the most obvious manifestations of evil around.
|
|
Celebrities in most cases are manufactured idols who contribute nothing of
|
|
significance to society. They are almost by definition phonies-performers in
|
|
the vast entertainment industry that threatens to swamp our culture with
|
|
simulacra in the place of real do-ers: actors, athletes, musical "stars" who
|
|
are mostly not musicians themselves, television "personalities" and their
|
|
attendant parasites-in short, people who become "known" for their ability to
|
|
generate "publicity" rather than people who make real contributions to the
|
|
welfare of others.
|
|
|
|
Pornography in its traditional sense of sexually explicit material does
|
|
not offend me (i was buying it under the counter at 15 and I can't believe it
|
|
made me any more perverted than I already was), but the snickering, vacuous
|
|
preoccupation with the made-up sex lives (and religious revelations) of
|
|
celebrities that i see right in front of the cash register in every supermarket
|
|
strikes me as deeply offensive. The sad, vicarious involvement in the
|
|
fictional lives of people who add nothing of value to society strikes me as the
|
|
worst possible sign of the decline of our culture. And the current trend
|
|
toward focusing on the "celebrity as criminal" (Tyson, OJ) and "criminal as
|
|
celebrity" (Tonya Harding, the Bobbitts) seems like the worst manifestation of
|
|
this sickness.
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
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|
|
TRADITIONAL WASP ETHNIC DISHES FOR YOU
|
|
FROM SWAMP RATTE'
|
|
|
|
I. FOOD TO EAT
|
|
A. CANDY CANES
|
|
1. CHEAP
|
|
2. COMPRESSED SUGAR AND FLAVORING
|
|
3. EFFICIENT, PRACTICAL, WASP, JUST LIKE ME
|
|
4. EXTRAPOLATING: S. RATTE' IS CANDY CANE
|
|
B. TANG
|
|
1. SPOONFUL OF TANG IS HAPPY ORANGE FOOD
|
|
2. NO WATER IS REQUIRED
|
|
a. WATER IS OPTIONAL
|
|
b. WATER IS NOT REQUIRED
|
|
3. ASTRONAUTS CONSUME TANG
|
|
a. TO BECOME SPACE TRAVELLER, EAT TANG
|
|
b. THIS IS OBVIOUS
|
|
C. SANDWICH
|
|
1. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY
|
|
a. JIFF PEANUT BUTTER
|
|
b. WELCH'S GRAPE JELLY
|
|
c. TWO SLICES WASP WONDER WHITE BREAD (KKK APPROVED)
|
|
d. NO SUBSTITUTIONS PERMITTED, THEY ARE GROSS AND UNNATURAL
|
|
2. HAM AND CHEESE PRODUCT
|
|
a. HAM
|
|
b. AMERICAN CHEESE PRODUCT SLICE
|
|
c. TWO SLICES WASP WONDER WHITE BREAD (KKK APPROVED)
|
|
|
|
II. FOOD TO WEAR
|
|
A. GUMMI BEARS
|
|
1. REQUIRE SALIVA
|
|
2. APPLY TO CLOTHING AS FASHIONABLE FASHION ACCESSORY FOR YOU
|
|
B. TANG
|
|
1. DUST IN HAIR
|
|
2. CREATES ORANGE TINGE AS FASHIONABLE FASHION COLOR FOR YOU
|
|
C. PEANUT BUTTER
|
|
1. APPLY LIBERALLY TO SKIN
|
|
2. CREATES PALLID BROWN GOOKY TEXTURE ON SKIN AS FASHIONABLE
|
|
LOOK FOR THE '90S MAN/WOMAN FOR YOU
|
|
D. TWIZZLERS
|
|
1. INSERTED INTO NOSE HOLES
|
|
2. CREATE RED ANTENNA-SPACE ALIEN LOOK AS FASHIONABLE FASHION
|
|
LOOK OF SPACE TRAVELLING ABILITY FOR YOU. YOU ARE A GO-GETTER.
|
|
YOU HAVE BEEN TO MARS.
|
|
|
|
I'M GETTING REALLY GOOD AT JUST TALKING AND TALKING AT PEOPLE WITHOUT ANY SORT
|
|
OF RESPONSE. YOU KINDA HOPE YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WILL SAY STUFF, BUT MAYBE THEY
|
|
THINK YOU'RE CRAZY OR STUPID AND IT'S TOO MUCH HASSLE TO SAY STUFF. NOW I
|
|
DON'T CARE NO MORE I THINK, I JUST BLAH BLAH BLAH I DON'T EVEN LISTEN TO
|
|
MYSELF, I'LL SEND EMAIL TO STRANGERS AND TELL THEM ABOUT MY DAY OR SOMEBODY
|
|
ELSE'S DAY HOO HOO I DON'T CARE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
TALK TALK TALK I DO A ZINE AND WRITE A BUNCHA CRAP AND IT'S FREE AND JUST GIVE
|
|
IT TO PEOPLE, "HERE, READ MY CRAP." THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE READ
|
|
THIS SHIT HOO HOOO. how come you're so quiet? HOO HOO. I SAW AN EPISODE OF
|
|
CHARLIE'S ANGELS A WHILE BACK AND IT HAD A FAKE UFO IN IT AND A SLEAZY GUY WHO
|
|
TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH ONE OF THEM. GUH GUH GUH. MAYBE I CAN MAKE ENOUGH WORDS
|
|
AND STUFF ALL THE BIG GIANT QUIET SPACES WITH THEM AND IT'LL BE LIKE A WORLD
|
|
FULL OF BEANBAG CHAIRS, BIG SOLID SUBSTANTIAL BEANBAGS WITH SMILING FACES ON
|
|
THEM AND THEY TALK BACK AND SAY STUFF HELL YEAH. SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT LIKE
|
|
BUYING A BOTTLE OF THUNDERBIRD AND WALKING OUT TO THIS FIELD BY MYSELF AND
|
|
SITTING IN THE DIRT AND MAKING MYSELF UNCONSCIOUS AND THEN REALLY REALLY SICK.
|
|
AND THEN I'D DO IT ALL THE TIME AND WHERE'S KEVIN? KEVIN'S OUTPUKING IN HIS
|
|
FIELD!@$%!#$! HAHAHA!@#
|
|
|
|
I WONDER WHAT IT'D LOOK LIKE TO PUT A STICK OF DYNAMITE UNDER MY SCROTUM AND
|
|
SET IT OFF. wham. WHEN MY PUNK BAND'S PLAYING AND PEOPLE WOULD GO "MAN, KEV
|
|
FUCKIN' ROCKED THAT SHIT HUH? KILLER LAST SHOW." 'CAUSE LIFE AIN'T NOTHIN'
|
|
BUT ROCKIN' AND MONEY. ALL YOU TARANTINO FANS WOULD BE AWED. I'D JUST THINK
|
|
IT WAS GOOFY. HAHA. LOOK, HIS GENITALS EXPLODED. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA.
|
|
AND YOU COULD ADD SOME _SEINFELD_-LIKE BLATHERING ON TOP AND IT'D BE JUST LIKE
|
|
A TARANTINO FLICK. BIG DEAL.
|
|
|
|
AS EXTRA ADDED FUN WITH THIS ISSUE, YOU CAN PRINT IT OUT AND CIRCLE ALL THE
|
|
IRONIES AND BLATANT CONTRADICTIONS WITH A BIG RED CRAYON. AIN'T THAT HOW IT
|
|
GOES THOUGH?
|
|
|
|
TALKING TO YOU LIKE WE'RE CHATTING. WHO AM I TALKING TO? NO ONE. THINK I'M
|
|
GONNA GO STAND IN THE DAMN COTTON FIELD AT THE END OF THE STREET FOR A WHILE.
|
|
IT'S LATE. TAKE CARE. BYE.
|
|
|
|
S. Ratte'/cDc
|
|
|
|
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
|
|
|
|
THE POINT
|
|
by Bryan O'Sullivan
|
|
|
|
you could spend an hour counting the petals in a flower
|
|
it might take you a year to count the veins in each petal
|
|
if you spent ten lifetimes, maybe you could count its cells
|
|
|
|
but you'd have completely missed the point
|
|
you fuckhead
|
|
|
|
.-. _ _ .-.
|
|
/ \ .-. ((___)) .-. / \
|
|
/ \ / \ .-. [ x x ] .-. / \ / \
|
|
-/-------\-------/-----\-----/---\--\ /--/---\-----/-----\-------/-------\-
|
|
/ \ / \ / `-(' ')-' \ / \ / \
|
|
WORLDWIDE \ / `-' (U) `-' \ / WORLDWIDE
|
|
_ `-' .ooM `-' _
|
|
_the drive by_ - copyright(C) 1996 mary szmajag
|
|
_Why You Should Hire Me to Write Your Manuals..._ _Copyright (C) 1996
|
|
Morrisa Sherman
|
|
_The Point_ - copyright (c) 1996 Bryan O'sullivan
|
|
|
|
oooO / ) Copyright (c)1995 cDc communications and Cultees.
|
|
/ ) / ( All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW / ) / (
|
|
\ ( ( ) is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, \ ( ( )
|
|
\_) oooO Lubbock, Texas, 79453, US of A. \_) oooO
|
|
oooO / ) oooO / )
|
|
/ ) / ( Beware Of Cheap Imitations / ) / (
|
|
\ ( ( ) Enlightenment Through A Poke In The Eye \ ( ( )
|
|
\_) oooO Leaders Of The Old School, Innovators Of The Next \_) oooO
|
|
|
|
|